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Thread: "Real" women

  1. #16
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    We always want what we dont have. Thats all it comes down to. My best friend complains about her DD chest all day long and I'm like, 'Too bad you cant hand me one cup, haha, and shes all, 'I would if I could'. Alot of people just cant be happy with what they have, and because we dont have it, we think we'd be better off if we did, but really, we never really know.

  2. #17
    Elite Member Sleuth's Avatar
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    So nice to see i wasn't the only one not liking the impossible dream otherwise known as 'real' woman. I think beauty comes in many different shapes and sizes and to classify a certain size as "real" is completely irresponsible as no two people can realistically achieve the same results.

  3. #18
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    I've been at both ends of the scale. As a teenager I was 100% curves - houseglass figure and overweight. Then I got a brest reduction and I dropped weight with ease in a healthy natural way but got to the point where all I could see myself as was 'the fat girl'. So I went overboard and now I'm in recovery from anorexia and the female athelete triad. I've done it all from servere restriction to laxative abuse to weird diets. I pushed myself untill I became so blind that all I saw infront of my eyes were numbers.

    I wish like hell I knew what my body was meant to look like. I know I'm not meant to be willowy. I know that I tend to have a curvier body, long arms and legs etc. I'm a hodge podge of body parts. I KNOW this and yet..I dont. Does that make sense? Hell I look at the skinny celebs and think to myself 'god they're so thin, they need to get some meat on their bones' without being able to see the same thing in myself. Le sigh. Body image is such a bitch.
    "Don't think that sticking your boobs out and trying to look fuckable will help. Remember your in a rock and roll band. It's not "Fuck Me", It's "Fuck You!"
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  4. #19
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    What a wonderful subject!

    I like how people are sharing their thoughts and experiences on something that women "have" or are pushed to obsess about, yet something they rarely get to discuss in a realistic, non-shallow way with others.

    Yay!

    I thought I'd add something to all your wonderful posts.

    The irony of what is said or implied in those magazines and even by those same "celebrities" who claim to be proud of their so called "real woman body", is that, the truth is, from a shallow standpoint, not even them "have it easy", NEITHER.

    It might seem so at first glance, because they indeed have the shape that media and movies present as the ideal one, or bodies close to that "ideal" with small variations. But you know what? Even if in some situations they might be praised for the (rare?) type of body they have (rather rare IF it is all natural), I bet that this self-confidence they feel then is not something they feel all the time.

    No woman, nowadays, sadly, is encouraged to feel 100% ok with her body. No matter what shape she has. Not even if the woman has the "ideal" body type of magazines. Because not even the "ideal" will be such for all men and women out there. Not all men like the women they see in magazines, not all men like the same things. Even if all liked that one type of shape, and that the woman had it, she would have to still feel insecure over the comments over whatever physical "flaw" (real or perceived as such) of any type they might still have (that they WILL have, nobody is perfect or anyone's type in hair, eyes, and anything other than body shape is universal, neither!).

    I am of the "weird" ones that is naturally very thin, yet very curvy. If it were for my measurements, sure, I would be the "real woman" type... I should feel super confident, right?
    Heck, no!

    In REAL life, I find men and women who like my body shape and others who find my body shape unattractive just as much as everyone else around. Because it's not like REAL WOMEN (and by that I mean those living in a REAL WORLD, not those "real women" living in the world of celebrities, runways and the jet-set world) live or interact in their daily lives with people who belong only to the world of fashion or media, where their body might be indeed "ideal" for photoshoots or magazine spreads (and then again, they always get photoshopped anyway, mind you!). The REAL women live in world where they will be praised by some and not liked by others no matter what shape they are in. Even if they have an hourglass figure in a tiny body, they will still find in the "normal world out there" people who will think they are too thin, others that will think they are too curvy in some places. Or people who will comment or complain on any other real or apparent physical feature that is not "ideal".

    Say, even if you had the ideal body shape and were considered as an ideal by x people, I bet that in this group of people, that woman would still find people commenting and judging negatively something about her: skin too light or too dark, hair too this or too that, nose too this or too that, lips too this or too that, cellulite yes or not here or there, etc. etc.

    Trust me on that! I do not feel any better nor any more secure than any other woman around only because of my measurements and body type. Nope. I still find people who would prefer me to be more thin all over and not be busty nor have "hips". I find others that still think that I'd have to have some "more junk in the trunk" to be ok... Others who happen to think my body is ok as it is, still think my skin too white, or my hair too light, or not light enough, my lips ok, or not thin enough, or not inflated enough... I still battle with cellulite just like anyone else.
    I still strugge with being "lucky" to be thin with natural boobs and hear either that my boobs are saggy (they look like non saggy boobs in a woman with normal real breasts, but of course they look saggy compared to boobs that meet the silicone-Hollywood-standards. Then again, I deal with others assuming my boobs are not real because I am tiny and they are relatively big and not really saggy, so I never, ever, ever win! (Me or anyone, for that matter!).

