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Thread: This person needs a job

  1. #1
    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Jon Hamm's pants

    Thumbs down This person needs a job

    This person needs a job. This individual seeks an executive position. He will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.


    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, DC 20520

    Law Enforcement:

    I was arrested in Kennebunkport , Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine,
    and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.


    I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions
    about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam .


    I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.


    I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

    I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company,
    but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

    I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

    With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry
    (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas .


    I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted
    state in the Union . During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America .

    I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

    I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

    With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments
    to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States , after losing by over 500,000 votes.


    I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

    I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

    I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.Treasury.

    I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

    I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

    set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

    I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
    In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

    I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.
    My "poorest millionaire," Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

    I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

    I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

    My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay,
    presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

    My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my
    success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

    I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
    More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
    investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy
    crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

    I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

    I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
    government contracts.

    I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

    I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy
    in the history of the United States Government.

    I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove
    the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

    I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

    I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and
    thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

    I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
    inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

    I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President
    since the advent of television.

    I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period.
    After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

    I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks
    and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world,
    the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

    I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest
    me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against
    any person in the history of mankind.

    I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military
    occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority
    of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

    I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits
    for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

    In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
    Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

    I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%)
    view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

    I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

    I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.


    All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library,
    sealed and unavailable for public view.

    All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies
    are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

    All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding
    public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that
    my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

  2. #2
    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007


    Send his ass to the unemployment line!

  3. #3
    Elite Member Rondette's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Between uncertainty and acceptance


    Well, he's going now, thank fuck!

  4. #4
    Elite Member panda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Hotlanta, GA


    I want to see W and all his buddies in jail!

    Petunia Pearl

  5. #5
    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Jon Hamm's pants


    Technically I should have put Dubya's name in the title thread... mods, please change if needed.
    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

  6. #6
    Gold Member Glitter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Down the rabbit hole.


    I am going to print this and leave it for my boss with a note saying someone needs a job.
    Life is what happens to you
    While you're busy making other plans ~ John Lennon

  7. #7
    Elite Member Sweetie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Den of the roving cunty bitches


    Sadly, this bastard will still make around $192,000.00 a year for doing nothing.

  8. #8
    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Smokin' with your baby


    ^^^ Exactly.

    Impeachment was more than warranted.
    Posted from my fucking iPhone

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