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Thread: *Rumors and Speculation* Did Sarah Palin fake her last pregnancy?

  1. #1096
    Elite Member L1049's Avatar
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    We seriously need a flow-chart for this clusterfuck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by L1049 View Post
    We seriously need a flow-chart for this clusterfuck.
    Maybe THAT'S what happened! Having visited Juneau, the throbbing, vibrant, cultural oasis of the north that it is, I can understand why people might want a few distractions during those long Alaskan winters.
    If all the women in this place were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be surprised - Dorothy Parker

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cali View Post
    Here's another crazy theory to throw out there: what if Track got Mercedes pregnant? And that was just waaaaay too icky with Bristol and Levi together/pregnant?

    Maybe Mercede is wrapped up in this somehow, because she SURE has a passionate hatred for Sarah Palin and no one really knows why.
    Okay, here's another idea. It's well known that in mid-to-late 2007, John and Cindy McCain were taking an Alaskan cruise with John Edwards and Rielle Hunter. When Todd and Sarah Palin boarded the ship to welcome the guests, they all had an evening of drunken revelry at the captain's table. They then adjourned to John Edwards' deluxe cabin for a human daisy chain and other unprotected activities that can only be imagined by watching a DVD of "Aristocrats".

    Since Cindy McCain was past menopause, she was in the clear. However, Sarah Palin and Rielle Hunter both discovered they were pregnant.

    Because nobody knew who was expecting whose child, they agreed that John McCain would make it up to Sarah Palin by choosing her as his running mate in the general election. And John Edwards would help out by being the only democratic candidate who didn't say what a ridiculous choice Palin was for runningmate. Todd Palin would be assuaged by being appointed the first Secretary of One-Syllable Words, no matter who won the election. And Rielle Hunter would just keep quiet and accept money because nobody would believe that anyone would be willing to impregnate her in the first place.

    When Sarah delivered Trig in April and people suspected the baby wasn't really hers, Kevin Federline was kidnapped off the street and taken to a lab where his testicles were irradiated with Gamma particles to create "Fast Trak" sperm, which can impregnate a woman and cause her to give birth all within five months. He then was lowered, incubus style on top of a sleeping Bristol while an extended track of PopoZao played in the background. The act was deemed a success when Bristol already started to show before K-Fed had completely pulled out. Her pregnancy was then announced to the press about 20 minutes after that. Levi Johnston was persuaded to be in on the charade by promising him a lifetime supply of Skoal Bandits (the CEO of which is the third biggest contributor to John Edwards' campaign). Even with the extrangement of Johnston from the Palin family, he knows that if he lets the cat out of the bag, that is 2,560 pounds of tenderly cured and wrapped tobacco he will never see.

    This explains how Palin delivered in April, Bristol delivered at the end of the year, why Rielle stayed quiet for so long, and why McCain nominated Palin in the first place. It also explains all the guilt eating that has led Federline to pack on an extra 100 pounds.

  4. #1099
    Elite Member WhoAmI's Avatar
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    Fine, except nobody believes she actually delivered in April. Get your facts straight!

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    Epic and awesome!

    Done and done.
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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    Okay, here's another idea. It's well known that in mid-to-late 2007, John and Cindy McCain were taking an Alaskan cruise with John Edwards and Rielle Hunter. When Todd and Sarah Palin boarded the ship to welcome the guests, they all had an evening of drunken revelry at the captain's table. They then adjourned to John Edwards' deluxe cabin for a human daisy chain and other unprotected activities that can only be imagined by watching a DVD of "Aristocrats".

    Since Cindy McCain was past menopause, she was in the clear. However, Sarah Palin and Rielle Hunter both discovered they were pregnant.

    Because nobody knew who was expecting whose child, they agreed that John McCain would make it up to Sarah Palin by choosing her as his running mate in the general election. And John Edwards would help out by being the only democratic candidate who didn't say what a ridiculous choice Palin was for runningmate. Todd Palin would be assuaged by being appointed the first Secretary of One-Syllable Words, no matter who won the election. And Rielle Hunter would just keep quiet and accept money because nobody would believe that anyone would be willing to impregnate her in the first place.

