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Thread: The Onion is psychic - read this humor article from 2001

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Question The Onion is psychic - read this humor article from 2001

    Reader JM sent this in. It's from The Onion, circa 2001 from George Bush's inauguration. Could they have been more prophetic about what Republican rule would bring to America? Seriously - read this - it's creepy:


    Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

    President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."

    "My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

    Bush swore to do "everything in [his] power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

    During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.

    "You better believe we're going to mix it up with somebody at some point during my administration," said Bush, who plans a 250 percent boost in military spending. "Unlike my predecessor, I am fully committed to putting soldiers in battle situations. Otherwise, what is the point of even having a military?"

    On the economic side, Bush vowed to bring back economic stagnation by implementing substantial tax cuts, which would lead to a recession, which would necessitate a tax hike, which would lead to a drop in consumer spending, which would lead to layoffs, which would deepen the recession even further.

    Wall Street responded strongly to the Bush speech, with the Dow Jones industrial fluctuating wildly before closing at an 18-month low. The NASDAQ composite index, rattled by a gloomy outlook for tech stocks in 2001, also fell sharply, losing 4.4 percent of its total value between 3 p.m. and the closing bell.



    AMERICAblog News| A great nation deserves the truth

    ... wow.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member Belinda's Avatar
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    This was written in 2001? How disturbing.
    Last edited by Belinda; October 17th, 2008 at 02:29 PM.

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    funny. and also depressing... that's the thing with the bush victory - anyone with a brain could have told you it was going to be a disaster, though maybe not as accurately as the onion. that's what makes it all the more unbelievable (and depressing as hell) that he was elected not once, but twice.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    I remember sitting in quiet shock in the car with my husband the day that Bush's Supreme Court-sanctioned coup was announced. I said to my husband, "What is your biggest fear now that Bush is going to be president?"

    He answered, "That we're going to go to war."

    I said, "Mine is that the economy is going to go down the toilet."

    It really didn't take a prophet to draw these conclusions.
    Posted from my fucking iPhone

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Hmmm, absolutely nothing shocking about this, anyone with any sense could have told you the same thing back in '01.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."


    WTF? How is that a bad thing??? O__o

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I don't really think anyone could have guessed in his wildest dreams how much one man could do. We have never seen this before. He breaks all records.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    Bush has definitely exceeded my dismal expectations. I expected something bad, and I got something worse.
    Posted from my fucking iPhone

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    Elite Member ana-mish-ana's Avatar
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    His past record was a precursor to this- every business venture or major decision turned to shit.

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    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NicoleWasHere View Post
    "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."


    WTF? How is that a bad thing??? O__o

    ... it's satire.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Elite Member Belinda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shinola View Post
    Bush has definitely exceeded my dismal expectations. I expected something bad, and I got something worse.
    We certainly did. Even my parents who are staunch Republicans are disgusted with Bush.

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    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ana-mish-ana View Post
    His past record was a precursor to this- every business venture or major decision turned to shit.
    Exactly! And what is worse: I saw a documentary on it, I mean: it was documented ON FILM as it was happening. I think they made the documentary to launch his political career, but even then you could tell most people around him knew all too well the only reason he could make that step was because of big daddy. The guy is a walking failure.
    Warren Beatty: actor, director, writer, producer.

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    Elite Member Str8_uncut-jock's Avatar
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    Sure, it's easy for a lot of us to sit now and say it was clear this was going to happen...but a majority of people never thought things would get this bad...and they literally laughed at those of us who, in 2000, spoke of these things. I have no pity for republicans who are losing their money in the markets now or those dems who crossed the line, or failed to vote against GWB. I just wish they were "smart" when they needed to be and not now 8 years later. Pathetic losers and we are all paying the price for their complete ignorance.

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    Elite Member NicoleWasHere's Avatar
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    Wow, I feel like a sure genius -.-;;

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    Elite Member Shinola's Avatar
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    ^^ You are!
    Posted from my fucking iPhone

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