Penelope Cruz a lesbian?

buttmunch · September 6th, 2006, 01:44 PM

Quote:

The time: 4 p.m.
The date: September 1.
The place: LaGuardia Airport.
Sighted: "Penelope Cruz at LaGuardia wearing a red and black jacket that looked fit for a lumberjack and pants that made her look dumpy."

Penelope Cruz is a nice looking woman, if you dig that whole big-lips, dark-hair, skinny-with-huge-boobs, I-can-barely-speak-English type, which, apparently, most men do. Another thing men enjoy is the idea of a hot lady who enjoys other ladies, and it's becoming clear that Penelope is most likely one of those types as well.

What is that you say? Dressing like a lumberjack and wearing ill-fitting pants does not make a woman a lesbian, you stereotype-embracing douchebags? Fair enough. But, like the Scott Peterson case, the circumstantial evidence is beginning to look overwhelming.

Let's start with the fact that the woman spent three years pretending to have sex with Tom Cruise; a man whose recent exploits have somewhat overshadowed his past affinity for male porn stars.

She followed that up by dating her Sahara costar Matthew McConaughey. Surprisingly, they split after only one year, and Matthew has since moved on.

More than just a beard, Penelope also starred in 2004's Head in the Clouds and had a love scene with Charlize Theron. Obviously, any actor who can believably perform a love scene with someone of the same sex must be actually attracted to that sex. That's just common sense. Not to mention the fact that she was quoted as saying that kissing Charlize was the best on-screen kiss she ever had.

Finally, there is the fact that she grabbed Salma Hayek's ass at a press conference and blamed her behavior on "the flu." That excuse doesn't even make sense. Seriously, she's not really trying anymore. Maybe because she realizes that coming out can totally help one's career.

http://www.gawker.com/news/penelope-...ing-198839.php

It's hard to know with Gawker whether they're just fucking around or what but this cracked me up either way.

Laurent · September 6th, 2006, 01:59 PM

I wasn't sure what to make of this article either because it was a funny read about her prolific bearding career until we got here. . .

Quote:

Obviously, any actor who can believably perform a love scene with someone of the same sex must be actually attracted to that sex. That's just common sense.

buttmunch · September 6th, 2006, 02:50 PM

Great line. I love gawker.

AliceInWonderland · September 6th, 2006, 05:06 PM

omg why is there even a question mark in the title; i've known for years that she's gay; she dated Thom thumb for goddsakes same reason(s) why Nicole was involved w/ him = to hide their sexuality and to advance their careers.

-and yeah Matthew has since moved on ... w/ Jake Gylaanhaal and Lance Armstrong

G AAAAA Y !

Raspberry gashes · September 7th, 2006, 07:51 AM

I am kind of surprised.

Raspberry gashes · September 9th, 2006, 03:45 AM

Meanwhile, I hear that Matthew McConaughey and Penelope are 'dating' again! hmmmmm!!!!!!!!

gumy · November 17th, 2006, 09:40 PM

I wondered before if maybe penelope and charlize Theron had a "thing" or "fling" going on before.

bite me spidey · November 17th, 2006, 10:58 PM

Quote:

What is that you say? Dressing like a lumberjack and wearing ill-fitting pants does not make a woman a lesbian, you stereotype-embracing douchebags? Fair enough. But, like the Scott Peterson case, the circumstantial evidence is beginning to look overwhelming.

That made me laugh.

I'm not sure I believe this because some people are just off their rocker, but it's funny nonetheless.

pacific breeze · November 18th, 2006, 12:13 AM

This is such old news. She's been a professional beard for years.

bite me spidey · November 18th, 2006, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pacific breeze

This is such old news. She's been a professional beard for years.

How do we know the guys she's with aren't her beards? Or does involvement with Tom Cruise immediately = professional beard? Cause that makes me wonder about Nicole who was with him for 10 years.

dakodas · November 18th, 2006, 04:40 AM

I don't know about you kids but I would LOVE to kiss Charlize Theron.

Chilly Willy · November 29th, 2006, 08:27 AM

Sure, does that make us gay?

Beeyotch · November 29th, 2006, 10:12 AM

Re: Nicole Kidman, I don't think professional beards have to be gay. Just think of Kelly Preston and John Travolta. Sometimes the payoffs are simply well worth it. Not that it matters, it's still an arrangement where you are both having sex with other people. More like co-workers in the business of a relationship.

AgentOrange · December 3rd, 2006, 02:26 PM

Pics in this week's National Enquirer show Cruz with her hand clamped on Salma Hayek's butt!

Raspberry gashes · December 4th, 2006, 05:35 PM

I remember when lesbians used to be butch and ugly, or at least one half of the couple was. Now if Salma and Penelope are, this is every mans fantasy!