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Thread: My dog passed on New Years Eve

  1. #16
    Elite Member sweetrebel's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry!
    I lost my dog 5 years ago, and it still hurts. Lots of people don't understand how you can feel that way about a dog, but, like you, mistify-that dog was my best friend...I went through a really rough time in my life, and that dog was the only "person" I talked to for a while.

    People are apalled when you compare the death of a pet with the death of a human, but they are so similar. You can (at least I did) grieve the same for each one.
    I hope that you can do things the way you want for him. I know how much it means.

    Oh, Lobes, that has me balling like a baby! I may be silly, but I do believe there is a place like that...
    THE EASIEST WAY OUT IS THROUGH....

  2. #17
    Hit By Ban Bus! ediebrooks's Avatar
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    Mistify, I am so sorry for your loss. It must hurt awfully to lose your adored pet. And I also agree there is a "Rainbow Bridge".

  3. #18
    Elite Member crumpet's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry.

    Please cut off contact with anyone who tried to minimize the loss of your pet and best friend. I'm not assuming anyone has, but it is remarkable to me how insensitive some people can be about these things.

  4. #19
    Silver Member chavah81's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved fur child... they are so special. Some people dont understand that animals are children with fur... great bigs cyber hugs to you.. I know it must be very hard.


    (I hope I dont sound like a whack job, but this is how I feel when it comes to pets)

  5. #20
    Elite Member mistify's Avatar
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    Thanks you guys I went and picked him up at the vets today. He came home in a pretty cedar box with his name engraved on the top. It has a little gold lock and keys. THey sent the prettiest poem with him. Thanks guys for being so kind and completely understanding. I will post the poem when i can type without bawling.

    anyways all you guys were really thoughtful and it means so much.
    "Shit, I think I just confused myself. QUICK! Somebody hand me chalk, a chalkboard and Will Hunting's brain!" michael k -dlisted

  6. #21
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    ^ Awww....the box, poem and the engravement sound a lovely tribute to your baby.

    And I agree, if anyone tries to trivialise the loss of a pet they are not worth knowing x

  7. #22
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    mistify, I'm so sorry. Been through that, it's awful. May you find peace of mind soon and have fond memories always.

  8. #23
    Bronze Member Tierra's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you gave him the best life a dog could have!

  9. #24
    Elite Member Aella's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry. I lost my own dog over a year ago, and I've only recently come to the point where I can think of him without crying. It's a very hard thing to go through, big hugs to you.

  10. #25
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    so sorry about your doggy!!!!!!!!!! I can of course understand you during this time as you saw my cat thread. A dog is even worse because its closer to a human being. You just have to be strong and know that he knew you loved him. What can we do but love them and keep them in our hearts forever.

  11. #26
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    Oh, Mistify, I can't find the words to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I might not "know" you but I know far too well what it is like to lose pets, especially since sometimes they *really* are our best friends, the little beings that have been beside us and have gave us unconditional love and company through thick and thin. Still, I realize what I can imagine is not even close to what you must be feelng now and I wish I could help you somehow.
    As for your husband, I wonder if he is doing that thing some men do(some! please the guys here don't get mad).. Some men act and talk as if something was less important than it is or downplay the pain or preoccupation their partner experiences (or that they experience themselves) only because they do not know how to handle things, how to help, what to say. They "think" that downplaying the importance of what happened might make it all look less tragic. They act sometimes like we around babies: sometimes around babies, we see them fall or bump into something and we don't say much about it because we know that if the babie sees us worried, he or she will actually worry more or focus more on the pain and will cry and cry. With babies, sometimes, when the baby falls and then looks at us and we act as if nothing serious happened, then they assume it was indeed no big deal and do not focus any longer on the pain... Unfortunately, I think some men who don't know how to help a spouse with her pain, "dismiss" the importance of what has happened hoping it will make their loved one not focus on the pain any longer. But you are not a baby, your pain is not a trivial one and it is ok and necessary to cry your heart out, and do whatever it takes to YOU to feel a bit more at peace with the loss. WHATEVER it takes, whatever makes you feel you gave back to that sweet being at least a bit of what that being gave to you. Hopefully your husband is just clueless out of feeling shocked or lost in how to deal with us, and will little by litle, admit his own pain and mourn with you and realize that NOT ignoring your pain and doing all you thought you had to do was indeed the right thing to do.
    Today is the anniversary of the death of one of my pets, and it still makes my heart ache, 5 years after it happened. My heart goes out to you.
    I am of those who are convinced that one day we will meet "somewhere". I hope you have that inner conviction too, since it gives us hope, and some peace and relief while swimming in this much pain.

