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Thread: The poetry of Glenn Beck

  1. #1
    Elite Member Fluffy's Avatar
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    Default The poetry of Glenn Beck

    The poetry of Glenn Beck

    Every day the Fox News pundit feels the pain and suffering of average Americans. Now it's time to experience his free verse.

    By Hart Seely and Tom Peyer


    Editor's note: The following poems are transcribed verbatim from Beck's broadcasts.


    Mar. 31, 2009 |

    MEATBALLS AT THE FURNITURE STORE


    Somebody said let's make Swedish meatballs at the furniture store
    And somebody else said, that's a stupid idea; nobody's going to want meatballs at the furniture store.
    And the first guy on that first day, his ass was on the line.
    And so one customer came for lunch, he knew he had to get rid of the meatballs
    And he was like, yeah, you want meatballs from the furniture store?
    And they're like, yeah, I guess; my wife has been dragging them around forever.
    Anything. Just whatever. I was thinking about eating an ottoman
    A little while ago but then meatballs has actual meat in it
    And then the guy behind the counter said, well, I'm not really sure
    But ya, ya, sure. So then he takes the meatballs
    And he has to put them on a huge plate
    Because he has to get rid of them.
    Otherwise, you know, the big Swede is going to say
    That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
    And so now that one fat guy who had the big bowl of meatballs
    Now buys all of his furniture there and has told all of his fat friends,
    Buy your furniture there because your wife will walk around
    And you'll have an hour worth of eating meatballs
    And that's what happened.

    ("The Glenn Beck Program," Premiere Radio Networks, Nov. 21, 2007)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    TIME TO BELIEVE

    It's time to stop playing
    Games in this country.
    It is time to actually believe
    In something. I do.
    I know you do as well.
    Believe in something.
    Even if it's wrong.

    ("Glenn Beck," Fox News, March 11, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    DISGRUNTLED

    As they were describing him, what they said was,
    Here is a guy who felt that he had been wronged.
    He didn't feel comfortable talking to anybody.
    He was disgruntled and everything else.
    And then he went out and shot a bunch of people.

    As they were describing him, and they said,
    You got to go, now more than ever,
    You got to start talking to people,
    You have to start connecting with people
    Because, they're going in hard times, yada, yada, yada.

    As I'm listening to the description,
    First of all, this guy is a psycho, clearly, he's a psycho.
    But as I'm listening to him, I'm thinking
    About the American people that feel disenfranchised
    Right now, that feel like nobody's hearing their voice.

    The government isn't hearing their voice; even if you call,
    They don't listen to you on both sides; if you're a conservative,
    You are called a racist; you want to starve children,
    Yada, yada, yada, they're, and every time they do speak out,
    They are shut down by political correctness.

    How do you not have those people turn into that guy?

    ("Glenn Beck," Fox News, March 12, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    WRONG WITH US

    Put these people in jail, put these people in jail,
    Put them in jail, what is wrong with us;
    We knew this guy was in the country,
    He was -- he has been in the country
    And extradited before; we have thrown him
    Out of the country, then we brought him back, and
    Then we threw him out and he came back again;
    What the hell is wrong with us, what is wrong with us.

    ("Glenn Beck," Fox News, March 11, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    FRIDAY'S SHOW

    We've got time to write tickets, we've got time to write tickets,
    Have the police officers write tickets, you know why; because

    That way, the city has money that they can bribe people
    To vote for them; they don't want to enforce these laws

    Because they want more votes; you know it happens every time;
    They're doing it to the border patrol, they're doing it to the cops,

    They're doing it to our soldiers, every single time we have somebody
    Wear our uniform with our name and put them in harm's way,

    We don't support them; why, because of some stupid politician;
    I've had enough. I have had enough. Michael, thank you very much.

    We'll talk to you on this; please follow this story for us;
    We'll talk to you again; you know, this is why we're doing the show on Friday.

    ("Glenn Beck," Fox News, March 11, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Tomorrow: More of Glenn Beck's greatest poems, including "Chocolate Milk" and "Bat Snot."

    -- By Hart Seely and Tom Peyer

  2. #2
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    i cannot stand Glenn Beck
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Ummm-well-ummm...
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    WTF? Is this a crackhead???

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    rippled doughboy speaks
    silence falls, leaf on water
    uncaring world smiles
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member nana55's Avatar
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    In San Diego we have no progressive radio stations on AM anymore. My FM doesn't work so I switch from Glenn to Dennis Miller and other various assholes. Glenn is the funniest though because he is CRAZY. I sometimes wonder how he even got a show!
    If I can't be a good example, then let me be a horrible warning.

  7. #7
    Silver Member chattykathy's Avatar
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    Glenn got a show because he is off the wall and non partisian. He's funny, but his poetry isn't.
    ""Somebody needs to talk to Alex Castellanos: he may not be doing sex right if he thinks an Obama speech is 'like sex'."~ Rush Limbaugh

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    ^^ he's a right wing nutjob that moved to FOX because he was too retarded even for CNN.

    He's basically a TV rush limbaugh. Tall on bluster, short on fact.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Glenn Beck drives me nuts. Another idiot who has no area of expertise, advising people about political events.

    His latest shtick is to be apocalyptic about nearly every national or world development. He probably thinks McDonald's Shamrock shake is some kind of plot by Earthfirst to turn our children into environmental zealots.

