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Thread: Gwenyth Paltrow's juice detox diet

  1. #31
    Hit By Ban Bus! Pippin's Avatar
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    Fishy Paltrow: Three Week Of Fish Juice "Worked Wonders"
    Thursday July 9, 2009


    Gwyneth Paltrow arrives at the Los Angeles premiere of "Valentino: The Last Emperor" on April 1, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. In her black tote were a couple of opened tins of tuna...
    Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage.com



    Gwyneth Paltrow is slimmer thanks to a mostly fish juice detox diet she followed for three weeks.

    "I feel pure and happy and much lighter, never mind the extra shine and grease on my forehead that the camera caught!" the actress writes in her GOOP newsletter.

    Crowing with delight, Fishy added "I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious 'relax and enjoy life phase' about a month ago. I could just twirl about and sing with fecking joy. It was the tuna water that did it, as well as watching Pippin's friend's dog, Barky Balboa, escaping his leash due to a mishap on someone's part, (certainly not mine) a nice dip in the smelly St. Lawrence River, located at the end of Pippin's street. He ran to the rocky shore on this hot July day, not caring a tinker's cuss if the water was polluted.

    Though most people believe that I am a leader, especially since I launched POOP...er, GOOP...I ran after Barky Balboa and surrendered to a wee drenching in the polluted river with my friend's friend, Barky. He is a mutt who evolves from questionable beginnings. Me, if I had my choice, I'd choose a hairless, brainless entity like cat. Just like Kat. I am very polite, and as you've noticed, I did not mention either the hairless cat the feline or the hairless Kat Von D. Both to me are hideous, disgusting entities but I have to be polite and pretend to like cats, even though I cannot stand them.

    That's neither here nor there. Some people don't like birds flying and circling around their heads. Some people don't like large dogs drooling over Havarti cheese.

    I really do not like cats.

    Mr P and I have a new rescue budgie, Ivan. He was loose, confused, and a cat was after him.

    I despise those sneaky things, cats. Kids, please, I can understand if you have affection for these creatures, KEEP THEM INDOORS.

    If you don't like a cat that you adopt well enough to keep him/her safe, then you have no business adopting a cat.

    Don't foist your neglected cat upon the innocent birds and neglect the cat, as our neighbour did.

    It is not fair to our beautiful songbirds, our wildlife, and our marmot "Garfinkle".

    Downstairs neighbour treats her kids the same way she does her cat and her Christmas present, Barky Balboa. Not only does she ignore her sons, she isolates them. I'm going to report her fat ass, with Mr. P's approval, when we move.

    It's a very bad case of psychological abuse...

    I am hungry! STARVIN'!

    Sure'n' the surface of that part of the St. Lawrence is not sandy, it's rocky. Barky Balboa is good swimmer. Me, not so much. I sort of poop at swimming, though I wore the platforms that I wore when I won my last award! You do remember that? I have to protect my feet from broken beer bottles, wine bottles, and possible public urination. I am very delicate.

    Before Pippin could stop the Izza Pop

    Paltrow goes on: "This program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I am going to tell my BFF "THE MANDULATOR" about this new method that I've found. I owe it to her. She made me veiny. It's my duty, as a friend, to try to transform her into a dry moth."

    Paltrow pauses. "I've become so appealing again, never mind much more interesting, that even Mr. Paltrow looks at me once in a while. I don't know if his lip is curled up because he is horny, or if it's curled up because he doesn't like my GOOP, but I'll take what I can get.

    I lost 2.5 pounds...and I'm newsworthy again! Cheers to me! Cheers to GOOP! And cheers to the fact that I look like a dusty old yellow moth.

    Dusty yellow is the new thing, I swear. Dusty, yellow and bland, just like I am! It's so 2010, dude!

    "Ooh, I'm feelin' mellow
    Boring everyone
    Even my fellow...
    Says that I'm skinneremow ♫ "

    I
    (Pal Mario Batali once told Us Paltrow hits the gym three hours a day. and still looks like a boring, dry, dusty old house moth.)
    Last edited by Pippin; July 10th, 2009 at 09:16 PM.

  2. #32
    Elite Member qwerty's Avatar
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    Losing weight on a fast like this is one thing but keeping it off is another. I will not do them because I've seen two friends regain all the weight lost on a fast AND then some. Their metabolisms were wrecked for awhile.

    Food restriction triggers disordered eating behaviors in me so I won't go anywhere near fasting. When I eat superhealthy, I'll usually incorporate fruit and vegetable juicing into my regular fairly healthy diet. It's a decent compromise.

  3. #33
    Elite Member MrsMarsters's Avatar
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    It's fine if you are going to exercise, and eat healthy. I just do not get it..imo it is much easier to do that then to try these diet fads that make you eventually gain more weight. I would not want to just lose weight, I'd want to look toned.

  4. #34
    Elite Member aabbcc's Avatar
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    I don't agree with fasting to lose weight; however, it can be a very good self-healing tool. It also works wonders [for me] in regards to appetite control. I am one of those people who will constantly eat just because food is there. Fasting and mono-dieting have been very helpful with that.

    I read an interesting little tidbit about an experiment with lab mice. They put one group on a twice-a-week fasting schedule and let the other group eat as normal. The fasting mice not only lived longer, but they almost doubled their life span!

    I believe, based on what I've read regarding human nutrition and my own experience with it, that juice fasting/mono-dieting is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

    PS: The fish juice thing is just gross. Blech.

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