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Thread: The FAT PIG DIET: by a thinner Michael Winner

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    Elite Member TheMoog's Avatar
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    Exclamation The FAT PIG DIET: by a thinner Michael Winner

    The fat pig: How I turned into a thinner Michael Winner

    Film director, restaurant critic and unabashed bon viveur, Michael Winner is a man with a vast appetite for life. But having tipped the scales at almost 16 stone, he's now slimmed down to under 12. Here, in the second of two extracts from his new book, he explains how he did it . . .

    Why, you may ask, did I have to wait until I was nearly 70 before I finally managed to lose weight, and keep it off? The answer is simple. Because I was a total pig.
    I tried diet after diet. They were all ridiculous. I considered liposuction, or having my mouth wired shut. Scroll down for more...
    A slimline Michael Winner with fiancee Geraldine having learned how to eat less

    Occasionally a pill would come on the market. I tried them all. They gave me diarrhoea or other nasty results. With one so-called miracle slimming pill, I put on six pounds in two weeks!
    Then some nutty American lady fell in love with me. She'd been a check-in girl at Chicago Airport. She made a fortune with The Beverly Hills Diet, a book that advised eating nothing but pineapple.
    Whenever I travelled, I'd get off the plane and a chauffeur would arrive with a posh carrier bag of pineapples. I hate pineapple! The girl thought it was the way to my heart. Did she have a wrong number?!
    • Her diet proved to be vastly unhealthy. People all over the world were getting mouth ulcers and being sick. They may or may not have been thinner, but what a price to pay!

    I was never on a diet. My method was simple - EAT LESS. It's the only rule you need. Have a little of what you fancy - just enough to keep you in touch with the tastes you love - but substantially less than you're used to.
    If you're out, leave food on the plate. Never mind what your friends say. Watch them stuff themselves and look like pigs. They'll want you to fail. Don't let them.
    If you're in, don't put food on the plate in any quantity at all. Just say: "Today I'm absolutely not going to eat much." Then see the results on the scales and be cheered - and say the same the following day.
    Once you get into the rhythm of it, it really isn't difficult. If I can do it - and I was weak-willed and stupid for decades about food - then there's no question you can.
    And the rewards are great. At the dinner for Gordon Ramsay's 40th birthday, Rory Bremner - whom I hadn't seen for a while - came over to me and said: "Where's your other half?"
    I thought he meant Geraldine, my fiancee. "She's over there," I said. "No, the other half of you. You're half the size you used to be," said Rory.
    It's things like that which keep you going. So here are more extracts from my dieting diary to inspire and entertain you.
    • FRIDAY, JUNE 23, 2006
    Morning weight 12st 10 1/4lb. Breakfast: goat's milk yoghurt with marmalade chucked in it, clementine juice.
    Had a call from a radio talk show asking me to comment on some report that men were getting to be more like women. I was able to say, with great truth, that I was less like a woman than I had been, because until I'd lost a lot of weight I'd had the biggest breasts on the beach! Scroll down for more...
    Before he shed the pounds: Michael dressed up as a fairy for his 2003 Christmas card