    The point is, no matter how you actually look, you can still be criticized and if you were to love yourself depending on what others say, whether "others" are people in magazines or who buy certain magazines, whether it is the people around you, you'll feel miserable and not good enough.

    That's why I laugh when I read in x magazine that x woman is a real woman, with the ideal body that is neither too this or too that. Who says that? In the real world, most people still will find that body too this or too that! depending on who comments on it!
    People still will find tons of flaws and things to point out to you as unperfect if they want to, and you will still feel miserable.
    It's being ok in your skin what makes a woman real and happy, it really is IRRELEVANT if your body shape is of the type that is praised by the media.

    Larger or smaller, tall or petite, you will always be liked or disliked. Liking yourself, being surrounded by people who like you as you are (or at least accept you as you are and don't criticize you for shallow reasons if they don't happen to like your shape or size) and feeling in charge of having a healthy body to be proud of, THAT is what makes us feel REAL and GOOD in the long run.

    People don't even agree on how attractive this or that woman who is considered "incontestably sexy" by the media is really like!
    Even Angelina Jolie or the "top ten" women in most "hot people list" still are not people *everyone* considers beautiful. And I bet they are just as insecure or not as any other person. They have good and bad days. They feel "real women" some days, and not good enough others.

    Every woman will feel like that occasionally... or most of the time. Unless she really focuses on keeping her body healthy and the heck with those who don't like whatever being "healthy" makes your body be naturally like.

    Besides, nothing real is perfect in this world. Nothing in the world is truly, 100% perfect.
    It is precisely our small imperfections and our unique traits what make us REAL. Actually, trying to fit to the T to a standard that depends on what is "in" at a given time (and that might not be "in" later...say, big lips, they were not particularly liked 20 years ago, now they are a "must" for those obsessed with looking like the Hollywood ideal of a woman) and only make those women look pathetic, robot like, all identical, cheap and insecure. The farthest from fresh and real that one could think of. And not fresh and not real is never beautiful. Never. To anyone with more than two neurones.
    Last edited by Mysteryagain2; September 22nd, 2006 at 12:05 PM.

  5. #20
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    Wow, so it seems like I have 8 more years to go before I'm a real woman . But seriously, it seems like such a waste of time that most people can't get over their hangups until they grow out of their 20's (as seems to be the general trend here).

    But you know how they have that Dove real women's campaign thing were the ads feature a variety of body types? About a year or so ago, I was on a website where some guy wrote about how bad the campaign was, saying that when he looks at TV he doesn't want to see real women because they're disgusting, and that TV should be about escapism and idealism. And there were quite a few comments backing him up So unfortunately, not only do many women have to deal with media images, they also have to cope with dumbass males (not all of them, of course) who buy into it just as much. It's so hypocritical how so many guys expect to date the thinnest most attractive chick they can find, but yet they look like shit themselves

    Wow, Mystery great post. Good point about the celebs, too. I remember I saw a pic of Rebecca Romajin-whatever her name is, at the beach, and she was a bit heavier than when she was modeling. A bunch of people were like "whoa she really has let herself go" and other similar crap about beached whales and such, and I was confused because she looked normal to me.

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonlady View Post
    But you know how they have that Dove real women's campaign thing were the ads feature a variety of body types? About a year or so ago, I was on a website where some guy wrote about how bad the campaign was, saying that when he looks at TV he doesn't want to see real women because they're disgusting, and that TV should be about escapism and idealism. And there were quite a few comments backing him up So unfortunately, not only do many women have to deal with media images, they also have to cope with dumbass males (not all of them, of course) who buy into it just as much. It's so hypocritical how so many guys expect to date the thinnest most attractive chick they can find, but yet they look like shit themselves
    Ooooooooooh! And I thought those Dove commercials were like a breeze of fresh air! I am not dumb... I know they likely are thinking of earning more money by making ads that are "original" and make women feel good enough to buy their products. I doubt their motivations are *all that* altruistic. But whatever other monetary motivations the people who came up with the idea of those ads might have, I still find them wonderful. Finally beauty portrayed as it is: in all shapes in forms, sometimes precisely in the shape of something "imperfect".
    So it is so sad to hear that some men say that when looking at that type of ad, Dragonlady . I believe you, mind you. And those guys are pathetic. They obviously need to grow up and become REAL men, as opposed to sit and remain immature people judging women's adequacy based on their immature need to live in a fantasy world.

  7. #22
    Elite Member silver024's Avatar
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    "So nice to see i wasn't the only one not liking the impossible dream otherwise known as 'real' woman. I think beauty comes in many different shapes and sizes and to classify a certain size as "real" is completely irresponsible as no two people can realistically achieve the same results."

