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Thread: You might be a Republican if...

  1. #1
    Elite Member MrsMarsters's Avatar
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    Default You might be a Republican if...

    You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

    You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

    You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were
    just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

    You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic
    minority here) friend"

    You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to
    welfare.

    You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

    You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

    The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck,
    they're richer than you.

    You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

    You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

    You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

    You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

    You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of
    bitches."

    You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

    You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

    You answer to "The Man."

    You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it
    because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

    You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

    You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert
    and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

    You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

    You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

    When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

    You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

    You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

    You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your
    home.

    Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

    You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism
    in America.

    You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

    You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

    You've ever called education a luxury.

    You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

    You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

    You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

    You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

    You're afraid of the liberal media."

    You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition
    dictates...."

    You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can
    because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

    You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps,
    when they don't even have shoes.

    You confuse Lenin with Lennon.



    other stuff.


    "Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." —Jon Stewart

    "Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." —David Letterman

    "Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton." —Jay Leno

    "You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" —Craig Ferguson

    "But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil." —Jimmy Kimmel
    Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Delphinium's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    Hey Hippie, Get a Haircut! lol couldn't resist...

  3. #3
    Hit By Ban Bus! UndercoverGator's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
    ROFLMAO! Good one!

    Seriously, the ones I just don't get are the middle class and poor Christians with a million kids on a small budget that vote Republican. The Republican party holds financial views and creates laws that force them to pay the majority of the tax burden for the entire country. The very rich and the very poor don't contribute, just those poor paycheck to paycheck middle classers.

  4. #4
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    ^^^^
    ignorance and brainwashing
    or fundies

    hilarious list!
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  5. #5
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    LMAO!

    Funny AND true.

  6. #6
    Elite Member twitchy's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    Quote Originally Posted by MrsMarsters
    You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
    The only thing on the list that I can agree with.

    "The howling backwoods that is IMDB is where film criticism goes to die (and then have its corpse gang-raped, called a racist, and accused of supporting Al-Qaeda)" ----Sean O'Neal, The Onion AV Club

  7. #7
    Hit By Ban Bus! UndercoverGator's Avatar
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    Default Re: You might be a Republican if...

    You might be a Republican if...

    ..the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" makes you orgasm every time you hear it..

    ..you watched "Roots" to see 'all those nice black people in their proper place'

    ...you like nothing better than a Fourth of July spend roasting weenies, swimming and shooting off your handguns at immigrants.

    ...you actually gave money to the "Ollie North for Congress" campaign back in the 90s even when the stupidest comments came out of his mouth in the press.

    ...you cried when Reagan kicked the bucket.

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