    Eleven-ish: coffee with Baileys Irish Cream. Lunch: Cottage cheese with blackcurrant jam whooshed in it and one sliced banana. Dinner: yoghurt with jam, a fillet steak with two grilled tomatoes. A few water biscuits.
    Then to another dinner (officially, but I drank only water) at the Hilton Hotel in Park Lane. The National Police Memorial, which I erected in the Mall in London, was being given an award from the Royal Institute of British Architects. It was, strangely, put in the Arts and Leisure category.
    How 1,600 dead policemen count as 'Arts and Leisure', I can't imagine. Night weight 12st 12lb.
    • MONDAY, JUNE 26
    Morning weight 12st 101/2lb. Breakfast: Yoghurt, clementine juice, etc. Lunch: a cocktail, hand mixed by me, of goat's milk yoghurt and sheep's milk yoghurt in the very same bowl. To that I added marmalade and a sliced banana. Who says dieting isn't exciting?
    Counting today, I've eaten out of my house for only 27 meals out of the last 94. Well over two-thirds of my lunches and dinners are eaten at home. I am close to a recluse.
    The press often refer to me as a 'boulevardier'. Anything less boulevardier than me I can't imagine. I turn down endless dinner parties and events. People say: "Come to dinner." I ask: "Who else is coming?"
    "My best friends are coming"' was one reply. What does that mean to me? Nothing! Then I was told who the best friends were. "I'd rather watch the spin dryer," I said. I guess I'm just a homebody.
    Night weight: 12st 123/4lb.
    Morning weight 13st 1/4lb.
    Breakfast: yoghurt, jam, juice. Lunch at San Lorenzo, a much under-rated restaurant brilliantly run by Mara Berni, who keeps falling down the stairs. She's been running the place for 43 years.
    Mara knows everyone and greets them like it's her home. Unfortunately she uses that as a reason not to let me pay. I left £100 on the table years ago and Mara chased me down Beauchamp Place, forcing me to take it back, saying: "You can't buy your way in here!"
    So I gave her presents of quite valuable ornaments from my house, and flowers and clothes for her grandchildren. I said: "Mara, soon I'll have no furniture left. You'll have the three piece suite and the telly. Please let me pay!"
    She wouldn't. So now I give the waiter £50 surreptitiously as I leave. This time I ate asparagus, shrimp risotto with organic rice, and the best chocolate ice cream you could hope to have.
    Night weight 13 st 1lb.
    • TUESDAY, JULY 18
    Morning weight 12st 10lb. Breakfast: the usual. Lunch: crabmeat, Hellmann's mayonnaise, salad. Dinner: vegetable drink, salted peanuts and raisins.
    Walked in Holland Park with Geraldine. We saw Dame Shirley Porter, the disgraced ex-leader of Westminster Council, walk by. She was extremely unhelpful when I wanted to put up my first police memorial, to WPC Yvonne Fletcher, in St James's Square. Then, when the memorial was eventually unveiled by Margaret Thatcher, with all other political leaders - Neil Kinnock, David Owen, David Steel - in attendance, Shirley Porter, the leader of the council for the borough where Yvonne gave her life, didn't even bother to turn up!
    I did not greet her in Holland Park. She did not greet me! What a cow!
    Night weight 12st 101/2lb.
    • FRIDAY, JULY 21
    Morning weight 12st 63/4lb. I am wasting away. May this joy be yours! Night weight 12st 81/2lb.
    Morning weight 12st 61/2lb. Breakfast as usual, followed by brown toast with marmalade, jam and cream cheese.
    To the wedding of Anji Hunter, ex-aide to Tony Blair, and the Sky political editor Adam Boulton. I asked Tony Blair (who I know and like): "On a scale of one to ten, how happy have you been the last year?"
    Tony thought for a second and said: "Seven." "That's very good," I said, "considering all the stick you're taking." "I'm doing what I like doing," responded Tone.
    David Blunkett was there with his dog. When I said "Hello David, Michael Winner," he said: "Nice to see you." When I introduced Geraldine, he said "Nice to see you" to her! As he's blind, I found that odd.
    I only ate two or three canapes at most. Only drank water. Night weight 12 st 81/4lb.
    Seven days into a three-week holiday with Geraldine in Beaulieu, in the south of France. We're staying in La Reserve de Beaulieu, where the restaurant has two Michelin stars.
    Very bad news for my diet! Obviously, veggie juice for lunch is not an option. I've been making a total pig of myself - roast goat, rabbit stuffed with apricots, langoustines roasted with foie gras, frog's legs with garlic mousse ... oh dear, oh dear.
    Didn't dare take my night weight yesterday, or the day before, but this morning it's 12st 3lb. Are the scales at our hotel favouring thinnie-Winnie rather strongly? I mean, how can I stuff myself like this and lose weight?
    Breakfast: chocolate cake, yoghurt with jam, bit of bread roll, orange juice, coffee. Lunch by the pool: nicoise salad with melon on the side.
    Dinner at the house of Leslie Bricusse, a friend since Cambridge, who wrote What Kind of Fool Am I? and other hits and is a great chef.
    Other guests were Michael Caine, Roger Moore and Bill Wyman. Barbecued shrimps, lamb Moroccan-style with salad, tomatoes and grilled figs, apple tart and cream.
    The only trouble dining with Leslie is that he lives in a gated estate - and although he gives you a password, it never works and I'm always trapped when I try to leave. I couldn't make the password numbers work on the panel by the gate.
    Then Sir Frank Lowe, a top advertising man, and his lady friend Pat Booth, a novelist, came along from the dinner. "Frank'll get us out," said Geraldine, as if I was incompetent. He tried and failed.
    "Roger Moore got out," observed Pat Booth. "He's James Bond, for heaven's sake," said Frank. I had to go back to the house to get Leslie to come and open it with his remote control!
    Morning weight 12st 41/2lb. Am finding these French scales generous, to say the least. Breakfast: Too many bread rolls. Yoghurt with jam, orange juice, coffee.
    Lunch: gazpacho, melon and a mint sorbet plus petits fours.
    Dinner with Elton John, David Furnish and Michael and Shakira Caine. Elton and I go way back - I made the first record of his that was ever released. It was for my 1970 Olympic epic: The Games.
    We had a background voice coming out of a radio, singing From Denver To LA, which had been recorded by a session singer. But I thought the voice was grating, so I asked for it to be re- done by another singer.
    My music booker rang me and reported: "I've got Reg Dwight here. He has a very melodious voice. Do you want to hear him before we record him? He's prepared to audition."
    I said: "Just get on with it." Reg Dwight was, of course, Elton John before he changed his name. He was terrific.
    Anyway, back to my food. Pate, crudities and vegetable salad, a lamb chop, strawberry jelly plus a little bit of fantastic apple pie and cream.
    Morning weight 12st 6lb. The awful truth will out when I return to my own scales at home today.
    Private jet left Nice 20 minutes late. Back in London, getting into my 1966 Rolls Royce Phantom V (it's the sort of car the Queen is driven around in), I noticed it was rusting like mad under the doors. You think the rich have it easy? Forget it!