    When Sarah delivered Trig in April and people suspected the baby wasn't really hers, Kevin Federline was kidnapped off the street and taken to a lab where his testicles were irradiated with Gamma particles to create "Fast Trak" sperm, which can impregnate a woman and cause her to give birth all within five months. He then was lowered, incubus style on top of a sleeping Bristol while an extended track of PopoZao played in the background. The act was deemed a success when Bristol already started to show before K-Fed had completely pulled out. Her pregnancy was then announced to the press about 20 minutes after that. Levi Johnston was persuaded to be in on the charade by promising him a lifetime supply of Skoal Bandits (the CEO of which is the third biggest contributor to John Edwards' campaign). Even with the extrangement of Johnston from the Palin family, he knows that if he lets the cat out of the bag, that is 2,560 pounds of tenderly cured and wrapped tobacco he will never see.

    This explains how Palin delivered in April, Bristol delivered at the end of the year, why Rielle stayed quiet for so long, and why McCain nominated Palin in the first place. It also explains all the guilt eating that has led Federline to pack on an extra 100 pounds.
    Please return to your Professor Plum in the Library theory.
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  7. #1102
    Elite Member Cali's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MontanaMama View Post
    There's some weird Alaska law that she supported which would issue a birth certificate for a still-born child. The law would also be retroactive. It has led to speculation that Bristol was pregnant but because of her youth or an auto accident she had in February 2007, her child was stillborn. A birth certificate for that child would be issued (without indication that the child did not survive), but by then Sarah had already decided to adopt the child. Her doctor (who is a specialist in incest/abuse cases) and her church found another child for her to adopt. So another theory is that there are 3 babies, 2 from Bristol (one didn't survive) and an adopted baby.
    Duuuhhhh.... what?! That's crazy. Do they also issue a death certificate? And is there even any proof to support that Bristol was pregnant twice?!

    Another monkeywrench in this whole thing is that most states will issue a brand-new birth certificate for adoptions, showing the adoptive parents as the birth parents. I don't know Alaska's laws though.

    The more I think about it, the more I think Mercede is wrapped up in this somehow. If you've ever watched an interview with her, its so clear that the hate is just radiating off of her. She is deeply pissed at the Palin family in a way that I think is way out of proportion to being angry because her brother can't see his son.

    Quote Originally Posted by MontanaMama View Post
    The only thing that really doesn't fit is Mercede's myspace postings and the pictures of Levi holding a very newborn baby (not Tripp) and labeling the baby as "baby brother" and Sarah as "mommy-in-law."
    Trying to work these out in my brain:

    1- so for Trig to be her 'baby brother' that means one of Levi / Mercede's parents had him. Is that possible??

    2- For Sarah to be a mother-in-law Mercede or Levi would have to be married (or soon to be married) to one of the Palins.

    What do you call your sibling's spouse's parents anyway? Sorry, that's confusing.
    Example: Amy and Adam are brother and sister. Adam marries Jane.
    What does Amy call Jane's parents?

  8. #1103
    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    Amy would call them Adam's in-laws, wouldn't she? They're no relation to her really, only knows them through her brother.

  9. #1104
    Elite Member Cali's Avatar
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    ^^ I give up. Can't make out Mercede's logic.

    On another note- is Levi the new Insider host or what?! He's on right now, and he just said that something happened this weekend and he's decided to go to court to file for joint custody of his son.

    Popcorn? Beer anyone?

  10. #1105
    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    Damn. I've been avoiding this thread for months and sneaked in here to discover that you are all some kind of mad geniuses and I can barely follow any of this convoluted plot. My brain = officially mush.
    Posted from my fucking iPhone

  11. #1106
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    We aim to please Shinola! It's like a voodoo experiment trying to figure out Palin motives and logic.

