An Open Letter

**Corsair** · January 16th, 2009, 01:32 PM

I told a guy to kiss my big fat beautiful ass once. We became best friends after he picked his jaw up off the floor. So know this comes from a size 14/16 who was size 22 a couple of years ago. And at 5'2" that was an impressive pair of jeans let me tell you!

I think someone whose weight is extreme, one way or another, has more issues that need addressed than what they eat. The food is a symptom in my opinion. I know it was in my case. I got counseling and treatment for depression, and it has helped tremendously. I no longer have the urge to eat a whole freaking bag of cookies or a container of chocolate icing.

Your comment about not giving a flying leap about holes in your socks and being indifferent, for some reason doesn't add up when compared to you admitting you were upset by the comments. At some level, you do. You also know that people to some degree, judge you by appearance, not just weight but by general upkeep. It sounds like maybe you do what you know will put them off and then judge them, SEE I KNEW IT! And if you are truly completely indifferent to the opinions of others, your appearance may be less of the problem than what you project to people as YOU, your personality.

Just my .02, I personally don't judge people by their weight or clothes, I judge them from their face and their words and their actions.

**greysfang** · January 16th, 2009, 01:41 PM

Originally Posted by effie2

See?see???????I told you

Sugar coating doesnt work with me,i am reporting this post and I ll have you banned .
I ll also put you on ignore.
There.

Effie don't love me no mo.

**Valley Doll** · January 16th, 2009, 01:44 PM

Oh believe me Corsair, I interalize things and become lost in my own world. I'm not rude about it. I'm just into me, if that makes sense.

When people pick on me specifically, I know how to tell them to step the f off. Call me fat to my face and you're liable to get slapped. But I don't like when blanket statments are made about any group: fat, skinny, beautiful, ugly, whoever. And it just seemed that in the OB/GYN thread, some generalities were being made. Maybe I took it the wrong way. That's possible. But IMO, I've seen enough statments around here to form an opinion that speaks otherwise.

**Chalet** · January 16th, 2009, 04:26 PM

Valley Doll - you wrote about introspection before. Hey, look, we're all armchair therapists here (except for Lobelia, the real thang). There's some anger there, yes?
It's what you put out there. The friend I talked about was never called fat by anyone, not in grade school on up. No one saw her in any way except who she was.

Originally Posted by levitt

This story really touched me, thank you for sharing

I'm glad your friend reworked her life and had a brilliant 6 years, she sounds like a star.

The part that resonated with me most is the therapy because she was a whole new person - that's what I'm experiencing now. I was ridiculously ugly in high school and got bullied for it, but at 17 (I was a late starter, ha) I decided to change how I look and in turn how I felt. Lost the glasses, started getting my hair styled, plucked my eyebrows and wore make-up. Took awhile for the affect I wanted, i.e. attention from men, but it eventually started happening.

But I can't get over how I was, I'm still that lonely 15-year-old girl inside (I'm 20) who questions why anyone would give her a compliment. My doctor told me I quite likely have a mild version of body dysmorphia and it's truely ruining my life. Every waking day I compare myself to celebrities, strangers, friends...anyone. I am, and will not, ever be happy with how I look and view myself as ugly. It's awful.

But your story has given me hope that I can work through it. I've always been scared to go to a therapist for what sounds like down right vanity, but you've made me think it's worthwhile if it will completely change my life. So thank you

And on the topic of weight, this is my vice. I've never been overweight so I am completely out of my depth at the prospect of weight loss, but I struggle with my facial features every single day.

Thank you, Levitt. I think true stories always help. Her therapy also helped her appreciate the hard work she did
and feel proud of her entire life. I was the one who had to poke her in the ribs everytime someone gave her a compliment. I'd tell her that people feel insulted when you negate their compliments. I'd whisper "say thank you" and she'd shout out a big thank you! to them.

You're young Levitt and it's the best time to stay self aware depending on what you want.

**Valley Doll** · January 16th, 2009, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by Chalet

There's some anger there, yes?

No, and I feel that I'm saying that honestly. At least not from a point of having anyone call me fat on a regular basis. No one has called me fat in years and the one person who tried to was a classmate who allowed herself to be used as a sperm deposit bank, so her opinion meant nothing to me.

I'm easy to get upset and I just as easily cool down. Being high-strung is my calling card. So if I came across as an angry harpy, that wasn't my intent.

