Robin Williams and Jon Stewart both say they'll never toss their tinfoil-lined hats into the political ring, but that didn't stop the comics from offering advice to lawmakers last weekend.
"I would never run for office because I make [Bill] Clinton look Amish," declared Williams after Sunday's New Yorker Festival screening of his new movie, "Man of the Year," in which he plays a comedian who wins the presidency.

Though Williams said the movie's plot mirrored the 2004 presidential contest in Ohio (where "the guy who owned Diebold voting machines basically promised Bush the election"), he cautioned that, in real life, "we need to find someone who inspires us not someone you can laugh at."

Naturally, Williams saw ex-Rep. Mark Foley as falling into the latter category. When Williams wasn't imagining what Jimmy Stewart might say if "Mr. Smith" returned to Washington, he was doing a Chevalier-style sashay across the stage, singing, "Thank heaven for little boys "

Williams still wants to know what that mysterious bulge was under President Bush's jacket during his first debate with John Kerry. "You know Cheney was controlling his limbs from behind the curtain," said Williams, who turned himself into a flailing robot when Cheney's levers got stuck.

Looking fresh after his recent rehab, Williams said he believes in "full disclosure" and regretted only that his friend Jack Nicholson "isn't into politics. [Jack would say,] 'Sex scandals? What do you want? I've done 'em all. Twice. And I have it on tape!'"

Across town, "Daily Show" host Stewart, who was mentioned in Williams' satire, told New Yorker editor David Remnick not to look for him on any ticket. People wearing "Stewart/Colbert '08" T-shirts "are a real sign of how sad people are" at the state of affairs in the country, according to the comic.

Stewart said prolonged exposure to political spinners from both parties has shown him "they are all corrupted. They all know each other. They all laugh about it backstage. It's horrifying."

"I feel bad for Ann Coulter," he said dryly. "After you've denigrated the widows of men who lost their lives on 9/11, I just don't know what your followup book is. Unless it's to dig up Mother Teresa and stuff a d into her eye." (Good thing Stewart's 2-year-old, Nathan, who was in audience calling "Da-da," hasn't learned that word.)

Stewart, who recently hosted Pakistan's president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, said he's been trying to get top Bush administration officials to appear. "We have requests in there to everyone, including Barney," Bush's Scottish terrier.

"Only Barney replies."

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