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Thread: "Machete" Posters and Trailer

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    Gold Member mb86's Avatar
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    Default "Machete" Posters and Trailer


    Rough Cut Reviews - News - Loads more 'Machete' goodies!

    Posters for Robert Rodriguez's MACHETE, the movie based on the faux trailer from GRINDHOUSE.

    The feature version of the trailer finds Machete (SPY KIDS' Danny Trejo) a renegade former Mexican Federale, roaming the streets of Texas after a shakedown from drug lord Torrez (UNDER SIEGE's Steven Seagal). Reluctantly, Machete takes an offer from spin doctor Benz (Lost's Jeff Fahey) to assassinate McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) a corrupt Senator.

    Double crossed and on the run Machete braves the odds with the help of Luz (FAST & FURIOUS' Michelle Rodriguez), a saucy taco slinger, Padre (FROM DUST TIL DAWN's Cheech Marin) his "holy" brother, and April (Lindsay "Fire Crotch" Lohan) a socialite with a penchant for guns. All while being tracked by Sartana (Sin City's Jessica Alba), a sexy ICE agent with a special interest in the blade slinger."

    MACHETE will hit theaters in the US on 3rd September 2010.






    Official Trailer:

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9B_qTbMyDA[/youtube]


    Last edited by mb86; July 19th, 2010 at 02:29 PM.

  2. #2
    Elite Member blissfullyunaware's Avatar
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    Well I'm going to see it. It looks so cheezy but I liked the fake trailer so hopefully it's entertaining! And I like the cast that they have,my eyes totally bugged out when I saw Steven Seagal.
    My goal is to be happy with my life.

  3. #3
    Syd
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    It looks positively shitteous. Can't wait to see it. Hoping for unintentional hilarity.

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    Silver Member Yvelinna's Avatar
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    I'm seeing this for Bobby DeNiro who is my utmost favourite actor for all time.

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    Elite Member gas_chick's Avatar
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    Can't wait. Love Rodriguez!
    I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gas_chick View Post
    Can't wait. Love Rodriguez!
    In my case, I'm waiting for Michelle Rodriguez. She looks AMAZING in these clips. One of the hottest functioning alcoholics in show business.

    And Jeff Fahey is the MAN. Not only was this guy a Joffrey Ballet dancer for three years, he runs an orphanage in Afghanistan. That f*cker can do anything.

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    Elite Member gas_chick's Avatar
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    That is one reason why I love Tarrantino and Robert Rodriguez. They pull actors who maybe haven't worked in years but are complete gold in everything they do.
    I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

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    Elite Member yoyoma's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gas_chick View Post
    That is one reason why I love Tarrantino and Robert Rodriguez. They pull actors who maybe haven't worked in years but are complete gold in everything they do.
    I totally agree with you....

    I went to see Predator and the trailer came on the
    screen...isn't Lindsay Lohan in this too? There was
    no mention of her whatsoever...

  9. #9
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    ^^


    The feature version of the trailer finds Machete (SPY KIDS' Danny Trejo) a renegade former Mexican Federale, roaming the streets of Texas after a shakedown from drug lord Torrez (UNDER SIEGE's Steven Seagal). Reluctantly, Machete takes an offer from spin doctor Benz (Lost's Jeff Fahey) to assassinate McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) a corrupt Senator.



    Double crossed and on the run Machete braves the odds with the help of Luz (FAST & FURIOUS' Michelle Rodriguez), a saucy taco slinger, Padre (FROM DUST TIL DAWN's Cheech Marin) his "holy" brother, and April (Lindsay "Fire Crotch" Lohan) a socialite with a penchant for guns. All while being tracked by Sartana (Sin City's Jessica Alba), a sexy ICE agent with a special interest in the blade slinger."

  10. #10
    Gold Member mb86's Avatar
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    Default Machete interviews

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR9X_tKHCzY[/youtube]

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLYkndxxK0I[/youtube]
    Last edited by mb86; August 21st, 2010 at 08:35 AM.

  11. #11
    Gold Member mb86's Avatar
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    Default Machete TV Spots

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i638zX1v3ko[/youtube]
    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBoFqjCVX6M[/youtube]
    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcKUm2v8meE[/youtube]

  12. #12
    Bronze Member Charmander's Avatar
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    michelle looks hot

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    Elite Member NVash's Avatar
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    Jessica needs to eat something. She looks like a bobble head.

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    Gold Member Little Goon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    In my case, I'm waiting for Michelle Rodriguez. She looks AMAZING in these clips. One of the hottest functioning alcoholics in show business.
    What a great compliment
    I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George W. Bush

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Christian movie reviews provide hours of entertainment.

    MACHETE

    Don’t Sit in the Seat of Mockers


    Content
    -4

    Quality
    MACHETE Summary:

    MACHETE is an ultra violent, extremely lewd and bloody exploitation movie about a Mexican immigrant who, working with left-wing revolutionaries, violently stops a conspiracy involving a corrupt white businessman secretly in cahoots with a Mexican drug lord who’s manipulating white vigilantes killing illegal immigrants. MACHETE is one of the worst movies ever – an ultra violent, bloody mess with extremely lewd content and a hateful, offensive, racist, Anti-American worldview.