  12. #27
    Gold Member Reptillycus's Avatar
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    I say a prayer for you and your sweet lifelong friend.
    DH is a Siberian Tiger

  13. #28
    Elite Member mistify's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mysteryagain2 View Post
    Oh, Mistify, I can't find the words to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I might not "know" you but I know far too well what it is like to lose pets, especially since sometimes they *really* are our best friends, the little beings that have been beside us and have gave us unconditional love and company through thick and thin. Still, I realize what I can imagine is not even close to what you must be feelng now and I wish I could help you somehow.
    As for your husband, I wonder if he is doing that thing some men do(some! please the guys here don't get mad).. Some men act and talk as if something was less important than it is or downplay the pain or preoccupation their partner experiences (or that they experience themselves) only because they do not know how to handle things, how to help, what to say. They "think" that downplaying the importance of what happened might make it all look less tragic. They act sometimes like we around babies: sometimes around babies, we see them fall or bump into something and we don't say much about it because we know that if the babie sees us worried, he or she will actually worry more or focus more on the pain and will cry and cry. With babies, sometimes, when the baby falls and then looks at us and we act as if nothing serious happened, then they assume it was indeed no big deal and do not focus any longer on the pain... Unfortunately, I think some men who don't know how to help a spouse with her pain, "dismiss" the importance of what has happened hoping it will make their loved one not focus on the pain any longer. But you are not a baby, your pain is not a trivial one and it is ok and necessary to cry your heart out, and do whatever it takes to YOU to feel a bit more at peace with the loss. WHATEVER it takes, whatever makes you feel you gave back to that sweet being at least a bit of what that being gave to you. Hopefully your husband is just clueless out of feeling shocked or lost in how to deal with us, and will little by litle, admit his own pain and mourn with you and realize that NOT ignoring your pain and doing all you thought you had to do was indeed the right thing to do.
    Today is the anniversary of the death of one of my pets, and it still makes my heart ache, 5 years after it happened. My heart goes out to you.
    I am of those who are convinced that one day we will meet "somewhere". I hope you have that inner conviction too, since it gives us hope, and some peace and relief while swimming in this much pain.

    Thank you so much for that^^ THat is SO true about my hubby. My heart and sympathy go out to anyone who has lost that special pet.

    And by the way that was the nicest thing anyone has said to me since Frazier passed. That means more than you will ever know. I feel better that he is home with me. I know that dog LIVED for me, at least now I can look at the box and remember that this was the greatest dog that ever lived and he came here for me. ANd I know I'll see him again . Thanks so much all of you ...
    "Shit, I think I just confused myself. QUICK! Somebody hand me chalk, a chalkboard and Will Hunting's brain!" michael k -dlisted

  14. #29
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    Mistify, I hope your pain is getting a little better now. I have a story like that with my former cat. I just know he stayed with me during the roughest part of my life. He sacrificed a lot for me. Got lost in a lightning/thunder storm at a new place I'd moved to. It was awful not knowing whatever happened to him, after 10 years of togetherness. I heard on that Babwa show about spirituality that this woman died for awhile and she was on a staircase with a lot of light, and there were really joyous dogs and cats running up and down it, like they were getting to greet their masters and take them further into the light.

  15. #30
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    Glad Mistify if my words really helped somehow.

    I've been thinking of you all day long. I can relate to your pain so much.

    You know what... Years ago, I was in a really, really, really dark moment in my life. I was in a seriously abusive relationship and was so depressed that couldn't gather the strenght to walk away (emotionally and physically, as I was not able to sleep for months and months for more than two hours) but as soon as I regained some strenght I could walk away. But in the meantime... boy, I felt so much despair and loneliness, that the idea of suicide crossed my mind. Guess what saved me. Who saved me. My pets. Particularly two of them. Two disabled birds I take care of (they could not be free because they'd die out of their malformities and unability to feed themselves, but if I took care of them, they lead a happy life, and were all cheerful).

    Anyway, when I seriously considered suicide, I remembered that if I'd die, those little beasts would have no one to take care of them. I could not do that to them. Even if someone would take care of them (not likely), they would not be loved as I had loved them. And above all, *they* didn't deserve it. They were those tiny birds with malformations that looked so beautiful to me and flew around and chirped and flapped their wings trying to cheer me up when I was in bed, crying. They were the bright spot in my life, my company when I cried, and they seemed to be so happy to be around me, even if I was so sad and could not play as much with them. It would have been unfair from me to *them* to abandon them.

