An Open Letter

**Valley Doll** · January 15th, 2009, 05:03 PM

I can't believe that I'm about to post this, because I'm opening myself up to severe criticism from the anti-fat brigade that marches around here, but what the hey. I seek the truth, because the truth sets me free.

I'm fat. Obese. A human hippo. F-ing fat. Whatever you want to label it. I've got no problems calling myself fat. That's what I am. I weigh more than 300 lbs. I'm not proud of that. But no one is perfect. Some people get drunk, get high, get laid by anything that walks. Everyone has a cross to bear. At the moment, fighting with my waistline is my struggle. I'm trying to do better. But I also don't beat myself up on a daily basis about it. I know that I have a lot of good qualities and that makes for me being OK with myself most of the time.

What I want to know is this: how is that you so-called enlightened people who support gay rights, animal rights, reproductive rights-all worthy causes-can't muster a polite tone toward us who are fat? I guess it's true: being anti-fat is the last chance that someone can be discriminatory against without fear of being called on it because everyone laughs at the morbidly obese. Right? Even I can laugh at a good fat joke. But the last time I checked I pay taxes, I breathe, and I want to be happy like everyone else. Being fat doesn't negate my rights as a human being. So why try to treat me in a sub-human fashion?

Where do some of you get off judging us fat people? You don't know my struggle, no more than I know yours. I'm not looking for sympathy--just the understanding that my weight issues doesn't make me less human than you skinny minnies.

A lot of you say that being fat isn't healthy. And you're right about that. But you can't tell me that all of you live 100% healthy lives. I'm willing to bet that some of you drive too fast. Is that in keeping with being healthy?

I wish that some of you would understand that very few fat people enjoy being fat. And yes, I can take measures in improving on that. But in the meantime, don't judge us heavyweights. Just show us the same respect that you seem to show so many others.

**Charmed Hour** · January 15th, 2009, 05:19 PM

From one fatty to another: I found your post well thought out and eloquent. I'm sending good thoughts your way in your struggle. It's not easy.

Wish I had something more enlightening to say.

**LynnieD** · January 15th, 2009, 05:20 PM

Can't answer, am too drunk.

**holly** · January 15th, 2009, 05:20 PM

I don't have a problem with fat people. My problem is with the extremely obese folks who complain & expect everyone & everything to change to accomodate their size. So, my problem is just with the complainers.

**Cali** · January 15th, 2009, 05:22 PM

Actually I think the members here are really healthy and not hateful. We often bag on too-thin celebs. and in the health /fitness board, there's lots of encouragement for healthy weight loss and empathy for members who struggle with their weight. I've honestly not read a hateful word toward fat members on GR.

What post got under your skin and inspired this letter?

**Sleuth** · January 15th, 2009, 05:22 PM

just the understanding that my weight issues doesn't make me less human than you skinny minnies.

I'm not ok with people bashing anyones weight, but by saying "skinny minnies", you have done exactly that. Why is it ok for you to say "skinny minnies", when its not ok to comment on people who are overweight?

**levitt** · January 15th, 2009, 05:31 PM

I think this board has a generally healthy mindset. We say people look unhealthy when they are overly skinny AND when they are overweight too.

**NoDayButToday** · January 15th, 2009, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by Calimoonchild

I've honestly not read a hateful word toward fat members on GR.

There are definitely individual instances, there was one within the last month where I was dubbed Fat Mod Looking For Acceptance by someone. I have always been open about my personal weight struggles on this board, there was a thread dedicated to it in the health/fitness section, and for a long time I had my weight loss ticker in my sigs.

That person was banned though, and I've just learned to stay out of the threads that I know are about a celebrity getting heavy or a news story about a fat person.

**msdeb** · January 15th, 2009, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by Sleuth

I'm not ok with people bashing anyones weight, but by saying "skinny minnies", you have done exactly that. Why is it ok for you to say "skinny minnies", when its not ok to comment on people who are overweight?

good point!

**mrs.v** · January 15th, 2009, 06:51 PM

Valley Doll,I'm sorry if you've felt slighted or offended here.I think everyone can identify with what you're feeling in one way or another.

I just take a bit of an issue with you lumping everyone here as "anti fat brigade" and "skinny minnies".Why not address the particular posts you had a problem with? That's all.

**Sasha** · January 15th, 2009, 06:55 PM

Valley Doll, that was very courageous of you.

My only concern about your weight is-are you healthy? People can be fat and still be physically active, have normal blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol levels, so on and so forth. If you are otherwise healthy I wouldn't worry too much about it, just stay active and eat healthy. The weight will come off, slowly but surely, if you only add a little bit of activity every day and remember to breathe. (remember Susan Powder? she was right. You need to get the oxygen flowing)

If you are not healthy then I do have concerns for you. My sister used to be obese, really f-ing fat as you say. She had gastric bypass and I sort of criticized her for that because she was so young and I felt she could have done it on her own. But now that she's lost all her weight she is much more active, healthy and happy and I'm glad she did it. Is this an option for you?

Oh, and I'm not a skinny minnie. Right now I'm at my highest weight in years because I gained so much over the holidays. I need to get moving!

**ArmyWifey** · January 15th, 2009, 06:58 PM

Welcome to Gossip Rocks, this whole site is designed to have our 2 cents, it isn't all Rainbows an Butterflies...I think if that kind of thinking isn't your cup of tea, then maybe one of the other million GOSSIP boards isn't for you, thankfully there are another million that aren't designed like this site...

**McJag** · January 15th, 2009, 07:00 PM

I don't think anyone here means to be mean. If I have said anything negative,I do apologise. Please don't take our comments as being directed at you,personally. I posted in the thread when the lady had to have an MRI at the zoo,because she is only 5' tall. I assume you are much taller. Most of us have admitted on another thread that we have good friends or relatives that are obese and we love them dearly. Some,it just suits. So,please-we are not talking about YOU when people say things. No one on here is accustomed to walking on eggs,that won't happen. Just take it at face value.

**Aella** · January 15th, 2009, 07:00 PM

Like others said, the generalisation and 'skinny minnies' crack is not helping getting your point accross. And yes, I do realise insulting skinny people does not have the same weight (er, pardon the pun) in today's cultural context than fat insults do, but two wrongs don't make a right.

But to get at the actual sentiment of the post-I don't personally have a problem with fat people. I'm concerned about the obesity epidemic in most First World countries, but when it comes down to it, like you said, we all have our vices. I smoke, like my booze and coffee, and would certainly have more meaningless sex if I met any more fuckable candidates. I do think it's getting a bit ridiculous if we have to 'supersize' furniture, doors and hospital equipment, but what can you do.

As for comments made on celebs' bodies...look, if you're looking for a fat-positive space, or even just a body-positive space, perhaps this is the wrong site? Because I guarantee you, there's something to offend EVERYONE here. Shit, even those of us in 'normal' weight ranges can see comments mocking a celeb feature/body part resembling something of ours. It's celebrity gossip, of COURSE it's superficial, mean and occasionally offensive.