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Thread: Pet rules

  1. #1
    Elite Member DontMindMe's Avatar
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    Default Pet rules

    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the sl ightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight-out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Complain About My Pets:
    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3. Are easier to train
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6.
    If they get pregnant, you can sell their children


    President Barack Obama
    Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

  2. #2
    Elite Member roslyntaberfan's Avatar
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    That's great! Couldn't agree more!

  3. #3
    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    6. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

    I bet Lynne Sears wishes she could do that.
    Hello mother fucker! when you ask a question read also the answer instead of asking another question on an answer who already contain the answer of your next question!
    -Bugdoll-



  4. #4
    La vie en rose DitaPage*'s Avatar
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    I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

    So true!

    They live here, you don't.
    I've used that one so many times.


    Dog stretched out on the bed is funny. My dog never curls up in a ball!

  5. #5
    Bronze Member princessdagizzle's Avatar
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    this was cute!!! i agree withthe staircase is not nascar...my dog likes to race and ive tripped onto him several times haaha

  6. #6
    Elite Member Honey's Avatar
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    Cute and funny. My dog loves to stretch out on my bed and I get whatever room is left.

  7. #7
    Hit By Ban Bus!
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    ^ mine too lol

  8. #8
    Elite Member crumpet's Avatar
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    God, that is hilarious.

  9. #9
    Gold Member Elphie's Avatar
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    Don't ask for money all the time
    & Never ask to drive the car
    LOL i have been saying this for years!!

  10. #10
    Elite Member panda's Avatar
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    pets are so much better than kids!
    I'm posting these rules for Tunie, she is one spoiled little Diva girl Pug!

  11. #11
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    My poodle would read it,sniff & walk off,secure in the knowledge that it could not possibly apply to him!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  12. #12
    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    My cat would just think that bringing me another half dead rabbit would appease me & make it all better - including the fact that he only runs towards me when he spots me sat on the loo!
    Free Charmed.

  13. #13
    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Novice View Post
    My cat would just think that bringing me another half dead rabbit would appease me & make it all better - including the fact that he only runs towards me when he spots me sat on the loo!
    Don't forget that they will bring you a dead rabbit (or any other animal) and leave is artfully (eviscerated) where you must notice it by stepping on it.

    One of the cats has a thing for bringing birds home; it got to the point where I went outside and moved his kill and told him "JFC, if you're going to do this can we please not do it right in front of the 3 year old child!?!?!?!"
    KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

  14. #14
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Just Kill Me View Post
    One of the cats has a thing for bringing birds home; it got to the point where I went outside and moved his kill and told him "JFC, if you're going to do this can we please not do it right in front of the 3 year old child!?!?!?!"
    At least you spoke to him harshly outside! Not that he deserved it after such carnage!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  15. #15
    Elite Member KandyKorn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honey View Post
    Cute and funny. My dog loves to stretch out on my bed and I get whatever room is left.
    Same with my dog! If 'His Highness' doesn't have enough room, he pushes on my back with all four paws to try and move me!
    I'm not quite drunk enough to really care, but is this her violation of her violation of her violation of her violation of probation or her violation of her violation of her violation of her probation????? ~MontanaMama on LL's latest arrest.

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