Parents blamed for unruly pupils

[Lobelia]

Originally Posted by Grimmlok

See, here's the thing.

If some kid was in trouble and I had to die to save it, I would. Wouldn't matter who's hatchling it was. PRetty much the same with people, my friends, etc. If I had to take a bullet for one of them to live, I'd do it without hesitation.

I LOATHE children, but it's like some screwed up sense of duty or moral obligation. If I see someone being threatened on the street, i'll help them. If i see someone in trouble, i'll be the first one asking whats wrong.

but kids.. gah.. suck the life and cash right out of you

Ya know, just give up on promoting your image of a die hard, to-the-core unfeeling asshole. Sometimes you just give yourself away. There's a teddy bear in there, sorry.

[A*O]

Can we re-name this thread "Bears Blamed For Shitting In Woods"?

[Lobelia]

DH, I know exactly what you mean about sass. I just can't stand it, won't stand it, & have never gotten it from my children. Wait, I think when my daughter was 3, in the car she said, "don't start with me, mommy." Screeeeeeeeeech went the car tires when the brakes were smashed.......

We won't tolerate sass to other adults, either.

And partially because I am a rather impatient, selfish person, I have always insisted on obedience from my kids without argument. My kids, one an older teen & one 11 years, have always known that No means NO. They never ask again, or whine, or but but but or pleeeeeeease. When they see other kids doing it to their parents, mine gape in astonishment.

They set their alarms in the morning & get up, they do chores without being told, have always gone to bed without fussing, make good grades, don't beg in the grocery store and and I'm not even a particularly great parent. It's all about consistency. I am so bull-headed that I would die of a stroke before giving in to a tantrum or demands.

[DisruptiveHair]

Originally Posted by Lobelia

DH, I know exactly what you mean about sass. I just can't stand it, won't stand it, & have never gotten it from my children. Wait, I think when my daughter was 3, in the car she said, "don't start with me, mommy." Screeeeeeeeeech went the car tires when the brakes were smashed.......

We won't tolerate sass to other adults, either.

And partially because I am a rather impatient, selfish person, I have always insisted on obedience from my kids without argument. My kids, one an older teen & one 11 years, have always known that No means NO. They never ask again, or whine, or but but but or pleeeeeeease. When they see other kids doing it to their parents, mine gape in astonishment.

They set their alarms in the morning & get up, they do chores without being told, have always gone to bed without fussing, make good grades, don't beg in the grocery store and and I'm not even a particularly great parent. It's all about consistency. I am so bull-headed that I would die of a stroke before giving in to a tantrum or demands.

Hehehehehehe...that's pretty much the way I plan to be.

If a child of mine ever told me to "talk to the hand," for example, my hand would be having a conversation with his/her BUTT very swiftly.

My aunt wasn't very good at disciplining my cousins and they could be fairly unruly and I always got stuck with them when I had time off from school. They're 7 and 10 years younger than I am, so you can imagine the fun I had taking their asses to the movies, then out to lunch when I was 16. The first time was absolute hell, so I decided I wasn't going to put up with that shit. I trained 'em. I wasn't allowed to spank them so I had to be creative, but I ignored tantrums, insisted on appropriate behavior, and most scary for them, told their mother if they had acted up. I even had them saying "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" to me, and saying "excuse me" if they burped. The older one was more difficult than the younger one; she looked up to me and she wanted to please me, but the older one (a boy) was very mindful. I was in charge of what we were doing, though, so if he acted up I could just take him home without doing anything fun and that'd be the end of it.

[Grimmlok]

See, I was never that child. I was always the child that when you said no, i'd ask for a logical reason as to why. If you couldn't provide one, then I wouldn't listen.

I *hated* that "just because" bullshit. I felt entitled, as a PERSON, to an explanation that made sense.

I never screamed, I never flipped out in stores.. I asked "can we get that" and if there was a "no", followed by an explanation as to why I'd usually nod my head and move on.

Parents who do that "obey me and don't question" stuff pissed me off.

[nana55]

O.K. Grimlock, you probably don't remember all the fits you pitched as a toddler, kinda goes with the territory.