    MACHETE Review:

    If it had not been preceded by ANTICHRIST, MACHETE probably would be the worst movie ever made. Not only is it full of gruesome, despicable, extremely bloody violence, graphic nudity, extreme sex, racism, and Anti-American content, it is also very poorly acted and directed. It appears this movie was done as an intentional mocking, ultra-violent joke, but, as one actor at the screening pointed out, when actors are all told to mock something, their acting goes downhill. In fact, this should be a total embarrassment for Robert de Niro and everyone else in the movie.

    MACHETE starts out with Machete, a Mexican Federale, trying to rescue a young woman who has been kidnapped by an evil drug lord named Torrez. Machete fights his way into the hideout, decapitating people and cutting off their arms and legs and anything else he can slice and dice. Eventually, he finds her completely nude. She tries to seduce him and stabs him with his own machete. While he is lying there, she takes a cell phone from her private part and calls Torrez. Torrez comes in with Machete’s wife and decapitates her. Torrez decides to burn the building to kill Machete.

    Somehow, three years later, Machete is a migrant worker in Austin, Texas. There is a war going on between white border vigilantes and the Marxist, illegal Mexican network. The border vigilantes are led by Don Johnson, encouraged by a corrupt senator played by Robert DeNiro and financed by an incestuous businessman played by Jeff Fahey. The Communist Mexicans are led by a woman with the codename She, who uses the name Luz when she runs the migrant taco truck.

    Booth, the corrupt pedophile businessman who lusts after his own daughter (played by Lindsay Lohan), pays Machete $150,000 to kill the senator. Machete gives the money to the revolution. When he tries to shoot the senator, Machete finds out he was set up. Now, he is being chased, not only by Booth and his gang and Torrez but also by the corrupt police force and the border vigilantes.

    A U.S. immigration officer named Sartana discovers Machete’s story is true and befriends him. Machete joins Booth’s naked wife and daughter in a Jacuzzi so he can get into Booth’s house and steal his files. Looking at the files, Machete and Sartana discover Booth works with the senator, and everyone, including the Minuteman leader, is being paid by Torrez. Torrez wants to control the border so he can be the only one smuggling human beings across the border and make even more money.

    Machete’s brother, Padre, who used to be his gun-toting partner, is now a priest. Padre tapes the confessions, which reveal Booth’s incestuous desires for his daughter. Padre also runs guns, dope and anything else he can out of his “church,” which is a perfect cover. Armed with CDs and tapes, Machete and Sartana turn it over to the TV network, because they can’t trust the corrupt police or federal agents.

    Booth and his gang nail Padre to the cross and everyone mocks Jesus. Eventually, the revolution breaks out with the network of Mexican illegal immigrants fighting Booth, the senator, the Minutemen, and their henchmen.

    One would like to think that Robert Rodriguez, who has done such good family movies as the SPY KIDS series, was doing this as a big joke to mock everyone, including Jesus Christ. But, the Bible says in Psalm 1:1, Don’t “sit in the seat of mockers.” Also, if Rodriguez really intended to mock everyone, he failed, because the Communist revolutionaries come off as the only good guys. Rodriguez says he wanted to make a Hispanic superhero, but the backlash against this movie should be intense, and a superhero should not be the first one to kill and steal.

    The movie verbally makes the point that there is no law and order. America is a corrupt, miserable, horrible place. If so, why do all these Mexicans want to come here? In effect, this movie is just a racist diatribe that’s hateful for no good reason.

    That said, there are a couple mentions of people going to Hell, which could include everybody who made this movie. That would be unfortunate, because we have some friends in the movie, including the star Danny Trejo. Danny is the only one who does a good job of acting in this movie. Everyone else looks foolish and buffoonish, giving the movie a very sophomoric, high school, blood and gore fest look.

    There’s nothing sexy about the nudity and sex in MACHETE, which are extreme. Also, after the first couple minutes of violence, most people will become extremely desensitized. That said, thousands of studies show there are susceptible people such as Ted Bundy and Al Gore enamored, eco-terrorist James Jay Lee who tried to blow up the Discovery Channel in September 2010. So, some illegal immigrant may decide that every American is evil, America is corrupt and that it’s his or her job to start the revolution.

    Hopefully, MACHETE will fail at the box office. If moviegoers want a real Hispanic superhero, they should screen some Zorro movies. Or, get Disney’s wonderful TV series on Zorro featuring the dashing Guy Williams.

    MACHETE In Brief:

    MACHETE is one of the worst movies ever – an ultra violent, bloody mess with extremely lewd content and a racist, Anti-American worldview. In the story, Machete, a former Mexican Federale, is hired by a corrupt businessman in Texas to kill a corrupt senator. Both men work with a group of white vigilantes opposed to illegal immigration, but the businessman is secretly in cahoots with Machete’s nemesis, a drug lord named Torrez. Machete realizes too late he’s been set up. Co-operating with a Latino revolutionary and a beautiful immigration officer, Machete uncovers a web of corruption. The corruption leads to Torrez, who is manipulating everyone to control the flow of illegal immigrants and make more money.

    MACHETE is full of gruesome, despicable, extremely bloody violence, graphic nudity, extreme sex, racism, and Anti-American content. Also, the Communist revolutionaries are the heroes. Except for Danny Trejo, who plays Machete, the movie is poorly acted and directed. The director says he wanted to make a Hispanic superhero, but the backlash against this movie should be intense, and a superhero should not be the first one to kill and decapitate. MACHETE is a hateful, racist, offensive diatribe.
    MACHETE - Christian Movie Review

    That made me want to see it!
    "If you are not outraged, then you are not paying attention," Heather Heyer's facebook quote.

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