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  1. #46
    Silver Member Ahti's Avatar
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    I tried watching this, but honestly, it was so bad that I just couldn't watch all of it.

    One of the worst movies I've tried to watch, everything was horrible, the acting, the casting, the directing, everything!

    That pattinson person is so not hot, he could never be edward, and why did he have that I smell shit look on his face all the time.

    So many questions, such a bad movie.

  2. #47
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    That piece of crap is up to 184 mil world wide, the teenie girls are loving it.

    It was a first time studio with no money so they got a bit player from Harry Potter to play Edward, a pot head to play Bella and Jacob looks like a tot.

    I don't see how a new director is going to save the next flick without getting a new cast.

  3. #48
    Elite Member Grimmlok's Avatar
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    You'd be surprised how a different director can drag an incredible performance out of a mediocre actor.

    Still, it's funny to watch the main male lead do itnerviews or commercial spots.. he looks like he HATES being there, and that the entire thing is an embarrassment
    I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.

  4. #49
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    This seriously cracked me up (spoilers ahead, for anyone who cares

    If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest


    By Rod Hilton

    On Saturdays, we ask some of our favorite sites on the web to fill in for us. You get to learn about an awesome site you may not have heard of, and we get to watch cartoons in our boxers. Today Rod Hilton, creator of The-Editing-Room.com brings you an abridged version of the screenplay for Twilight, the movie based on Stephanie Meyer's novel.


    // FADE IN:
    EXT. WASHINGTON
    KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.
    KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)
    Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.
    BILLY BURKE
    Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.
    KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.
    ANNA KENDRICK
    Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?
    GREGORY TYREE BOYCE
    Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?
    MICHAEL WELCH
    No way you asshole, I saw her first!
    KRISTEN STEWART
    I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?
    ANNA KENDRICK
    Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book. Aren't well-written characters supposed to have flaws?


    ANNA KENDRICK
    Flaws? Oh, well, um, I suppose you could argue that you're a little TOO perfect and amazing. But I don't think so. Let's make out.
    Suddenly, ROBERT PATTINSON enters. The paleness of him and his family members reach blinding levels while the squeals in the movie theater reach deafening levels.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Who's the albino Wolverine?
    ANNA KENDRICK
    Oh, him? That's Robert. He's universally acknowledged as the hottest boy in school but he doesn't date anyone because no girl is good enough for him.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    No girl is good enough for him? Man, the excuses closested homosexuals come up with these days...
    KRISTEN sits next to ROBERT, who nearly vomits in his mouth and leaves school for a week. Eventually, he returns.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Hey, where did you go? Because you are exceedingly mean to me, I find myself attracted to you.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Sounds like textbook daddy issues, you fat cow.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    (swoon)
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    You have a bright career as a stripper ahead of you.


    ROBERT and KRISTEN continue not quite interacting with each other and having no chemistry what-so-ever.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Hey, your eyes are changing color from gorgeous to ultragorgeous. What's going on?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Alright, you got me. I was acting like a jerk because I secretly totally love you.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Of course! This also explains why the captain of the football team always acted like he hated Stephanie Meyer!
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    There's more. I want to eat you.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but...
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    No, I mean literally eat you. I'm a vampire.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Hmm. The only way I will believe you is if you carry me up a mountain using special effects from the 70s.


    He DOES.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    You really are a vampire! Does that mean that garlic, stakes, and sunlight kill you?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Don't be stupid. All of that lore is far too interesting for this movie. Being a vampire just means I get superpowers. It's like being Spider-Man, but sexier. Also, I sparkle in the sunlight.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    So that's why why your family moved here, because it's always overcast!
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    That's right everyone, this whole movie is a two-hour-long setup for a joke about the Pacific Northwest.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    So if you're immortal, how old are you anyway?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Over a hundred, but to be fair I've spent most of that time working on my hair.
    The two of them GAZE into each other's eyes with UNCOMFORTABLY HUGE CLOSEUPS for 80% of the rest of the movie.


    INT. KRISTEN'S BEDROOM
    KRISTEN wakes up to find ROBERT watching her sleep.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Holy fucking shit! If you weren't so hot I'd have you arrested! How long have you been doing this?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    2 months.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    But I've only lived here one month according to the script.
    ROBERT PATTINSN
    Yeah, the script was written in six weeks. Don't get hung up on shit like that.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Oh. Well, as long as you're here I guess we could have sex.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    No, I can't have sex with you! I'd be unable to control myself! I'd bite you and turn you into a vampire! Also I ejaculate boiling venom, so I'd need to wear like fifty condoms.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Wait, we can't have sex at all, and you can't suck my blood? How can you make a vampire movie without anyone sucking blood?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    It's alright, I think this movie already has more than enough sucking.
    INT. BILLY BURKE'S HOUSE
    BILLY BURKE is cleaning his gun and drinking a beer while listening to country music.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Dad, my boyfriend is coming over to pick me up. Try not to get dork all over him.
    BILLY BURKE
    Okay, let me meet him after the movie makes the film industry's ten billionth joke about protective fathers disliking boyfriends.


