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Thread: Leg fat etiquette

  1. #16
    Elite Member WhoAmI's Avatar
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    She said 290 lbs. (Brits--please don't make me translate that into stones!)

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    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Ooh, there was quite a lot of oozing then.
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    290lbs divide by 14lbs = 20.7 stone. That's hefty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Lane View Post
    I think a lot of larger people are sensitive or get defensive about their size when, IMO, it's just a common courtesy for anyone--skinny, large, tall, short-- to stay in their own personal bubble and get the fuck out of mine. I'm pretty understanding, most of the time, like when the bus is crowded/standing room only and there's a sweaty guy standing armpit to face with me... what can you do? But when it's a seating thing, where I paid for my ticket, and the person next to me, in front of me, or behind me starts to make the whole experience very unpleasant for me without so much as an apology or acknowledgement then I start to get a little pissy.

    If I'm in a theatre or show that is genuinely jam-packed, I usually try and defuse the situation a bit or else I try and incite the situation -- all depending on the person. I can generally tell when someone is totally fat-phobic: they have a look of dread as I shuffle down the aisle. Then I usually make an effort to MAXIMIZE TOUCHAGE AREA to really make them miserable because they're clearly assholes about it anyway.

    I'm probably gonna catch some flak for this but...
    It's these type of 'fat' people I have a big problem with. The ones that think that think that you're "fat-phobic" when you mention anything regarding seat spillage, etc. Some of these people think they're almost entitled to "spill" over into the other persons seat without consequence. They (the assholes that act like the above) tend to congregate over at the 'dimensions forums:'
    Dimensions Forums - Powered by vBulletin
    That forum is ripe for trolling.....not that I've done anything like that *whistles*
    FWIW, if you like your eyesight, stay the fuck away from the 'Plus-size Paysite' board on that site. What has been seen, cannot be unseen.


    Thankfully I haven't encountered many seat spillers, but two examples from my personal experience (both happened on planes) that stand out in my mind:

    Example 1 (aka the fatties I fucking hate): 5 hour flight from Vancouver to Toronto in a 767. I have the window seat and next to me is someone that is *huge,* at least 300lbs, as well as rude as fuck. She just decides to plop down and her first words to the poor flight attendant, who was just trying to get everyone in their seats, doing what FA's do, was "Miss, MISS! seat belt extender!" No please, no thank you.
    Her putting the armrest up didn't bother me since I was at the window seat, but the resulting spillage did. I was squished up against the window the entire flight. And the bitch had the nerve to give me a dirty look when I had to squirm closer to the window to get a bit more room. I swear she pulled the 'Maximum touchage area' BS that the hambeast above suggested.
    Unfortunately the flight was packed so I was fucking stuck *literally* the entire flight.

    Example 2 (aka what sane and courteous people do): 1.5 hour flight on a Dash-8. I again have the window seat. Another large woman sits next to me. She was a fucking saint compared to the hambeast above. She needed an extender, but she did what a sane person would do and waited until the FA wasn't busy and actually acted like a human when asking for it. She asked me if I could put the armrest up, and I of course had no problem since she was incredibly polite. During that flight she asked me at least 5 times if I was comfortable, and everytime I said yes, she tried to squish over towards the aisle a bit more Why can't all air travelers, whether fat, skinny, short, or tall, be like this woman

  5. #20
    A*O
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    Most airline seatbelts are pretty generous. If you need an extender you need to go on a diet.
    If all the women in this place were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be surprised - Dorothy Parker

  6. #21
    Elite Member Penny Lane's Avatar
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    I think when larger people (or any kind of people with a sort of handicap) try to push and push and push your buttons and then use their condition as an excuse, it just automatically turns what could have been a normal situation into something that I think we all despise. It's like an elephant in the room (seriously, no pun intended) that we can't talk about just because they're larger.. but that doesn't give them an excuse to use their condition as leverage to be such assholes about it.

    Again, this doesn't apply to every large person.. just the buttheads that use this "maximum touchage" bullshit just because they feel like they have some kind of compulsion to spite others.

  7. #22
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    Some fatties behave badly to provoke a negative response and then play the "fat card" just like some people play the race or the disabled card. They usually claim to be happy fatties and proud of their 'curves' when in fact they have a huge chip (no pun intended) on their shoulder.

    Fatties are not 'disabled' because most of them can cure their disability by losing some damn weight. It's not always easy but that's not the point.
    If all the women in this place were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be surprised - Dorothy Parker

  8. #23
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    "Fat card"??


  9. #24
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    This is sort of along the same lines- and it is ALL my observation. I don't mean to offend anyone. That said...

    Do you think there is anything to the idea that heavily overweight people may not fully realize how much room they take up, and that they lose the ability to tell when they are getting in someone's personal space?

    I'm had several friends who were 260+ and they all had this problem. They always stand way too close to you when speaking, and when you take a step back, they take a step forward. They'll take a seat that is just a bit too close to you at a table, and stand too close to people in line.

    Has anyone else noticed this? It could have absolutely nothing to do with weight, but I"ve always wondered.

  10. #25
    Elite Member WhoAmI's Avatar
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    OMG, yes! There is a person I know who does this to me. I've actually asked her to move away or stop touching me. I didn't know if she was being passive-aggressive or just didn't realize she was doing it. I say it in a nice way, for example if she's leaning on my arm, I'll jiggle it and say "Excuse me", but I do make a point of saying something now. She's one of the angriest people I know, so I don't know what her motivation is.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by witchcurlgirl View Post
    thin, fat, i don't care what condition their body is in, i don't want strangers in my personal space and touching me.....i don't care about an accidental brush up against, but don't be leaning on me.

    and yes, when I pay for a ticket, i expect full use of the seat, not just admission to the event
    Yes I agree! I went to see Wicked. Very expensive seats. I had a little kid, probably ten or eleven, touching me almost the whole time. Total stranger, don't know the little girl at all. I moved over. If I could have changed my seat, I would have. I don't want strangers touching me. I guess I can excuse it because a kid has no sense of personal space, but the mom should have looked over and pulled her off me. That would have been appreciated.

