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Thread: Favorite Movie Lines or Dialog?

  1. #31
    Elite Member HWBL's Avatar
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    Oct 2005


    Quote Originally Posted by HWBL View Post
    Chuck Clarke: You mean you bought a camel?
    Lyle Rogers: No, I didn't really buy it. They SOLD it to me!
    Oh no. I think that something went wrong and now I own a blind camel.
    A blind camel!

    Lyle Rogers: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you.
    Chuck Clarke: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife.
    Lyle Rogers: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you...
    Chuck Clarke: Oh, you so idealize me!

    Lyle Rogers: [to Chuck] It takes a lot of nerve to have nothing at your age, don't you understand that? Most guys'd be ashamed, but you've got the guts to just say 'to hell with it'. You say that you'd rather have nothing than settle for less, understand?

    Chuck Clarke: Is this the oasis?
    Lyle Rogers: Does this look like an oasis to you?
    Chuck Clarke: Yeah, look at the birds. Are those vultures?
    Lyle Rogers: Yeah.
    Chuck Clarke: You mean they're here on spec?


    Lyle Rogers: What a smuck I was...
    Chuck Clarke: Schmuck! It's not smuck. Schmuck!
    Lyle Rogers: Smuck!
    Chuck Clarke: [loud] Schmuck!
    Lyle Rogers: Sssssssssmuck!
    Chuck Clarke: Say "ssshhhh"
    Lyle Rogers: Ssshhhhhh.
    Chuck Clarke: Now say "muck".
    Lyle Rogers: [soft] Muck.
    Chuck Clarke: Now say "ssshhh" and "muck" together real fast.
    Lyle Rogers: Smuck!
    Chuck Clarke: ...Closer.
    Lyle Rogers: You really know the lingo.

    Lyle Rogers: [singing/composing new song] She said come look there's a... she said come look there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes...
    Take your time, look around and see if there's something your size...

    Lyle Rogers: Are these breasts?
    [thinking he's dealing with a male robber in his hotel room]

    Camel Seller's Translator: He says he will sell you a blind camel. He says he also knows of a camel with a crippled leg and no teeth. Would you like a dead camel?

    All from the hilariously funny and much misjudged Ishtar.

    Quote Originally Posted by HWBL View Post
    Leslie Nielsen is the king of delivering crazy dialogue/monologue deadpan.

    From The Naked Gun movies:

    Frank Drebin: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.

    Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
    Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them.

    Frank: I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.

    Frank: A good cop - needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums.
    Ed: No way for a man to die.
    Frank: No... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.

    Det. Nordberg: Drugs... drugs...
    Frank: Nurse! get this man some drugs!
    [nurse administers drugs]
    Det. Nordberg: No... no...
    [pulls Frank towards him]
    Det. Nordberg: Heroin. Heroin, Frank.
    Frank: Uh... that's a pretty tall order, it'll take a couple of days for that one.

    Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
    Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
    Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
    Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
    Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache.

    Lt. Frank Drebin: Real nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face-lifts.

    Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!

    Frank Drebin: Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

    Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, just a second, I just had a thought. This show is being seen all over the world. I was thinking, if we could all just send good thoughts, transmit them through these cameras here, to the elected leader of China, Wing wa woo tong, so that they might finally be nice. Thank you.
    Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
    Frank Drebin: Uh Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna! I cant help but think each time I go to the zoo and see those porpises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste that is. Butcher half of them now! That's hundreds of pounds of Dolphin meat that can be fed to our cats, freeing up that tuna for our nations hungry.
    [one person claps here]
    Raquel Welch: And the winner is...
    Frank Drebin: Uh so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, butcher those cats, skin them! Use their fur to keep hundreds warm!
    Raquel Welch: [shocked] Jesus, Phil!

    Brody: You're gonna need a bigger boat.

    McCabe & Mrs. Miller:
    John McCabe: Well, you'll have to forgive me, my kitchen ain't in operation yet, but I could take you up to the restaurant up there if you're hungry enough.
    Constance Miller: I'm hungry enough I could eat a bloody horse.
    John McCabe: Well, at Sheehan's place you probably will.
    Constance Miller: Ah, the frontier wit, I see.

    John McCabe: All you've cost me so far is money and pain...Pain, pain, pain...

    John McCabe: I got poetry in me!

    The Sting:
    Henry Gondorff: Sorry I'm late. I was taking a crap.

    Doyle Lonnegan: Mr. Shaw, we usually require a tie at this table... if you don't have one we can get you one.
    Henry Gondorff: That'd be real nice of you, Mr. Lonniman!
    Doyle Lonnegan: Lonnegan.

    Thunderbolt & Lightfoot:
    Red Leary: Go... fuck... a duck.

    Slap Shot:
    Reggie Dunlop: In-fucking-credible!

    Some like it hot:
    Jerry: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
    Osgood: Why not?
    Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
    Osgood: Doesn't matter.
    Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
    Osgood: I don't care.
    Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
    Osgood: I forgive you.
    Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
    Osgood: We can adopt some.
    Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood! Ohh...
    [Jerry finally gives up and pulls off his wig]
    Jerry: [normal voice] I'm a man!
    Osgood: [shrugs] Well, nobody's perfect!

    Pillow Talk:
    Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.
    Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.
    Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.

    Brad Allen: Why don't you take her over for the rest of the evening?
    Jonathan Forbes: Me?
    Brad Allen: Yeah! Take her dancing maybe. She's dying to learn how to dance.
    Jonathan Forbes: Wait wait. She doesn't know how to dance?
    Brad Allen: Well naturally, she doesn't get out of the house very often.
    Jonathan Forbes: What do you mean, "naturally"?
    Brad Allen: Jonathan, believe me, you and Moose - I mean Miss Taggett will get along...
    Jonathan Forbes: "Moose"?
    Brad Allen: So what the girl picks up a nickname? You know, how cruel kids can be. Especially, when some is a little different.
    Jonathan Forbes: Different? How Different?
    Brad Allen: Well... You know, just different.
    Jonathan Forbes: [Pointing to a fat lady sitting at a table] That couldn't be her, could it?
    Brad Allen: How can you tell?
    [waves at the lady, who waves back]
    Brad Allen: See, she's so friendly. C'mon.
    Jonathan Forbes: Oh no! Its your muse. Happy Hunting!
    Brad Allen: Yes, indeed.

    Mountain Man: I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!
    Bobby: Weee!
    Mountain Man: Weeeeeeee!
    Bobby: Weee!

    Jackie Shawn: You must be a very important executive.
    Sid Roth: Well, whatever I am, I could get you whatever you want.
    Jackie Shawn: Hm?
    [points to George]
    Jackie Shawn: Well, what I really want is to suck his cock.
    Warren Beatty: actor, director, writer, producer.

    ***** celeb

  2. #32
    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Middle America


    I just made my kids watch one of the Naked Gun movies. They laughed their asses off.
    RELIGION: Treat it like it's your genitalia. Don't show it off in public, and don't shove it down your children's throats.

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