    KRISTEN STEWART
    Alright. Oh, and also: He's a 100-year-old vampire, don't say anything racist about vampires, okay?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Hello, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kristen has said absolutely nothing about you because you're so lame.
    BILLY BURKE
    So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Ummmmmmmm...
    BILLY BURKE
    Yeah, so my friend Chris Hansen would like you to have a seat right over here.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Dad, you're embarrassing me almost as much as my acting! I'm just going over to his house to have dinner with his family, I'll be back before 11. Unless the ravenous vampires murder me, of course.
    BILLY BURKE
    Alright, just bring this pepper spray with you. It's literally the very least I can do to offer it to my teenage daughter.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Daaaaad! Stop being such a loser, I don't need this!
    BILLY BURKE
    Really? Weren't you almost raped by four guys earlier in the movie?
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Yeah but I have a BOYFRIEND now, which means I no longer have to be independent or physically capable of doing anything on my own. GOD!
    ROBERT and KRISTEN go to visit ROBERT'S FAMILY MANSION in the middle of the woods, because of course the FANTASY MALE should be rich, too.
    INT. GLASS MANSION
    KRISTEN meets ROBERT'S VAMPIRE FAMILY.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Jesus, this place is paler than an Anne Rice book signing event. At least it doesn't smell as bad.
    PETER FACINELLI
    Welcome to our ridiculously expensive home. I'm the father figure of this family because I'm the one who turned them all into vampires. There's something disturbing about the idea that I've only turned teenagers into vampires, but let's ignore that.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Wow, you guys are so close. What keeps this family together so well?
    PETER FACINELLI
    Funny you should ask. Let me tell you about Count Joseph Von Smith. One day a vampire named Moronula appeared to him and told him to find these golden stakes buried in a coffin...
    NIKKI REED
    Knock it off, dad. So, Kristen, there must be something really special about you for Robert to take such a liking to you and risk the lives of his entire family. Tell us about yourself.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever.
    NIKKI REED
    Oh. Well what do you like to do for fun?
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Mostly smoke pot on my porch in front of the paparazzi. What about you guys?
    PETER FACINELLI
    Vampire baseball.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Ha ha, no seriously.
    PETER FACINELLI
    Really. Vampire baseball. We even have uniforms. Want to come watch us play?
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Actually, as it happens, the very last thing on Earth I or any other sane person would want to watch is vampire baseball, but go ahead.


    They play vampire baseball, which looks exactly as stupid as it sounds to all of the males in the audience. The game attracts the attention of some EVIL VAMPIRES, who actually do the type of shit vampires are supposed to, like fucking kill boring humans. One of them, CAM GIGANDET, notices KRISTEN.
    CAM GIGANDET
    Oh man, that looks great, are you gonna finish that?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Stay away from her or my family will have to kill you. Specifically, we'll have to hiss at you like fifth graders pretending to be Dracula, and then kill you.
    CAM GIGANDET
    Murder, eh? That's one hell of a family activity. My family usually just plays Scrabble.
    PETER FACINELLI
    The family that slays together, stays together.
    CAM tries to eat KRISTEN, a poorly directed action sequence ensues, and eventually he is defeated.
    PETER FACINELLI
    Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?
    PETER FACINELLI
    Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.
    He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.
    INT. HOSPITAL
    KRISTEN wakes up in the hospital, and ROBERT wakes up after her.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    I thought vampires never slept.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Script. Six weeks. Remember?
    KRISTEN STEWART
    Right. Well, thanks for saving my life after endangering it by inviting me into your dangerous world. Let's go to the prom together.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Actually, I think it would be better if we broke up. To keep you safe.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    From vampires?
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    No, from being typecast forever after this series is done. I'm screwed, but it's not too late for you.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    No. No, you can't ever leave me. Never. No matter what. We must be together forever and ever and ever.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    Holy shit, you're a clingy psychotic bitch. Maybe we have a realistic high school relationship after all.
    They stay together and go to the PROM.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    I want you to make me a vampire so that I can be with you, even if it means sacrificing my own life as a mortal.


