Daughter is denied the right to identify her sperm donor father

[oltifreakinbaby]

I am not torn. A man who has made a donation under the condition of anonymity should remain anonymous always and forever. Future rule changes should not be applied retroactively. I might be torn if she were dying of some disease that could be treated if only they could find a matching donor but mere curiosity, no matter how powerful it may be, is not a good enough reason to break the conditions under which the donations were made. Having his identity exposed could prove extremely disruptive to the lives of the donor and his family.

Honestly, even if it came to a life or death decision, it's not their problem. This might seem cold to some people, but in the end, it's the sperm donor's choice. If he doesn't want to be found, he shouldn't. They have no right to expect or demand anything from him.

Idk why women really do this in the first place though. Won't your child be missing a father figure in his/her life? That impacts you a lot. Idk maybe it works in some circumstances.

[lurkur]

Too bad people aren't more interested in adoption than select-a-sperm shakes.

[dolem]

The man donated sperm - probably for monetary reasons. He did not choose to be a parent. Big difference. If the man wants to remain anonymous he should be able to, regardless of what the child might feel.

My husband looked into donation, mainly just to find out more about it. You have to give a major medical family history including aunts, uncles, cousins, as well as immediate family. You have to put down if you have ever gotten someone pregnant (probably a good thing). In addition, if your sperm has been chosen too many times in the direct area they won't continue to use it in that area. There was some sort of mileage radius of impregnating women I believe there were tons of questions regarding height, weight, education, physique, etc. I want to say you had to put your SAT score...a lot of stuff like that.

I think it was $100/session up to 2 times a week. Plus, you had to commit for a year. So, you make about $10k for a year worth of waking it. Not bad $$.

[Novice]

Honestly, even if it came to a life or death decision, it's not their problem. This might seem cold to some people, but in the end, it's the sperm donor's choice. If he doesn't want to be found, he shouldn't. They have no right to expect or demand anything from him.

Idk why women really do this in the first place though. Won't your child be missing a father figure in his/her life? That impacts you a lot. Idk maybe it works in some circumstances.

Sperm donors are also used in couples wanting children, but where the male is unable to produce the right kind or fertile sperm. Maybe even the majority of the time this is the case. With single women wanting children a much smaller percentage of users.

If the kid is 20 or so, she probably had a father but they've just chosen not to mention him to make this better "news".

[crumpet]

I feel like saying to her: Look girl, you got to be born and have a good life where you can make it into anything your want. Just be grateful for that. I understand wanting to know the answer to this, but your sperm donor Dad helped give you life on the condition you wouldn't ever know who he is, so deal with it. He has as much right to privacy as you do.

[Novice]

Unfortunately, we appear to live in an entitlement culture.... where just because they think that they should have it, they want it (and want it NOW!).

[RevellingInSane]

What is there to be torn on? He wanted to remain anonymous and regardless of what the hatchlings want, that is his right. She should move on and get a life.