    I'm thinking the Levi got turned away from seeing Tripp again this weekend and just had enough. Although, his lawyers said after that he is not prepared to file by the end of the month. Another rumor floating (I mentioned my obsession right?) is that Bristol is about to file for sole full custody, which prompted Levi's retort.
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  12. #1107
    Elite Member Little Wombat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cali View Post
    Trying to work these out in my brain:

    1- so for Trig to be her 'baby brother' that means one of Levi / Mercede's parents had him. Is that possible??

    2- For Sarah to be a mother-in-law Mercede or Levi would have to be married (or soon to be married) to one of the Palins.

    What do you call your sibling's spouse's parents anyway? Sorry, that's confusing.
    Example: Amy and Adam are brother and sister. Adam marries Jane.
    What does Amy call Jane's parents?
    Eh, I think it's just the country bumpkin Mercede thinking that whatever relation her brother has to someone must make it the same for her.

    When I was 8 - EIGHT - my much older sister (25 at the time) got married. I thought her new parents-in-law were also my parents-in-law. The mother of one of my 2nd grade classmates corrected me on that when I once referred to my parents-in-law.

    In other words, Mercede is as bright as an eight year old.
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  13. #1108
    Elite Member L1049's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shinola View Post
    Damn. I've been avoiding this thread for months and sneaked in here to discover that you are all some kind of mad geniuses and I can barely follow any of this convoluted plot. My brain = officially mush.
    It's like watching a David Lynch movie

  14. #1109
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Well now, this is interesting....



    In his custody fight for son Tripp, Levi Johnston says he's up against a powerful foe: Sarah Palin.

    Johnston, 19, claims the former vice presidential candidate has been part of an effort to keep Tripp away from Johnston by exerting influence on 19-year-old daughter Bristol, who is Tripp's mother.

    "She has a big impact on what Bristol does and thinks," Johnston tells Entertainment Tonight. "Bristol looks up to Sarah. I don't know why they just don't want me in his life."

    But Johnston insists he doesn't fear Palin as he gets ready to sue for joint custody. "She ain't nothing," he says. "Just because she ran for vice president and was the governor of Alaska, doesn't intimidate me. Sarah has no legal thing on Tripp, she's just the grandmother."

    He adds: "By the end of the year we're gonna go to court for joint custody. I'm just done with it. When there's a kid involved you ain't walking away."


    It looks like Levi is digging in.

    Even though my sources told me that Levi does NOT want to go to court to see his son, it looks like things may be heading in that direction if they keep using his son to punish him. Levi is starting to stand up for himself, even with his handlers.

    I have also heard that one of the sticking points is fear from the Palin's that Levi will let Tripp be photographed.

    Go ahead, ask the question.

    Why would it matter if he were photographed if there are already pictures of Levi with Tripp in GQ Magazine and a televised interview with Bristol and Tripp conducted by Greta Van Susteren?

    Yep that is the question alright.

    The Immoral Minority: "She ain't nothing" Says defiant Levi Johnston about ex-future mother-in-law Sarah Palin. Now we are talking!

    The only reason that a picture would be a problem is if Tripp was the child presented as Trig because unless the child is of a different race than what we've been led to believe, then Levi and Bristol's child is the DS child (explaining everything, including Mercede's myspace posts, Levi's bond and kissing the baby at the RNC). I have no idea why that family would do any of the lying that they've done and who the 2d child is, but I think "go ahead, ask the question" is the story.
    If i hear one more personal attack, i will type while drunk, then you can cry! - Bugdoll
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    Quote Originally Posted by shedevilang View Post
    (Replying to MontanaMama) This is some of the smartest shit I ever read

  15. #1110
    Elite Member Little Wombat's Avatar
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    ^ Or how about the Palins don't want the baby photographed because that'll make it harder for them to sell photos of the baby.
    "Oh! I've been looking for a red suede pump!"
    - Marie (Carrie Fisher), When Harry Met Sally

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