    ROBERT PATTINSON
    So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male.
    KRISTEN STEWART
    I love you. Put a baby in me.
    ROBERT PATTINSON
    At least the other three books can't possibly be more misogynistic and depressing.
    They ARE.
    END



    If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest | Cracked.com
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  5. #50
    Silver Member Ahti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aella View Post
    This seriously cracked me up (spoilers ahead, for anyone who cares
    Thanks for posting this, it was really great

  6. #51
    Elite Member TonjaLasagna's Avatar
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    Billy Burke was hilarious and as long as Summit keeps the following cast: Kristen Stewart, Rob Pattinson, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, Peter Facinelli, Anna Kendrick, Elizabeth Reaser, Solomon Trimble and Gil Birmingham, the next two films should be ok.
    "the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone"

  7. #52
    Silver Member Ahti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TonjaLasagna View Post
    the next two films should be ok.
    That would be a miracle, but you never know.

  8. #53
    Super Moderator NoDayButToday's Avatar
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    They need to replace both Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart too. Neither can act very well and Robert Pattinson isn't nearly the god-like beauty they keep trying to tell us he is. Far from it. The rest of the vampire clan were pretty decent-I like both Peter Facinelli and Elizabeth Reaser.

    The only person I've heard they actively want to replace is the kid who played Jacob b/c they think he can't act. I don't think he had very much to do in this movie, so I can't totally tell if he'd be good enough to be more of a lead in the next one.

  9. #54
    Silver Member Ahti's Avatar
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    I was so surprised about Kristens bad acting since she made a great impression in into the wild, but then again she didn't have much to work with since bella is such an empty character.

    Rob sucks with acting and he really isn't gorgeous enough to be edward.

  10. #55
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aella View Post
    This seriously cracked me up (spoilers ahead, for anyone who cares

    Ah ha ha ha ha. That is exactly the movie - except for inserting the really really really bad soundtrack to try and make a dramatic scene out of what amounted to a 2 hour staring contest.

  11. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahti View Post
    I was so surprised about Kristens bad acting since she made a great impression in into the wild, but then again she didn't have much to work with since bella is such an empty character.

    Rob sucks with acting and he really isn't gorgeous enough to be edward.
    agreed - he is no marble God and Kristen is paler than he is.

    Funny how Stephanie was in the first movie - she should have held out and went to WB to make her book into a movie.

  12. #57
    Elite Member Brando's Avatar
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    The directing and acting were bad however it's the screenplay that needs the most work. They need to completely revamp the Twilight story. It will probably piss off the fanbase but it needs to be done to improve the movie.

    The Twilights books should have been made into a tv series, similar to Roswell, instead of a movie.
    When you came in the air went out. And every shadow filled up with doubt. I don't know who you think you are, But before the night is through,I wanna do bad things with you.

  13. #58
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    Twilight author Stephenie Meyer tells fans that "torches and pitchforks" won't be necessary in dealing with Chris Weitz, the new director who will helm the sequel to the wildly popular vampire franchise.

    "I'm excited to work with Chris and I think he brings a lot to the table," Meyer writes in a post on her Web site aimed at calming the fears of fans upset that Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke won't be back for the next movie.

    Weitz, who has directed About a Boy and The Golden Compass, was tapped last week to replace Hardwicke in directing the sequel, New Moon.

    "I've had the chance to talk to Chris, and I can tell you that he is excited by the story and eager to keep the movie as close to the book as possible," says Meyer, who is responding to the "worry and speculation" she's read on fan message boards.

    "He is also very aware of you, the fans, and wants to keep you all extremely happy," she assures Twilighters.

    Weitz himself says in a letter posted on the Web site that he plans to live up to the expectations devoted fans have for the next movie, which will star all the same actors in the primary roles, including Robert Pattinson as Edward, Kristen Stewart as Bella and Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black.

    ------

    now the money is in they got a real director to bad they can't go back and get some real actors and reshoot Twilight

  14. #59
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    OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! I think they heard me!!

    They are replacing the tot that plays Jacob in Twilight!!!!

    Twilight' Sequel Finds New Leading Man?
    'Scorpion King 2' star Michael Copon (left) is one of the frontrunners to replace Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black in the 'Twilight' sequel 'New Moon,' MTV.com confirms. Summit claims that "the casting decision in regards to the character Jacob Black has yet to be made," but sources close to production say that because of Jacob's increased prominence in the sequel (he becomes Bella Swan's love interest when Edward goes MIA), the studio wants someone older (and bigger) for the role. (Dec. 16)

  15. #60
    Silver Member Ahti's Avatar
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    I neve thought that jacob was a "pretty boy", but the studios sure seem think that.
    That new jacob has that pretty look to him also.

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