Jessica Simpson Better Lose Weight Or She Isn't Getting Married

**NVash** · February 11th, 2011, 02:14 PM

Jessica Simpson Is Too Fat To Get Married

Jessica Simpson should really enter a stress eating contest now, because her fiance, Eric Johnson, says he can't marry someone who has to shop at Dick's SportingGoods for a wedding dress. National Enquirer reports:

“Diet or we’re done!” Jessica Simpson’s expanding waistline prompted an ugly ultimatum like that from her fiance Eric Johnson - and pals say the blonde beauty is heartsick over vicious weight-related fights that are jeopardizing their wedding plans. The 5-foot-3 singer is rapidly approaching the 150-pound mark because of her love for Mexican food, margaritas and “anything fried,” an insider told The Enquirer. “And now it looks like her weight gain is ripping them apart!” Eric, a former San Francisco 49ers football player, proposed in early November after a six-month courtship. “He is in tip-top shape and feels like Jessica is letting herself go,” divulged the insider. “They’ve recently had some brutal fights, and finally Eric basically told Jess if she didn’t lose weight soon, he was calling the whole thing off."

Eric Johnson is a former professional athlete and a vegan. Jessica Simpson is currently retarded and eats like a zombie who just walked into a daycare. So, long story short, I completely believe this story. It's hard to be in love with a woman when you're pretty sure her vows are gonna include the words "Are you gonna finish that?"

Source: IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com: Jessica Simpson Is Too Fat To Get Married

Wow, she can really pick them. Man doesnt even have any money and hes telling her to lose weight or he wont marry her? I pity her. Ive said it before and Ill say it again. She looks really good with that weight on her, she just needs to learn how to dress.

**rollo** · February 11th, 2011, 02:18 PM

He is a prize if he said that. He's gonna love her when she's pregnant.

**cmmdee** · February 11th, 2011, 02:23 PM

Is this a joke? He better brush up on his golddigging skills.

Shut up and look pretty and cash that check. Sheesh.

**Beeyotch** · February 11th, 2011, 02:57 PM

Well he's probably doing them both a favor if this means the wedding won't happen. Still, what a mean ultimatum to give someone you supposedly love. Especially when that someone signs your checks.

Now watch her be too dumb and insecure to run far and fast from this piece of work.

**gas_chick** · February 11th, 2011, 03:08 PM

Jesus I'm just gonna put a gun in my mouth. It's not like she needs a lift to get out of bed or anything.

**Lobelia** · February 11th, 2011, 03:09 PM

Eric Johnson is a former professional athlete and a vegan. Jessica Simpson is currently retarded and eats like a zombie who just walked into a daycare.

*snort*

For a second there, I thought I was reading Michael K.

Love the thread title. And this is excellent news.

**Laurent** · February 11th, 2011, 03:11 PM

This is hilarious. I think this dude thinks of her as his gravy train (pun intended), so I doubt he'd ever call it off, but I bet he's just assholish enough to threaten it.

**greysfang** · February 11th, 2011, 03:22 PM

I hope she ends up not marrying him. I have a bit of a soft spot for Messica and don't want her ruining her life with this leech.

**happy8** · February 11th, 2011, 03:31 PM

Um.....has he looked in the mirror lately? He has a mush body, saggy ass and is in not in shape himself.

**BBDSP** · February 11th, 2011, 03:33 PM

I'm a bit skeptical. She's his meal ticket, after all. Who cares how fat she gets.

Plus I think she looks fine with some extra avoidupois. I like her as long as I don't have to see her act or listen to her sing. If he pulled that shit on her she should kick him to the curb.