Dennis Prager: Nothing says "I love you" like marital rape

**Honey** · December 30th, 2008, 02:36 AM

It takes a certain je ne sais quoi to unabashedly argue in favor of marital rape. Of course columnist Dennis Prager doesn't call it that. No no, he prefers to use some sort of bizarre high school logic about how ladies who really love their man will "give her body" on demand.

It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.

And here I thought the "if you really loved me" argument was only relegated to after-school specials! How wrong I was.

First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wife's refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him. This is rarely the case for women. Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny).

Haha, because the ideas of men's bodies as commodities is ridiculous, of course! Outside of the insulting notion that men only recognize love through sex, Prager also seems to think that sex is simply about women "giving" their bodies to men. (In fact, he writes some variation of the phrase "give your body" or "deprive your body" multiple times in the article.) The idea that sex could be a mutually enjoyable and wanted expression of love is lost on the dude. Which is actually pretty sad.

Prager goes on to write that men are no more than animals, and that "every man who is sexually faithful to his wife already engages in daily heroic self-control." (Seriously.) But don't worry, gals, Prager has a sensitive side:

Of course, there are times when a man must simply refrain from initiating sex out of concern for his wife's physical or emotional condition.

Talk about a keeper!

Yes Means Yes contributor (and long-time Feministing commenter) Thomas actually has a great essay that gets to the heart of what's wrong with Prager's ideas about sex:

We live in a culture where sex is not so much an act as a thing: a substance that can be given, bought, sold, or stolen, that has a value and a supply-and-demand curve. In this "commodity model," sex is like a ticket; women have it and men try to get it.

In this case, Prager seems to believe that men have an inherent right to the whole frigging box office.
Dennis Prager: Nothing says "I love you" like marital rape - Feministing

**NicoleWasHere** · December 30th, 2008, 02:38 AM

...

That's all I have to say about that...

**Grimmlok** · December 30th, 2008, 07:56 AM

Well of course this is the position he'd take; short of rearranging the laws of couple dynamics, this guy doesn't have a hope in hell of getting laid on his own

**ymeman** · January 1st, 2009, 06:23 PM

I can't remember the name of that religious guy that was famous for some reason that used to anally rape his wife every time she had a narcoleptic episode...I hope this isn't him. He might have even been a politician or something, but definitely an xtian.

The rebuttal kind of hits on something I believe, that sex really is an invisible currency in this culture. I'm starting to think that alot of male anger toward women is resentment about the discrepancy between availability of sex. I don't think it's the fault of culture, especially not 'this culture' or 'nowadays', I think it's biological; if it's cultural at all it has to do with enforced patrilineality and the suppression of female sexuality...you can't have true female sexual freedom if you have to account for (and approve of) the paternity of every male heir for generations, you only get that kind of insurance by oppressing women to the nth degree to where they are afraid for their lives if they become pregnant by the wrong man.

I really don't know if it's true what he's saying about 'heroic self-control'. I really don't. I think he's a schmuck and a moron, but I sometimes wonder...I watched a show with a post-op transexual M.D. and she said something similar about male biology, having been formerly male and being now female. It certainly shouldn't be used as an excuse to force sex on anyone...to me rape is about anger, first and foremost. It requires force, brutality, the urge to dominate and degrade. If you are into BDSM and that is your thing, good on you, but if you are doing that to strangers, it's because you are sexualizing something that isn't sexual at all. So this guy probably has anger issues. It kills me that he says'this is what I, or we, as he says, feel so you should do what we want' instead of 'this is how we feel when you do 'x' and we are adults who need to deal with our emotions, which may not be based in reality.'

**Lobelia** · January 1st, 2009, 06:39 PM

I know nothing about this man but I just now read the essay he wrote, and it doesn't appear to advocate rape. He is telling women that they should choose to have sex even when they're not in the mood, because it keeps the man happy. It didn't say that the man should force himself on the woman.

**AliceInWonderland** · January 4th, 2009, 01:05 AM

isnt the asshole who said abortion = ok to beat women?!

**crumpet** · January 5th, 2009, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Lobelia

I know nothing about this man but I just now read the essay he wrote, and it doesn't appear to advocate rape. He is telling women that they should choose to have sex even when they're not in the mood, because it keeps the man happy. It didn't say that the man should force himself on the woman.

That is my take on it exactly. Honestly, I see some validity in that because there are times I may not be in the mood but he is and it really doesn't take hardly any effort at all on those occasions to just let someone I love use my body to feel good. Besides, it often turns into something I'm really glad I did. It's not like he's hurting me of forcing me or even manipulating me. It isn't much different than watching a movie that they want to see vs. going bowling or whatever I might have wanted to do. As long as there is reciprocity where my needs and wants get put first sometimes I don't see an issue.

Not saying this guy isn't a woman hating neanderthal but that doesn't mean every single thing he says is automatically wrong.

**buttmunch** · January 9th, 2009, 12:31 AM

Unsurprisingly this dickhead is twice divorced. I haven't read the article in its entirety so can't make a full judgement but I will say that the idea that women 'giving' themselves to men is fine but the idea is laughable when talking about men is fucked up and explains the double divorce. Plus, look at him...would YOU fuck him?

**Grimmlok** · January 9th, 2009, 01:04 PM

Yeah sorry. If I'm not in the mood, then I'm not having sex. Go enjoy some porn.

**Beefy McWoof** · January 9th, 2009, 02:14 PM

He probably thinks that porn is also a sign of immorality.

**buttmunch** · January 10th, 2009, 03:47 AM

Unless it features some non-consensual sex.

**Beefy McWoof** · January 10th, 2009, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by buttmunch

Unless it features some non-consensual sex.

I can see him directing porn now;
"No no no, this is not working! This isn't hot at all! This actress just doesn't know how to act as if she doesn't want to have sex with this guy! Fuck it, let's drop this bitch and kidnap some middle-aged housewife and start the fuck over!"

**Butterfly** · January 10th, 2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by Grimmlok

Yeah sorry. If I'm not in the mood, then I'm not having sex. Go enjoy some porn.

That is how I feel... If I'm in the mood and he is not than I would never try to make him have sex with me... I would never guilt him and he would never guilt me into having sex when I'm just not in the mood. I call it respect.