    Lunch at home: grilled salmon, runner beans. Dinner: large glass of freshly extracted veggie juice (I added double cream), organic raw peas. Night weight 12 st 91/2lb - as I feared.
    Morning weight 12st 63/4lb. Breakfast as usual, then to Claridge's where Gordon Ramsay was hosting a launch for his autobiography. Gordon famously phoned me one night and said: "Whatever the Daily Telegraph claims I said tomorrow, I didn't." So, of course, I knew Gordon had shot his mouth off and was having regrets.
    The next day he was quoted saying: "Michael Winner knows nothing about food." The Telegraph rang me for a response. "God, the truth hurts," I said.
    I'm a great fan of Gordon. We've had a few spats, but so what. I had five canapes at his do, which were excellent. Night weight 12st 8lb.
    Birthday celebration in Lisbon with Geraldine. Morning weight 12st 3lb. The hotel brought a chocolate birthday cake up at breakfast time. It was exceptionally good. Also ate croissant and jam, orange juice, berries and natural yoghurt.
    We drove to a place called Obidos and had lunch at a cafe where they got all the orders wrong. They brought scrambled eggs and sausages, thinking they were for Geraldine, when she'd ordered a prawn cocktail. I got the sausages. Awful.
    When I said, "For madame the fish", the owner asked: "What fish?" I said: "The one we ordered!" Oh forget it. Portugal is no place for food. Night weight a mildly horrifying 12 st 6lb.
    Morning weight 12st 2lb. Breakfast: yoghurt, brown sugar - and a mix of clementine and orange juice! There's a variation for you. It's because, with no staff in on Sunday, I had to squeeze the juice myself. Who says I'm stupid in the kitchen?
    Lunch at the River Cafe. Bruschetta, Buck's Fizz, tagliolini with mushrooms, roast partridge, clementine sorbet. Dinner: apple juice, water biscuits, butter - and I didn't feel hungry afterwards.
    Not bad for a man who used to gobble two tubs of ice-cream as an after-dinner snack. Night weight 12st 4lb.
    Morning weight 11st 11lb. Amazing! The pounds are running off me like rats from the Titanic. Will I vanish altogether? I hope not. It would make too many people happy. Night weight 11st 12lb.
    Morning weight 11st 10lb. I'm four stone lighter than I used to be four years ago. What a lot of fat has fled.
    Celebration lunch at The Ivy: Buck's Fizz, endive, pear and walnut salad, braised beef with carrots, mashed potatoes (with added butter), gravy, bread and butter. In the old days, I'd have eaten all the braised beef. Now I couldn't and left lots on my plate.
    Morning weight 11st 131/4lb. Watched I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! Love to see nonentities under stress. David Gest is the funniest person I've seen on TV for years. I've voted for him to stay about 40 times!
    Morning weight 11st 13lb. Breakfast: juice, yoghurt, brown sugar. Lunch at The Wolseley. Chopped liver, then herring in cream, vanilla milkshake and biscuits.
    Went to dinner at St Alban, the new restaurant of Jeremy King and Chris Corbin, ex-bosses of The Ivy. Had some bread, ham, a shrimp salad and orange sorbet. All sensational.
    A lady came up and greeted me. I had no idea who she was. "What's your name?" I asked. She said: "You should know. I slept with you for a year!" Turns out she's an exgirlfriend for whom I still have particularly warm feelings!
    Night weight 12 st 3/4lb.
    Morning weight 11st 123/4lb. Breakfast: juice, yoghurt, jam.
    Lunch: grilled sole, beans, broccoli, carrots. Dinner: apple juice, strawberries.
    My laptop has crashed. I was in a total panic! A chap called Ken, in Newcastle, had to deal with it by remote control. I hate computers, laptops, radios, remote controls. I hate everything electronic except light bulbs.
    And I'm furious because last night, when I wasn't here to vote, they threw David Gest off I'm A Celebrity. As you can see, my life is full of meaningful things. Night weight 12st 3/4lb.
    Morning weight 11st 9lb. I've kept this food diary for seven months. This is the last entry.
    Breakfast: yoghurt, jam and juice. Lunch: poussin, roast potatoes, mixed veggies. Dinner at E&O in Notting Hill: baby spare ribs, pork belly, black cod, egg rice, veg, mixed sorbets. Night weight 11st 131/4lb.
    Now, outside my official diet diary, I am 11st 11lb. So I am one pound under being four stone lighter than I used to be. If that's not (a) a triumph and (b) a miracle, I don't know what is!
    What is more, you too can do it. I am thinner, happier, fitter, lovelier and all round better. Why deny that for yourself?
    But now I face the biggest test. In under two weeks I fly to the Sandy Lane hotel, Barbados, home of the most tempting and wonderful buffets in the world. How will I fare after three weeks there? Will I be back on the road to ruin? I'm panicking.
    Oh boy, did things turn out differently from what I'd expected!
    I arrived at Sandy Lane on December 16, a cheery idiot, determined to stay slim. On December 31, 2006, my last day of fairly normal life, my weight was back up slightly, to around 12st 2lb.
    The next day, January 1, 2007, I started to shake uncontrollably. I assumed it was something that would pass. It did not. I was taken to hospital in Barbados and then flown by air ambulance to London.
    I had contracted Vibrio Vulnificus, an incredibly rare disease, as the result of eating an oyster. This oyster was not 'off ' in the normal sense - Geraldine ate from the same serving and wasn't ill at all.
    The reason I got it when others didn't was because I suffered from a slightly fatty liver and had borderline diabetes. "Three apples came up on the slot machine!" said my doctor.
    According to which statistics you read, up to 95 per cent of people who get VV are dead in the first two days. I was close to death five times. If I did live, nobody thought I'd still have two legs - VV makes the flesh rot away.
    But I survived. One of the surgeons held his forefinger a millimetre from his thumb. "That's how close you were to dying, Mr Winner," he said. "Then why didn't I?" I asked. "Because you didn't want to," he replied.
    I had 19 operations and spent five-and-a-half months in hospital. I kept my legs, but they had to hack off my Achilles tendon, because it was rotting. I won't go into a major description. It might put you off your lunch. Or, indeed, eating anything at all.
    And I don't want to end on a down note. You are well and I want you to stay well. I want you to be reasonably slim, happy and self-confident, like me. I've no doubt at all that if you follow the dieting advice I've given you, you will achieve all those things.
    My own weight went down to 11st when I was ill. I'm now back up to 11st 12lb, which is where I want to stay. And because my tendon has gone and I can't take much exercise, I am having to follow my own dieting dictum - EAT LESS! - more strictly than ever.
    I hope you'll have the strength of purpose to use my diet as a guide. Either way - whether you say 'Winner be damned, I will have that enormous plate of ice cream'or you say 'If a fat pig like Winner could do it, so can I' - I wish you well.
    Be happy. Enjoy life. But show discipline.

