March 8th, 2008, 09:53 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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10 worst celebrity career moves
10. Tom Selleck turning down the part of Indiana Jones. Some say that the "Magnum, P.I." producers wouldn't release him from his contract to do the flick; others say that Selleck found Lassiter and High Road to China more to his liking. Either way, the lesson is clear: No matter how wondrous and munificent it may be, never, ever take career advice from your mustache. (This should be #1. I bet Selleck cringes every time an Indy movie comes out... and one is coming out in two months.)
9. Brian Dunkleman leaving American Idol after season one. He reportedly found the show to be increasingly cruel, which means he agreed with our bleeding ears. His departure led to a string of unforeseen events, most notably Ryan Seacrest becoming the next Dick Clark. Dunkleman out, indeed. (Who?)
8. Chevy Chase bailing on Saturday Night Live after a season and a half. Sure, he had a pretty good run immediately thereafter: Foul Play, Fletch, Caddyshack. But after falling out with his former SNL cronies, there was little chance he'd be considered for flicks like Ghostbusters. Additionally, while Chase might not have aged well, his poor decision-making sure ha: he reportedly turned down the role of Lester Burnham in American Beauty, which won Kevin Spacey an Oscar. (Chevy would not have won an Oscar.)
7. Vince Vaughn playing Norman Bates in the remake of Psycho. So you explode out of nowhere in Swingers, flashing more first-flick comedic chops than any funnyman not named Eddie Murphy. Your next move has to be something similarly giggle-worthy, right? Nope. You go the I'm-so-very-versatile route by smarming it up in a shot-for-shot remake of Psycho, with one of the few additions being a scene in which you work yourself into a masturbatory frenzy. (One of the most pointless movies ever made, but Vince's career survived.)
6. Alec Baldwin's career-long self-sabotage. Where to begin? He ditches one of those rare gigs that keep on giving — as Jack Ryan in the Tom Clancy flicks — to star with future wife Kim Basinger in The Marrying Man (huh?) and then again after they were married in The Getaway (huh, who, wha, huh?). He evolves into a skilled, reliable character actor (The Cooler, The Aviator), then starts popping off against the vice president ("a lying, thieving oil whore and a murderer of the U.S. Constitution"). He reinvents himself as one of the most agile TV wits around, then leaves a voice mail in which he calls his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig." Is Baldwin trying to torpedo his career, or does it just come naturally to him? (I don't like him, but Alec is doing fine. And he was right about Cheney.)
5. George Lucas and the Wachowski Brothers contracting a lethal case of sequelitis. After the cinematic barbarism that was Star Wars: Episode 1—The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clone-Eating Superbots, and Revenge of the Sith Sense and the disorienting double shot of The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, savvy viewers discovered that the first three Star Wars flicks contain about 3.5 hours of watchable action (all of The Empire Strikes Back, the second half of Star Wars, a few bits of Return of the Jedi) and that the entire premise of The Matrix makes less sense than a Rosie O'Donnell blog post. (I feel obligated to point out that there are six Rocky movies.)
4. Michael Jordan ditching the Bulls to play minor league baseball. Irrefutable proof that dumb jocks can be just as dumb as dumb actors and dumb singers and dumb dummies. As a hitter, Jordan was a terrific jump shooter. Urban legend has it that he wasn't even the best athlete on the Birmingham Barons, the minor league club for which he toiled for two spectacularly middling seasons. Ray Durham, then a freakishly fit prospect, was said to have outjumped MJ during a conditioning drill. (Yes, this was a career killer for MJ. Now he's only worth 100 kabillion instead of 120 kabillion, the poor bastard.)
3. Ben Affleck not staging his own death after Good Will Hunting. Think about it. Had Affleck disappeared under mysterious circumstances after Good Will Hunting charmed everyone and their mother, he'd be remembered as a promising screenwriter and quirky character actor. By living to make the likes of Daredevil and Jersey Girl, he reduced himself in our eyes to a bloated stooge prone to merging his on-screen and offscreen lives. It's tragic, really. (I honestly think people are too hard on poor Ben -- there are many more detestable actors out there -- but still, it's hard to work up much pity for anyone who's boffing Jen Garner.)
2. David Caruso bailing on NYPD Blue after its first season. Brooding one-note loners with phosphorescent orange hair shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. It's true, ask anyone. It's in the Bible somewhere. (Dave is doing fine as that guy who whips off his shades every week on one of those CSI shows.)
1. Shelley Long leaving "Cheers". We know, we know—how could she possibly have turned down the ferociously droll Troop Beverly Hills, in which her not-at-all-like-Diane-Chambers character leads a bunch of spoiled twerps into the sticks? Sometimes a script shall not be denied, we suppose. (Meh, she sucks and never would have amounted to much, regardless.)
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List Of The Day: 10 Worst Celebrity Career Moves
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March 8th, 2008, 10:19 PM
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#2 (permalink)
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I loved Shelley Long in Troop Beverly Hills!
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March 8th, 2008, 10:41 PM
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#3 (permalink)
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i was hoping david caruso would be on that list
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March 8th, 2008, 11:20 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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This is a first for me, but I actually disagree with some of the choices on that list. Shelley Long, for one. I loved Troop Beverly Hills, and she was in several movies during that time period.
Surprisingly, I never saw the remake of Psycho, but every single person I know who has seen it said he added an element to the movie that was raw and talented. Of course, I don't necessarily agree with remaking anything of Hitchcock's, but at least Vaughn was brave and took a chance.
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March 9th, 2008, 08:39 AM
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#5 (permalink)
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I'm glad Tom Sellek turned down Indiana Jones, because I love Harrison Ford in the role.
Revenge of the Sith is good, but they are right about the other sequels.
Totally forgot about Michael Jordan quitting basketball to play minor-league baseball
I don't think Shelley Long left Cheers because she thought it was a good career move. I thought she wanted to spend more time with her family?
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March 10th, 2008, 06:23 AM
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#6 (permalink)
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I thought Jordon quit and played baseball for awhile in order to avoid a betting scandal. I hate all Star Wars from beginning to end so I'd say they were all a mistake. And Chevy Chase...well, they forgot to mention that horrendously painful chat show he did, which actually made me cringe and curl up into a ball. But I still love the first two Vacation films.
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March 10th, 2008, 01:58 PM
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#7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raspberry gashes
I loved Shelley Long in Troop Beverly Hills!
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Me too! Let's all sing Kumbaya!
Oh and Chevy Chase as Lester Burnham? WTF
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March 10th, 2008, 02:05 PM
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#8 (permalink)
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I think Brian Dunkleman should be #1.
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March 13th, 2008, 06:03 AM
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#9 (permalink)
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micha barton leaving the OC was pretty dumb.
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March 16th, 2008, 06:13 AM
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#10 (permalink)
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^It was funny. She thought a big movie career was waiting for her.
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March 16th, 2008, 12:31 PM
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#11 (permalink)
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Shelly Long was good in that movie with Ryan O'Neal..."Irreconcilable Differences" (I think it was?)...the one where a couple becomes famous screenwriters and get divorced. And Drew Barrymore (when she was a little kid) played their daughter.
I remember basically the kid (Drew) in the movie went to court cause she wanted to "divorce" her parents and live permanently with the maid who'd pretty much looked after her most of the time after her parents because famous.
Interesting that Drew went on to have herelf legally emancipated from her own mom after getting out of rehab as a teen.
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