What I want to talk about is moms or dads staying home. I work in an elementary school and can almost always tell who has a stay at home parent. They are better behaved, listen better, more intelligent and much nicer to be around. My daughters both stay at home. One can without financial hartdship, the other does with a lot of struggling. Her husband makes $50,000 and we live in San Diego where the average house is now $600,000. She and her husband were elegble for affordable housing. It took a year of paperwork and financial records to qualify, but it was so worth it. They were able to get a condo for $150,000. That is the only help they got. What do they do to have mom stay home with their daughter, is sacrafice. It is possible. Both her and her husband are Cornell graduates and they don't feel their degrees are wasted. He is a game designer for Sony which sounds like fun but pays shit. She does wood-working and make a little extra doing that. They both feel it is so important to raise their own kids that they never question their decision. I was also a stay at home mom. It can be done, and if it can't, (puts on flame suit) maybe you should wait to have children until you can. (runs and hides)

[barbiedoll25]

Originally Posted by LynnieD

^^ That's part of his problem, he's intelligent and know's how to work it.

It's tough out there, being a parent. I know before I had a kid I was saying a lot of the same things you guys are. My daughter isn't even 2 yet, but all the things I swore I would never do, never let her get away with...well, it's a LOT easier said than done. It's very easy to sit there and say 'Do this, don't do this'. When that kid is sitting in that grocery cart screaming because they want something and you won't give it to them, well, it ain't fun. I do not give in btw, but its difficult to deal with constantly.
And unfortunately, these days, it's a whole new ball game in terms of child abduction, rapes, murders, drugs, smoking, sexual issues, etc. Where I grew up, none of these things were even mentioned. Now, sometimes you HAVE to drive your kid to school, simply to make sure the kid GETS THERE.
I am NOT disagreeing w/this article by the way, parents NEED to discipline their children and need to take responsiblity for their kids actions.
But it's not easy as it sounds....nothing about parenting is.

Yes but if you try to shelter them from everything that MIGHT happen you are really just paralyzing them in the end. Either they are going to be rebellious or really rigid. You need to find a balance so they know what is out there but they can differeniate between the bad and good.

[Lobelia]

Parents who do that "obey me and don't question" stuff pissed me off.

Of course it pissed you off. You were a kid.

Before I had children, I had a lot of ideas & high standards about how parenting should be.

Now I have a different perspective, one based on reality. There are times when I have offered reasons or explanations to a child, and there are times when I exercised my adult perogative and said "because I said so" because, guess what, I am the adult & I call the shots.

I don't owe a petulant child an explanation for every disappointment. And some children are not as reasonable as the angelic Grimmlok apparently was, and they really don't want an explanation, they want to drag out the situation & wear your ass down until you cave.

Life does not always give us explanations. Sometimes you have to play the hand you're dealt.

[buttmunch]

Hmmm...I think it's great if people can choose to have one parent stay at home, which usually ends up being the mother. But it simply isn't always possible. And not always desirable. I stayed home for two years and was a complete mental case by the end. My kids are better adjusted now that I work because I am not pulling my hair out, bored out of my tits every single day. I work part time, some in an office, some at home and have started a business on the side that will eventually (fingers crossed) give me much more flexibility. But I know that if I had continued to stay home, my kids would've been neurotic freaks because I was turning into a neurotic freak.

And to be honest, there are so many people who, no matter what, just haven't got the financial resources to have both parents stay at home. The west has generally turned into a two income society. And to be really honest, the mothers I do know who stay home are absolutely bonkers. They treat the PTA like it's their lifeline to sanity, which it probably is. They makes 'deals' with thier husbands...stuff like 'he'll pay for everything and not question her in the home as long as his food is on the table when he wants it and his shirts are ironed. And when he IS home, he is the boss'. A woman actually told me that. I couldn't decide whether to vomit or faint.

These women are scary throwbacks to the fifties, where 'mother's-little-helpers' sent drug company stocks soaring. It's a personal choice and no one solution fits everyone. But from what I've experienced, a little life outside the home is beneficial for all.