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Thread: NFL Players vs Maryland Politicians: Marriage Equality

  1. #1
    Elite Member MontanaMama's Avatar
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    Default NFL Players vs Maryland Politicians: Marriage Equality

    Still won't make me think kindly upon the Ravens, but Brandon and Chris have a fan in this Browns fan!

    You KNOW it's 2012 when you have NFL players taking on politicians over gay marrriage. Yeah, you read that right!


    Okay so the above picture is of a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens named Brendon Ayanbadejo who has been an outspoken advocate of marriage equality in this country.

    Well apparently this chafed a certain Maryland politician/minister's nutsack so much that he wrote the following letter demanding that the NFL shut Avanbadeio up about his support for them gay folk:

    Now Avanbadeio responded the following in a tweet: "Football is just my job it's not who I am. I am an American before anything. And just like every American I have the right to speak!!!"

    And THAT might have been where this story ended. Except THIS is 2012, and WE are in the middle of an unstoppable social change in this country. So instead of this remaining an unfortunate little story about a linebacker and a politician arguing about who can say what in this county and when, there was ANOTHER NFL player who was going to make this a MUCH bigger story.



    Enter Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe.

    Chris Kluwe did NOT take very kindly to this Maryland politician/minister essentially telling somebody to shut up, and decided to fire off his OWN letter in defense of his fellow NFL player. (Okay now before you read this let me warn you that Mr. Kluwe has a rather "colorful" vocabulary. Now most of you are longtime IM readers so you should be fine, but you still might find your eyes going wide one or more times. I'm just saying.)

    Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,

    I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):

    1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.

    2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").

    3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

    I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

    In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.

    Sincerely, Chris Kluwe

    Daaammmnnn!

    I really do not have much more to add to that. Essentially Mr. Kluwe expressed my feelings, and THEN SOME.

    However I would simply like to express how much fun it is to be involved in politics and the fight for social change in this country at this time. We as a people are making incredible advances in our humanity, our tolerance, and our understanding of our fellow man/woman, and it is AWESOME!

    The Immoral Minority: You KNOW it's 2012 when you have NFL players taking on politicians over gay marrriage. Yeah, you read that right!
    MohandasKGanja and *DIVA! like this.
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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    OMG! That is the best letter! Well. I hope he liked that as an immediate response! His head should have turned backwards after reading that one. This just does my heart good.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    Oh damn I may become a Vikings fan lol
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    Gold Member gardenwitch's Avatar
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    I now have a special place in my heart for the Vikings!
    HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS! That was FUCKING AWESOME!!!
    Tati likes this.
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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Chris Kluwe, I think I love you.
    emkat likes this.
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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    In honor of Chris Kluwe, anybody who cuts in front of me in traffic this week will be referred to as a "narcissistic fromunda stain".
    SHELLEE likes this.

  7. #7
    Gold Member emkat's Avatar
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    That letter is epic!
    I saw DEATH, an anorexic penguin, an overcooked Gollum, Mr. Burns in need of a haircut and a methed-up Riff Raff.--Michael K. on Phil Spector

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    Elite Member angelais's Avatar
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    Love it!!! I too may become a Vikings fan.

    I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster.

    Cockmonster! LOL!! This is my new favorite word.
    Did you know that an anagram for "Conscious Uncoupling" is "Iconic Uncool Pus Guns"? - MohandasKGanja

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    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Damn!! That was impressive! Go Kluwe!
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

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    Elite Member choozen1ne's Avatar
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    lustful cockmonster- that may be the best line I have ever heard
    nancydrew likes this.

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    More Chris Kluwe below. This guy changes his look a lot:




  12. #12
    Elite Member *DIVA!'s Avatar
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    The fact that Burns thought he could bully the Raven's into making the player retract his statement is BS! The response is amazing! How the hell can you be a black PERSON in this day and time and deny someone the same civil rights that were denied you!

    I have attended the Marlanders for Marriage Equality phone bank twice now... I have come in contact with some of the most ignorant black people in the world. I have people tell me that its nasty because those people puts dicks in their mouths...and my answer was, so do straight women!! I had a women quote made up Bible verses to me and I quoted real ones back to her. I hate fucking people sometimes man!!
    Baltimore O's ​Fan!

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    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Love it. Keep this shit coming!!

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    Gold Member Janet296's Avatar
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    He has won me over. I am a fan of Kluwe!

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    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    How can this shitstain Burns possibly put that crap in writing? Colossally stupid and one of the best ways to shoot yourself in the foot and sink your chances of being taken seriously at any level. What a fabulous retort.

    I love the "Holy Fucking Shitballs" usage in a communication to a legislator. Extremely expressive.
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