    Their love was too pure and I could not be so selfish. I did not act on my suicidal thoughts mostly because of this imperative desire to take care of them and respect those lives I had in my hands. I don't regret it one minute. My life has not been all beds and roses ever since, not in the least. But up until now, and even if one of those birdies passed away, the pets I have had and took care of, or take care of today are the "shelter", the "haven" in my home, in every of my moments of sadness.

    Even the littlest gesture of love toward them, is returned to me with more and more love. Yes, as corny as it sounds, I believe pets know how to love. And with such innocence and sweetness, that just seeing them makes a sometimes senseless and cruel world have some sense.

    How not to miss them when they are gone? not only that would not be natural, it'd be unfair to them. Granted, they must want to see us happy from wherever we are. But they must also appreciate our honoring them. And above all, WE need this time of paying respect to them for ourselves, for finding some closure (which is not the same as forgetting them! just feeling at peace with the loss...).

    People sometimes do not understand that. They need to have experienced themselves the blessing of having a loving animal in their life to realize to what point they bring joy, peace and hope in their world.

    But the world is such that grieving for a pet is considered silly. People consider that you can grieve them only to a point, only by doing this or that... What do they know? Each person grieves the loss of a loved one the way he or she needs to. Our minds and souls are wiser than we are. If we feel we ought to do something in their honor, it's because that's what will bring us peace and some closure.

    Never feel silly for feeling strongly about Frazier nor for feeling that you ought to do for him and for paying him respects something that others consider silly. After all, it is your pain, not theirs, what do they know? and in any case, as horrible as feeling pain is, you are the lucky one by comparison. At least you suffer because you've known a great love, the love that makes a person experience a true reverence for all forms of life and what they can do, the wonders they can work in our lives... and viceversa. We seize the world and all creatures in them differently. And that makes our life richer in so many ways, even if it means feeling pain here and there.

    I am not particularly religious, but spiritual, and am convinced that animals are sometimes like angels to us.

    Again, people sometimes have a hard time reconciling their "rational" beliefs and that "does this look logical or not to others" concern with what they feel deep inside. And sometimes they know what they feel inside but fear to show it or fear that showing it will only worsen the pain they have themselves or that their loved one experiences over that same loss.

    We all are different, and when it comes to mourning, not only there are different ways to mourn, but also different ways to understand the pain, acknowledge it, accept it, admit it... I bet your husband is clueless, and does not mean to hurt you. I know it does not make things particuarly easy for you that he is acting like that now, but for now, ignore him without being rude. In time, he will mourn himself and admit his own pain or his understanding of yours.

    For whatever is worth, if you ever feel like writing something in his honor, I have a blog. Actually, it is not written in theory by me, but by one of my birdies, the one with most malformations. She was going to die out neglection when we found her, she is an example of how a being that I honestly thought would not live past the night could recover and become a gorgeous bird only out of love an caring (that is all we need, deep inside, love, caring, feeling home, right?) and now she is healthy and beautiful and particulary smart (not enough to write a blog, *LOL*, but it is funny to imagine her writing it).

    She needs care and can not live outdoors (this is not even her natural habitab or the weather she could survive in) but she is one happy bird. In the blog, she shares stories about other rescued animals, like her, about her thoughts , about other examples of beautiful bonds between animals and humans, about heroic animals, good humans that respect all living bengs... and she writes in honor and in memorium of pets that went away and were truly loved. If you think that it will give you any consolation to have that testimonial of how special Frazier was, some anecdotes about him, some ways by which he touched your heart and/or just want to tell the "whole world", symbolically, how much you love him, then, you can PM me and send me whatever you want to have published there and I will do so, respecting your privacy. You can also read some other beautiful touching stories and stories of hope and of the faith (regardless of religions or things like that) that we all will meet one day, somehow.

    Again, you don't have to, but if it is of any good to you, you can PM me and you can read the blog before you decide if it is ok to post there or not. It is a very private thing anyway, only a few people know about it.

    Hugs and my heart goes out to you. Wish I could hug you, honest. I know it sound ridiculous not knowing you, but it's just that in this particular regard, I feel as if knew you, your pain... even if no two pains are the same, if not two creatures are the same. But how special and unique and wonderful they are, that's the same, even if they are all so different.

    Love tons and tons.
    Last edited by Mysteryagain2; January 8th, 2007 at 02:38 AM.

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