'Twilight' - Page 5

TonjaLasagna · December 17th, 2008, 07:46 AM

Taylor Lautner's teeth are too white, he's too skinny, too small and too young. Besides, when they put him next to Rob Pattinson, poor Taylor can't measure up. They should replace Lautner or send him to military boot camp to toughen him up.

Aella · December 17th, 2008, 07:58 AM

They couldn't find a native actor to play him? Fucking Hollywood.

GaPeach · December 17th, 2008, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aella

They couldn't find a native actor to play him? Fucking Hollywood.

my thoughts exactly!!!!!!!!!

MoodyJenny86 · December 18th, 2008, 04:05 PM

I'm seeing it again tomorrow...

God that Robert Pattinson...

Damn him for being so fucking sexy!

GaPeach · December 18th, 2008, 09:56 PM

^^ your kidding right? He's Cedric Diggory for crying out loud.

Karistiona · December 23rd, 2008, 06:47 PM

Yeah I'd do him as Cedric OR Edward

So, I ADORED the books, just finished Breaking Dawn, but the movie was just urgh horrible horrible horrible! My 14 year old sister loved it, but I think that was just because of the Pattinson-love. I thought there were some bright points, but my god CARLISLE!!!! He looks like he's been poofed in the face with talcum powder. Horrifying. Not gonna watch this again, I'm praying for New Moon to be better. I cried my way through the book, but I seriously doubt that they'll be able to convey the emotion onto the screen, and I think that was Twilight's problem, so much of it was in Bella's head and those were the good parts of the book.

levitt · December 24th, 2008, 09:53 AM

Hey Karistiona, I completely agree - I'm a big fan of the books, absolutely absorb them but the film left me completely disappointed.

It was cringeworthy. Bad directing, wooden acting, terrible make-up, crazy camera close-ups - DREADFUL, basically. I don't understand how they could have gone quite so wrong.

Taylor Lautner was great as Jacob I thought, and now I hear they might be replacing him - bad idea, considering the calibre of the rest of the cast. Peter Facinelli was perfect as Carlisle but I agree, the make-up definitely made him look like a literal cadaver rather than a radiant, beautiful vampire.

So many things were wrong with it I best not get started...

sophie · December 25th, 2008, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grimmlok

You'd be surprised how a different director can drag an incredible performance out of a mediocre actor.

Still, it's funny to watch the main male lead do itnerviews or commercial spots.. he looks like he HATES being there, and that the entire thing is an embarrassment

PRECISLEY Grimm

Dont get me wrong-I think Robert is naturallly funny, and has the potential to be a great clooney-esque actor(with LOADS of help) however, if you hear him talk of how he was living mainly off royalties from HP, and getting fired from theater gigs....accepting the job was the smart thing to do, and thats why he did it.

His career was going nowhere fast, so his agent says take this, and you'll blow up. Its like an actor being casted to play Harry Potter all over again. He knows his potential and that makes him embarassed-because even he knows that the finished product sucks ass, but hes doing it to get to It-Boy status-which he has.

Meanwhile....

K Stewart has her head so far up her own ass, and thinks she's the greatest young actress ever, when really she was the second worst thing after the direction.

Sorry for the rant-like I said. HUGELY dissapointed fan

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard through the grapevine that they were gonna replace the guy who plays Jacob, but I didnt know it was fact.
Im psyched. It seems the second film is shaping up to be actually watchable. I guess they cant fire Bella.

The school was also soooooooooooooooooooo WRONG to me. It was nothing like what I pictured it in the book. Neither was Bella's home.

***THINGS THEY SHOULD KEEP***

The cinematography was breathtaking-It was obvious who they were paying the most money to. The person behind that kicked some serious ass. When Edwar ran with her, and when he climed the trees with her, the view ect.

That's the only positive I can think of.

sputnik · December 25th, 2008, 12:36 PM

Quote:

This seriously cracked me up (spoilers ahead, for anyone who cares

Quote:

If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest

By Rod Hilton

On Saturdays, we ask some of our favorite sites on the web to fill in for us. You get to learn about an awesome site you may not have heard of, and we get to watch cartoons in our boxers. Today Rod Hilton, creator of The-Editing-Room.com brings you an abridged version of the screenplay for Twilight, the movie based on Stephanie Meyer's novel.

// FADE IN:
EXT. WASHINGTON
KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.
KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)
Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.
BILLY BURKE
Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.
KRISTEN STEWART
Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.
KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?
GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?
MICHAEL WELCH
No way you asshole, I saw her first!
KRISTEN STEWART
I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?
ANNA KENDRICK
Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!
KRISTEN STEWART
Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?

ANNA KENDRICK
Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you're a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don't think so. Let's make out.
Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.
KRISTEN STEWART
Who's the albino Wolverine?
ANNA KENDRICK
Oh, him? That's Robert. He's universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn't date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.
KRISTEN STEWART
No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days...
KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.
KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.
KRISTEN STEWART
(swoon)
ROBERT PATTINSON
You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.

ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry what-so-ever.
KRISTEN STEWART
Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What's going on?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.
KRISTEN STEWART
Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephanie Meyer!
ROBERT PATTINSON
There's more. I want to eat you.
KRISTEN STEWART
Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but...
ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I mean literally eat you. I'm a vampire.
KRISTEN STEWART
Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70s.

He DOES.
KRISTEN STEWART
You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spider-Man, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
KRISTEN STEWART
So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!
ROBERT PATTINSON
That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.
KRISTEN STEWART
So if you're immortal, how old are you anyway?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Over a hundred, but to be fair I've spent most of that time working on my hair.
The two of them GAZE into each other's eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.