**Chalet** · January 17th, 2009, 03:30 PM

^^ That's good VDoll. I was concerned about people name calling which is so stupid anyway.

**olivia720** · January 17th, 2009, 11:26 PM

Have you tried hypnosis? It really works for me. you can get CDs on the internet. PM me if you want more info.

**A*O** · January 18th, 2009, 12:30 AM

If someone calls you fat and it's the truth then I see little point in getting offended by it. And if you ARE offended by it then claiming you are a happy fatty is obviously untrue. I'm sorry but in my experience inside every fat person there's a thin one desperately trying to get out. The "I'm OK with being fat" stuff is a defence mechanism to avoid the harsh truth that fatties really don't like themselves very much at all.

*DIVA! · January 18th, 2009, 12:52 AM

Originally Posted by A*O

If someone calls you fat and it's the truth then I see little point in getting offended by it. And if you ARE offended by it then claiming you are a happy fatty is obviously untrue. I'm sorry but in my experience inside every fat person there's a thin one desperately trying to get out. The "I'm OK with being fat" stuff is a defence mechanism to avoid the harsh truth that fatties really don't like themselves very much at all.

I can tell you how that is BS. Regardless if I'm 200lbs or 400lbs, a person doesn't have to like me, but dammit they do have to respect me. Me getting pissed off at someone disrespecting me isn't a reflection of how I feel about myself, it's me letting that person know they can't get away with being disrespectful towards me because I am of a larger size. Yes, I'm fat, and I love every ounce of me, and I'll be damned if I let anyone be disrespectful towards me, and think they can get away with it. I've never been teased or made fun of because of my weight, so it might catch me off guard if some stranger just walked up to me and start calling me names, but 'my other,' he's another story!! The way someone looks doesn't give anyone the right to say what they please to them..
I don't go around calling ugly women ugly, or skinny flat-chested women little boys..so don't walk up to me and tell me I'm fat. I have mirrors, I walk in front of them naked, I bathe... I know this..and I love the hell out of me inside out, outside in!

**Beeyotch** · January 18th, 2009, 01:00 AM

I have to agree with SSDiva. I know some people are going to be rude and disrespectful by judging others by outward appearances, but that doesn't make it right or even okay, nor does it mean someone just ought to sit back and accept it as if he or she deserves abuse and derision.

**sputnik** · January 18th, 2009, 01:12 AM

no one should be rude and disrespectful to anyone about their weight. but i do agree with a*o that the whole 'i'm ok with being fat' thing is rarely true. i'm sure there are exceptions but i'm also pretty sure that 99.9% of the obese would much rather be thin.

**Beeyotch** · January 18th, 2009, 01:13 AM

Yeah, me too. It's tough for sure. But at the same time, some people have come to terms with their body size, even if it's overweight. Like SSD said she exercises, eats nutritious foods and is accepting of her body. It is possible. Some people are never going to fall within the accepted size/weight ranges without having miserable diet & exercise regimes. No one is perfect.

**Rica** · January 18th, 2009, 04:31 AM

Originally Posted by A*O

If someone calls you fat and it's the truth then I see little point in getting offended by it. And if you ARE offended by it then claiming you are a happy fatty is obviously untrue. I'm sorry but in my experience inside every fat person there's a thin one desperately trying to get out. The "I'm OK with being fat" stuff is a defence mechanism to avoid the harsh truth that fatties really don't like themselves very much at all.

I agree, if you are fat and are claiming you are ok with being fat, you shouldnt get offended when people call you fat, unless you unhappy with your body - even if you're not willing to admit it.

**A*O** · January 18th, 2009, 04:43 AM

I understand your point Diva, been there, done it and could easily be there again if I didn't watch every mouthful. But be honest, if you could wave a magic wand and wake up tomorrow a size 8 or a size 18 which would you pick.

*DIVA! · January 18th, 2009, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by A*O

I understand your point Diva, been there, done it and could easily be there again if I didn't watch every mouthful. But be honest, if you could wave a magic wand and wake up tomorrow a size 8 or a size 18 which would you pick.

There's no doubt... I'd wake-up my same beautiful size 18 self. I really do love who I am, plus I'm happy with me, if I didn't and I wasn't...I have the ways and means to fix it. Honestly, if I had that magic wand, I'd do something much more constructive with it.