    ^totally agree

    i looove this thread...finally some other people that think the way i do!! check out the model crystal renn...great story..she started modeling in her teens, and did the whole starving herself thing..and now turned herself around and is a size 12 (i think) and is modeling for big names in the fashion industry...i love her

    i saw a post earlier on here..not this thread, another one with beyonce...someone called her a fat ass because she gained some of her weight back...how is she considered fat?? someone please explain...just because you have curves..does NOT mean you are fat...far from it...not everyone can be stick thin

    thank you for starting this thread!

  8. #23
    Elite Member Algernon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glamazon View Post
    In my household, real women have big butts.
    Actually, this seems to be desireable all-around. And it's one of my biggest hangups. I've been teased/taunted about my noassatall for a long time...it's something I would sooooo change about myself. Can't find a pair of jeans to SAVE MY LIFE.

    But anyway, yeah, this thread rocks.
    Value the future on a timescale longer than your own. -Richard Dawkins

  9. #24
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dragonlady View Post
    It's so hypocritical how so many guys expect to date the thinnest most attractive chick they can find, but yet they look like shit themselves

    YES! EXACTLY!! Thats always been a mystery to me too.

  10. #25
    Hit By Ban Bus! ediebrooks's Avatar
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    I've always been a curvy girl. I've always wished I could be a little taller and a little thinner.

  11. #26
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    I too love this thread and actually have been spending an insane amount of my time trying to resolve what MY "real" woman is. I just turned 31 and have started losing all the baby weight, etc. What I'm starting to realize is that MY real woman has stretch marks, a c-section scar, a tummy pouch above the scar that may never go away....I am currently still about 15 lbs overweight and for the first time in my life I actually love my body (see the Healthy Body Image post which I started several months ago).

    Part of that love has been due to the realization of the actual function of my body, bearing and nurturing my children, making love to my husband and being able physically to jog, hike, swim ... whatever I want to do, is what makes it beautiful.

    In my mind a "real" woman's body, just like anyone's body, is a machine and a well running machine is my ideal. My body has it's pros and cons, but really those things will continue to change and fluctuate as I age. They will never be static and they will never remain the same, the body (much like the mind) is a work in progress up until the day we die.

    As I have lost weight my breasts are significantly smaller and my husband has mourned their loss (much to my chagrin), but he's a man, what can you expect? Ultimately my smaller breasts have liberated me in ways I would have never considered before and have made my machine that much more functional.

    My fear and struggle is how to translate these recent realizations (that took me over 30 years to come to) into a healthy mentality for my two daughters. Society and the media feed our young girls so many lies about their bodies and as parents we have to counter those, but it's a task I worry about on a regular basis. At my house we have stopped calling food food, we now call it fuel and my 5 year old gets quite a kick out of the idea that we need gassing up just like the car. I'm hoping that little change in vocabulary will help her to see the correlation between health, functionality and food...but it's tricky.

    Thanks for starting this thread dragonlady, these are the kinds of threads that make forums real and influential.

  12. #27
    Friend of Gossip Rocks! buttmunch's Avatar
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    I'm a curvy girl from waaaaaay back. Got my boobs at age 12 and they've been getting attention ever since. I kind of wish they were smaller because if I put on weight I start to look matronly but overall, I'm ok with my body. I'm not as thin as I was before I had kids and I have a little baby pouch and my waist isn't quite as slim as it was but I work out often, eat pretty healthy and try to lay off the sauce as much as possible and generally look ok. I hate the idea that I'm supposed to look like someone else and refuse to even try. I know women who have had three or four kids and are constantly trying to diet down to their pre-baby weight. And you know what? All it does is put them in a perpetual bad mood.
    'Those who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither.' Ben Franklin

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  13. #28
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    What I want to know is....why we as women allow this bullshit? For what? Who are we trying to please and why are we trying to please anybody but ourselves?
    I just remember being so insecure about my body in my younger years. What a waste of my time. Of course, I will always be self conscious(cause I don't ever want my junk just hangin out there) but I will not let anyone tell me what I 'should' look like. That's just crap.
    I'm not quite drunk enough to really care, but is this her violation of her violation of her violation of her violation of probation or her violation of her violation of her violation of her probation????? ~MontanaMama on LL's latest arrest.

  14. #29
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    I don't give a damn what women look like, but that's cuz I'm gay.

    However, if you clash with the couch you are SO out the door.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  15. #30
    Hit By Ban Bus! pacific breeze's Avatar
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    I guess the mental midgets who expect everything on TV to be idealized and fantasized don't watch the news? And presumably, their beer guts get in the way of finding one of these "ideal" women for themselves?

    Pathetic. As KandyKorn said, "Why do women put up with this shit?"

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