  10. #10
    Elite Member nana55's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chattykathy View Post
    Glenn got a show because he is off the wall and non partisian. He's funny, but his poetry isn't.
    NON PARTISIAN!! WTF, do you even listen to him? He may not be Republican he's even worse, he super far right conservative. He is, in his own little way, trying to get people to overthrow the Obama administration. My brother-in-law who used to love him, read his books etc., thinks he's turned into a nut job.
    If I can't be a good example, then let me be a horrible warning.

  11. #11
    Elite Member KrisNine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grimmlok View Post
    ^^ he's a right wing nutjob that moved to FOX because he was too retarded even for CNN.

    He's basically a TV rush limbaugh. Tall on bluster, short on fact.
    i just think he's a pure nutjob!! Stewart and Colbert have been ripping into him. Showing him freaking out and crying, what a crack pot.

  12. #12
    Elite Member Fluffy's Avatar
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    Another issue of poems. Y'all know you want more!
    The poetry of Glenn Beck, Vol. 2

    The new Fox News star beams in on breast cancer and the Constitution, God and Bill O'Reilly.
    By Hart Seely and Tom Peyer
    Editor's note: The following poems are transcribed verbatim from Beck's broadcasts.

    Apr. 01, 2009 |
    CHOCOLATE MILK

    So anyway, I'm on the plane
    And they start in on breast cancer
    And they say, you know, if you buy a certain drink,
    You know, the proceeds go for breast cancer,
    And originally I thought, that's kind of cool.

    And then they made the announcement
    A second time and I'm like, okay, you know,
    What am I flying Activist Airlines now?
    Like, I get it.

    Then the third time really became
    The unfriendly skies for me
    Because they started lecturing us
    On how we hadn't given enough
    And they said, you know, we've really not sold a lot of these,

    And I don't remember what it was.
    I don't remember what it was.
    I was going to say it was like chocolate milk
    But that would probably be bad to sell for breast cancer.

    So it wasn't definitely milk
    But it was something that I didn't want to drink,
    And I don't remember what it was but I thought, well, I don't want that
    And, you know, and the stewardess said, we do this all the time now
    Because our airline cares about breast cancer

    And we have really not raised very much money this flight
    And we know you guys care about breast cancer,
    Bah, blah, blah,
    And I wanted to say,

    I care about you pulling into the terminal on time
    And delivering my luggage all intact.
    I care about breast cancer as well
    But that's not really your primary job and
    Please don't lecture me on giving until it hurts.

    For the love of Pete.
    Because all I kept thinking is, they don't really care.
    Do you really think this giant corporate monolith cares?
    They don't care.

    Now, maybe some of the individuals do,
    But as a corporation they care?
    They're doing it for good PR.
    They want to be the airline that cares.
    Am I being too harsh?

    Notice nobody's --
    Wow, nobody wants to go
    On record with me, huh?
    I'm standing all alone.

    ("The Glenn Beck Program," Premiere Radio Networks, Nov. 27, 2007)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    BAT SNOT

    You always get hassled; people always go,
    O, Bill O'Reilly, he is just a hatchet man
    For the Bush administration. The deal is,
    I've watched your show enough to know
    You hammer the bat snot out of both sides.

    Bat snot.

    ("The O'Reilly Factor," Fox News, March 6, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    IMAGINE

    Let's say you are in Saudi Arabia
    Where nobody's ever heard of the Trinity.
    You're a Catholic. Nobody's ever heard of
    The Trinity. What, the Trinity?

    What, it's three in one,
    They're everywhere and nowhere.
    Jesus is on the cross
    But he's really God.

    So God has died but
    Yet he didn't die
    And how does this --
    Imagine you've never heard this before.

    So you've never heard
    Any kind of explanation.
    So it works.
    You know what I mean?

    ("The Glenn Beck Program," Premiere Radio Networks, Dec. 7, 2007)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    THE BORDER

    You stand up for the border,
    You're a racist.
    Are you really a racist?
    I'm not a racist.

    ("The Glenn Beck Program,"Premiere Radio Networks, Nov. 27, 2007)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    CHALLENGE

    I challenge anyone, Republican or Democrat,
    To point to the word "charity" in our Constitution;
    The government, I've never felt charitable,
    Never felt charitable on April 15th, have you?

    But I have when I have written out a check
    Myself and sent it in to the fire department
    Or sent it in to Jon's hospital, or sent it in to my church,
    I do feel charitable then; it's about changing people's hearts.

    And I got to tell you, tax day makes my heart
    All black and bigger; maybe it's just me.
    Check out all the nine principles
    And the 12 values at GlennBeck.com.

    Now, should we legalize marijuana?

    ("Glenn Beck," Fox News, March 2, 2009)

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Tomorrow : More of Glenn Beck's best verse, including "Forgotten Man" and "To a Lover."
    -- By Hart Seely and Tom Peyer
    Glenn Beck poetry | Salon

  13. #13
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    this isn't even poetry.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    his poetry proves
    that Beck is crazier than
    an old shithouse rat

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    Elite Member kingcap72's Avatar
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    First of all, this guy is a psycho, clearly, he's a psycho.


    Beck describing himself perfectly in his own words.

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