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Thread: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

  1. #1
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Talking A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

    I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

    I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

    I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

    I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice. Must be hard to keep clean though.

    I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

    I'm sorry about our refusal on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

    And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this.

    We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

    Rick Mercer, This Hour Has 22 Minutes
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  2. #2
    Elite Member cynic's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    If he were sincere, he would invite George up for a little visit and then lose him for us.......tell him there are WMD at the North Pole and give him a sled.....anything. Take him hunting for snipe.....with Dick.

  3. #3
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Just what I expected. A kiss our asses! Don't forget guys, if we go down, you go too, all on the same ship!*cue evil laughter* Muhhahahahahahaha! Sike! Starts singing: Oh Canada! Oh Canada! You make my favorite Ginger Ale!

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    Gold Member Karizma's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Canada has nothing to do with US, if US is going down it will go down on its own. It's like saying if Sudan is going down then South Africa will!!??

  5. #5
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Well.. that's not entirely true. If the US goes down, where will we export our most annoying celebrities?
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Gold Member Karizma's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    now now Middle East will always serve such request

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    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Well thankfully, Michael has been taken off our hands. More thankfully off our entire continent! WOOHOO.

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    Hit By Ban Bus! DirtyPool's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    I'd like to see the asshole author of this article come on down and try saying that shit here in the u.s.. In about 6 to 8 minutes he would be left butt up with a flower in it.

  9. #9
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    ^^ Actually, he also does another show.. "Talking to Americans!", in which he showcases your ridiculously sketchy grasp of the world by asking hilariously simple questions to people (even harvard professors) who invariably give the wrong answers.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  10. #10
    Elite Member cynic's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Quote Originally Posted by DirtyPool
    I'd like to see the asshole author of this article come on down and try saying that shit here in the u.s.. In about 6 to 8 minutes he would be left butt up with a flower in it.
    Only if he goes to your house.....we'd have a nice cup of tea at mine.....

  11. #11
    Gold Member equallydivided's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Submitted by <fuck.at.you.com> (View user info) at 2003-11-17 16:23:44

    Canada sucks and I hate Canada. They is dumb not like us smart Americans. I hope Cananda blowed up on themselves. I know a Canadian and he hads shifty eyes. They are a society funded on lies because they call ham Canadian Bacon when they know it's just ham. Canada outlaws Howard Stern and took him off of the radio because they are scared of free thought. Canada has cheap prescription drugs to lure our elderly over the boarder . . . then they rape them. That last sentence is a true story, look it up in USA Today, it happens all the time. We can't trust Canada because they speak French and we can't understand that language. We all know how the Frenchies are pussies and Canadaians are the French peoples bithches, so that makes Canada a bigger bitch than a bitch. And why do they always say "eh" at the end of there sentences? I think it's because they is "eh-holes". I also hate how they look down on you for finishing high school early with a GED because you wanted to get a real job. The other funny thing is that most of the teams in the NHL are losing money and the league is probably going to fold up next year. HAHAHA those stupid Canadians love hockey so much: What does a canadian girl and a hockey goalie have in common? They both change their pads after three periods eh? Canadians are also famously cheap: What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? Canoes tip. I hate everyone in Canada so I hope the all get herpes from sleeping with their snow dogs on cold nights. Pamela Anderson said she got Hepatitis C because she deserved it for being Canadian (that's what the C stands for). I've never wroten anything that other people would read before and I just got on the internet for the first time this week. I'm proud that all the world will read this and have a better understanding of Canada. I had to speak out against the evil-doers in Canada. Go to hell Canada, go to hell!!!


    http://ubersite.com/m/18662





    Haaaa! Satire...gotta love it. I had to do it Grimm.

  12. #12
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Canada has cheap prescription drugs to lure our elderly over the boarder . . . then they rape them.
    Mmm nothin says lovin like elderly priapism
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Gold Member equallydivided's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    12/14/2005 10:12:00 PM
    Left Coast
    13140
    Why Canada sucks part 7,854
    Paul Martin shrugs
    By... DANEgerus
    via Fillibuster Cartoons
    E-MailThe (D)emocrat's wet dream is the slippery slope to authoritarian tyranny:
    Beverly McLachlin, the Chief Justice of Canada made a controversial speech in New Zealand this week before a gathering of law students.