INT. KRISTEN'S BEDROOM
KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.
KRISTEN STEWART
Holy fucking shit! If you weren't so hot I'd have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?
ROBERT PATTINSON
2 months.
KRISTEN STEWART
But I've only lived here one month according to the script.
ROBERT PATTINSN
Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don't get hung up on shit like that.
KRISTEN STEWART
Oh. Well, as long as you're here I guess we could have sex.
ROBERT PATTINSON
No, I can't have sex with you! I'd be unable to control myself! I'd bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I'd need to wear like fifty condoms.
KRISTEN STEWART
Wait, we can't have sex at all, and you can't suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?
ROBERT PATTINSON
It's alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.
INT. BILLY BURKE'S HOUSE
BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.
KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.
BILLY BURKE
Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry's ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.

KRISTEN STEWART
Alright. Oh, and also: He's a 100-year-old vampire, don't say anything racist about vampires, okay?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you're so lame.
BILLY BURKE
So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Ummmmmmmm...
BILLY BURKE
Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.
KRISTEN STEWART
Dad, you're embarrassing me almost as much as my acting! I'm just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I'll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.
BILLY BURKE
Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It's literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.
KRISTEN STEWART
Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don't need this!
BILLY BURKE
Really? Weren't you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?
KRISTEN STEWART
Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent or physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!
ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT'S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.
INT. GLASS MANSION
KRISTEN meets ROBERT'S VAMPIRE FAMILY.
KRISTEN STEWART
Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn't smell as bad.
PETER FACINELLI
Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I'm the father figure of this family because I'm the one who turned them all into vampires. There's something disturbing about the idea that I've only turned teenagers into vampires, but let's ignore that.
KRISTEN STEWART
Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?
PETER FACINELLI
Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin...
NIKKI REED
Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.
KRISTEN STEWART
Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.
NIKKI REED
Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?
KRISTEN STEWART
Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?
PETER FACINELLI
Vampire baseball.
KRISTEN STEWART
Ha ha, no seriously.
PETER FACINELLI
Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?
KRISTEN STEWART
Actually, as it happens, the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.

They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTEN.
CAM GIGANDET
Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?
ROBERT PATTINSON
Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we'll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.
CAM GIGANDET
Murder, eh? That's one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays Scrabble.
PETER FACINELLI
The family that slays together, stays together.
CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.
PETER FACINELLI
Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?
PETER FACINELLI
Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.
He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.
INT. HOSPITAL
KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.
KRISTEN STEWART
I thought vampires never slept.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Script. Six weeks. Remember?
KRISTEN STEWART
Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let's go to the prom together.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.
KRISTEN STEWART
From vampires?
ROBERT PATTINSON
No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I'm screwed, but it's not too late for you.
KRISTEN STEWART
No. No, you can't ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.
ROBERT PATTINSON
Holy shit, you're a clingy psychotic bitch. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.
They stay together and go to the PROM.
KRISTEN STEWART
I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.

ROBERT PATTINSON
So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.
KRISTEN STEWART
I love you. Put a baby in me.
ROBERT PATTINSON
At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.
They ARE.
END

If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest | Cracked.com

hahahaha brilliant!! now i don't have to bother watching this shite movie.
i read 9 pages of the book at an airport bookstore last october, and it was 9 pages too many. what a crappy writer.

Karistiona · December 26th, 2008, 03:18 PM

Ack stuff like this pisses me off, I disagree that the books are misogynistic just because Bella falls in love and follows her heart rather than deciding to give him up and go and have a fancy career in a big city and wear pointy shoes

.

mrs.v · December 28th, 2008, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeChayz

I think Brando means the "someone farted" reaction he gave. My sister and I busted out laughing when he did that, though he was quite good in the rest of the film.
I was so disappointed with the movie, it felt like they rushed it too much trying to get every plot point in, and so Bella & Edward's relationship just seemed awkward since it wasn't really given time to "develop", I guess. Plus Kristen Stewart's acting is horrible; she has 2 expressions: blank and confused.
Jasper was unintentionally funny - he reminded me of that sinister hamster gif, or one of those old time villains with the "evil eye" look

Five!" class="inlineimg" />

I laughed through most of it,and it wasn't meant to be a comedy methinks..

Karistiona · December 30th, 2008, 02:00 PM

Oh God Mrs V we were the same, Edward's who farted face just cracked my friends and I up, and we were pretty buggered from then on in. Carlisle's sepia-toned flashbacks were absolutely cringe-worthy. There was so much to hate about this movie, and I LIKE bad movies! Keeping my fingers crossed that New Moon will be much better.

mrs.v · December 30th, 2008, 05:44 PM

^It probably will,with the new director.

IceQueen · January 2nd, 2009, 03:15 PM

The short version of the movie is hilarious - I especially love these two parts:
"KRISTEN STEWART
So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!
ROBERT PATTINSON
That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest."

and

"ROBERT PATTINSON
Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?"

I live in Oregon and very close to where they filmed part of the movie, yes it's beautiful, but geez, stop with the weather comments already! It's not Arizona, it's cold, rainy, overcast for almost 3/4 of the year! And while reading the book, I got this huge 'Mormon' vibe from it (no sex before marriage, girl pines after boy who leaves and has no other dreams other than to be a wife/mother) so that when I researched the author, I could easily see replacing the 'Bella' character with Stephenie.

Nadiyka · January 3rd, 2009, 09:52 PM

Good movie..nice romantic story...
and of course great Robert Pattison!!!