    • EXTRACTED from The Fat Pig Diet by Michael Winner, published by JR Books on October 17 at £12.99. °Michael Winner 2007. To order a copy (p&p free), call 0845 606 4206.

    The fat pig: How I turned into a thinner Michael Winner | the Daily Mail

  2. #2
    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    Nov 2006


    the fairy pic is freaking the shit out of me!

    but seriously EAT LESS! what a concept! lol.

    my mom is always going on funked up diets. and i always tell her to just freaking eat less. she goes to buffets all the time. then she eats all these weird diet things. or shakes or whatever. and yoyos.

    dieting is stupid. it has to be a way of life. so i've found out.

  3. #3
    Elite Member GRuser1's Avatar
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    Eat less and do sports... it isn't that difficult, really.
    I wonder why it takes so long to get it sometimes, especially Holliwood celebrities.

  4. #4
    Elite Member Laurent's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Melyanna View Post
    I wonder why it takes so long to get it sometimes, especially Holliwood celebrities.
    Probably because eating less and exercising sensibly will only get and keep you at a healthy weight. Most Hollyweird celebs are way below healthy.
    “What are you looking at, sugar-tits?” - Mel Gibson

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    eat less ,that makes sense ,most people continue to eat even though their full

  6. #6
    Gold Member esmereldagrubb's Avatar
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    Oh but you CAN eat more and loose weight....
    If the mind, that rules the body, ever so far forgets itself as to trample on its slave, the slave is never generous enough to forgive the injury, but will rise and smite the oppressor. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Michael Winner looks ill now he has lost weight, some people go way too far and it ages them.

  8. #8
    Hit By Ban Bus! Lily's Avatar
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    Everywhere and nowhere.


    I lost weight after I saw that pic of him dressed as a fairy.

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