What basketball could learn from soccer
Soccer is known as "the beautiful game."
It is a beautiful game, and here is one major reason: You can watch an entire game, in person or on TV, without having your senses assaulted by the two coaches.
The two coaches basically disappear. Play is nonstop, and the one on-field official is too busy to do that annoying thing basketball refs do: Stand near the raging coach, quietly absorbing his/her abuse as if it were sound advice.
Basketball is a beautiful game, except for the coaches, many of whom dominate the spectacle the way Bruce Springsteen dominates a Bruce Springsteen concert.
Example: Pat Knight, and I wonder where he gets it? Somewhere in the Knight family archives is home-movie footage of little Patty, age 2, slinging his high chair across the kitchen to protest a bad call by mom - two vegetables and no dessert?
Knight Lite was recently suspended for one game by the Big 12 conference for criticizing the reffing. Earlier this year, he was ejected from a game for running onto the court twice to protest calls.
Jim Calhoun of UConn recently barked at a credentialed journalist who asked a question about Calhoun's $1.6 million salary, "My best advice to you? Shut up!"
I have some advice for you coaches, to promote proper behavior. You know proper behavior, right? That thing you demand of your players?
-- Enough already with the silk tie and matching pocket scarf. We know you make $1.6 million, but try to dress as though you don't own a yacht.
-- If you need to call three timeouts in a row, you haven't taught your players how to deal with various situations. Shame on you. Go scream at yourself.
-- Stop yapping at the refs. You're like a dog chasing cars.
-- Sit down.
-- Stay down.
-- Shut up.
-- Please wear these specially-designed coaching underpants. If you cross the sideline and step onto the court, you will receive an electric shock.