    So someone overflowing their seat would have bugged me too. I'd move as well.

  12. #27
    Elite Member WhoAmI's Avatar
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    Touching you how? Leaning on you or clutching at you?

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Penny Lane View Post
    I think a lot of larger people are sensitive or get defensive about their size when, IMO, it's just a common courtesy for anyone--skinny, large, tall, short-- to stay in their own personal bubble and get the fuck out of mine. I'm pretty understanding, most of the time, like when the bus is crowded/standing room only and there's a sweaty guy standing armpit to face with me... what can you do? But when it's a seating thing, where I paid for my ticket, and the person next to me, in front of me, or behind me starts to make the whole experience very unpleasant for me without so much as an apology or acknowledgement then I start to get a little pissy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Banshee View Post
    My seat is my seat, yours is yours. If you don't fit in yours, get a second one. It's neither my fault nor my problem if someone can't fit into their seat and it doesn't entitle them to taking any part of mine. I hate to sound harsh, but I have spent way too many plane rides squished into uncomfortable positions to be very sympathetic about it.
    Oh my God, YES. Common courtesy, for cryin' out loud. No one has the right to ruin my flight, movie, play, whatever. If the person is just a jerk like their overflowing into my space is my problem, it pisses me off. If they are polite and try to make it better by scooching in, apologizing, etc., then i'm usually not too annoyed. It has nothing to do with any type of fat phobia, I wouldn't like it if some in shape stranger flopped their leg over on me either.

    Quote Originally Posted by A*O View Post
    Some fatties behave badly to provoke a negative response and then play the "fat card" just like some people play the race or the disabled card. They usually claim to be happy fatties and proud of their 'curves' when in fact they have a huge chip (no pun intended) on their shoulder.

    Fatties are not 'disabled' because most of them can cure their disability by losing some damn weight. It's not always easy but that's not the point.
    I think you have a good point here. It's easy for some overweight people to blame others instead of looking at the real problem. If someone is all flopped out in their seat and flowing into mine just so they can be comfortable at the expense of my comfort then why shouldn't i be pissed? Why should I put their comfort ahead of mine when they apparently do not give a shit about my comfort level? I don't get pissed because they are fat, I get pissed because they are inconsiderate.

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  14. #29
    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cali View Post
    Do you think there is anything to the idea that heavily overweight people may not fully realize how much room they take up, and that they lose the ability to tell when they are getting in someone's personal space?

    I'm had several friends who were 260+ and they all had this problem. They always stand way too close to you when speaking, and when you take a step back, they take a step forward. They'll take a seat that is just a bit too close to you at a table, and stand too close to people in line.

    Has anyone else noticed this? It could have absolutely nothing to do with weight, but I"ve always wondered.
    This topic interests me, because although I'm not large I have a positively ginormous personal space. A good friend of mine used to play mind games with me by moving subtly into my "bubble" again and again while we talked, until he'd forced me to move several feet without me realizing it. It was funny but so embarrassing.

    The science of personal space is called "proxemics," and it's very culture-bound and intersects with gender, race, status, etc. Here's a little snippet about it. It's fairly general but supports the idea that a larger person will claim more personal space, to a degree:

    Proxemics

    The term proxemics refers to the study of personal space, the invisible area around a person that is considered her or his territory. The size of personal space with which a person feels comfortable varies greatly by culture (Sommer, 1959). In U.S. culture, space is power. Persons of higher status tend to wield more personal space in their offices, seats, gestures, and homes. A review of proxemic research on gender concludes that “gender research all support[s] the theory that status is a powerful organizer of proxemic behavior” (Gillespie & Leffler, 1983, p. 141).

    Although this research was limited to the study of Whites in the United States, it consistently shows that the White women studied had smaller personal space, were more likely to have their personal space invaded by others, and were more likely to acquiesce to the invasion than were the White men studied.

    The relative size of one’s body influences the amount of personal space one is allocated. In U.S. culture, masculinity often is signaled by more muscular and taller bodies. This is perhaps most obvious in wedding photos of heterosexual couples. Short men often are placed on steps above the women, and tall women often are placed on lower steps or wear flat-heeled shoes. Taller men and men with more muscular bodies are perceived as more masculine; taller women and women with more muscular bodies tend to be perceived as more masculine, and thus their femininity or womanhood is questioned.

    Of course, there are limits to the power of larger-bodied persons. Society discriminates against persons who are considered overweight. Great variances in size among women and among men exist, but social expectations persist.
    From http://www.sagepub.com/upm-data/15365_Chapter_4.pdf
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  15. #30
    Elite Member sparkly's Avatar
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    ^Very interesting read, thanks for posting it.

    Most obese people I've come in contact with have been polite and would have preferred to be uncomfortable rather than encroach on my personal space. Unfortunately, there are still some people who have a victim mentality and go out of there way to make you miserable because they are the ones who are fat and unhappy. It's like they're trying to punish people for being thin.

    It's obvious to me now that a lot of obese people are not going to lose the weight, and the rate of obesity gets worse and worse with every generation. So because of that, seats need to be made bigger to eliminate this problem altogether.
    Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

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