    She openly encouraged judges to feel "emboldened" to overturn legislation whenever they feel it is necessary, and said that even the restraints of the written constitution itself should viewed rather liberally, since constitutions are "incomplete." It's apparently the job of judges to fill in the blanks, or even re-evaluate entire sections all together, if they are deemed inconsistant with essiential "norms."

    Over the years, Ms. McLachlin has been a prominent advocate of an all-powerful, political judiciary that is answerable to no one. She has previously criticized politicians in Canada who argue that Supreme Court Justices should be interviewed and appointed by parliament, rather than simply picked unilaterally by the Prime Minister.
    The current Prime Minister Paul Martin is hip deep in the AdScam scandal where his party diverted tax dollars to itself, ordered the judiciary to suppress information coming out of the criminal investigations and then bought an MP to postpone an election that was forced upon them anyway.

    Their response?

    Bash America!
    "I understand political expediency, but the last time I looked, the United States was not on the ballot for the Jan. 23 election," [American envoy] Wilkins told the crowd gathered just steps away from Parliament Hill.
    Pointing out the obvious
    "Just think about this: What if one of our best friends criticized you directly and incorrectly almost relentlessly? What if that friend's agenda was to highlight your perceived flaws while avoiding mentioning your successes? What if that friend demanded respect but offered little in return?" Wilkins asked.

    "Wouldn't that begin to sow the seeds of doubt in your mind about the strength of the friendship?"

    In his pointed rebuke to campaigning politicians, but aimed principally at the Liberal leader, Wilkins warned them to tone down the rhetoric.

    "It may be smart election-year politics to thump your chest and constantly criticize your friend and your No. 1 trading partner," the U.S. Ambassador to Canada said. "But it is a slippery slope, and all of us should hope that it doesn't have a long-term impact on the relationship."
    ...
    "The United States is, in fact, reducing emissions and spending more money on tackling climate change than any other country in the world, having spent over 20 billion dollars in the last five years," said Wilkins. "I would respectfully submit to you that when it comes to a 'global conscience,' the United States is walking the walk," he added.
    Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's gotta hurt!



    http://www.danegerus.com/weblog/Comm...vComment=13140


    Ok, that's the last one......promise

    This of course has caused the Canucks to go into 'how dare he point out the truth' meltdown.

    Canada's divisions demonstrate that the problem in modern politics is the collectivist authoritarianism of the Left. In America the press blames Bush for 'a divisive country' when in fact Canada is even more divided and they are led by their own.

  14. #14
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Pfft. considering the US spews out 25% of the world's climate change gasses, one would hope they'd be spending MORE than that.

    Btw, this article is some years old.. Paul Martin hasn't been PM for some time

    We're not very divided at all.. voting patterns indicate a much more homogenous opinion regarding those in power. We don't hold our elected officials on such a high pedestal, nor do we view them as celebrities. We mock them constantly, and they even play along on tv! They're good sports for the most part.

    As for the Judges, they tread awfully lightly. Parliament went to them for a ruling on the constitutionality of banning same sex marriage, and the Supreme Court basically said "Yes, it would be unconstitutional... but that's our interpretation. It's up to Parliament to make the laws." so they tossed the decision back to the elected body.
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

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    Gold Member ohmygoodness's Avatar
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    Default Re: A heartfelt apology to the USA from Canada

    Oh Rick Mercer. I would love to marry him. He is Canada's Jon Stewart. Did anybody watch his special before the election? Omg, the segment he did with Jack Layton was absolutely hilarious.

    And Talking to Americans! is my favourite tv special ever. "Would you sign this petition to ban the seal hunt in Saskatchewan?" oh and, "Congratulations Canada, on finally switching to the 24 hour clock!" (as opposed to the 26 hour clock). And you know who said that last one? THE GOVERNER OF MINNESOTA! Minnesota is RIGHT across the border!!!! Oh, and another good one "What do you think of the bombing of Saskatchewan in Chechnya"?

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