Would you choose your pet over mate?

[moomies]

dear prudence: Advice on manners and morals.

Kitty Litter
Is my girlfriend's cat wrecking my marriage hopes, or does she just refuse to move on?
Posted Thursday, June 29, 2006, at 6:23 AM ET

Dear Prudie,
I can't believe I'm actually in this ridiculous situation. I am in my late 30s, dating a wonderful woman the same age. We've known each other for seven years, been best friends for five, and have dated for two of those. Why the wait? My girlfriend is a widow. She married her high-school sweetheart when she was 21 and he died in an accident less than a year later. Understandably, she has been hesitant to move forward with any commitment to another guy. I decided a long time ago that I wanted to marry this awesome woman, but I have been sensitive to her need to move slowly. I have tried to show her that I respect her love for her deceased husband and her slight sense of guilt in "moving on." When I finally thought the time was right, I asked her to marry me. She said that she wasn't quite ready and she wanted to hold off on marriage plans until her cat died. (Strange as it sounds, I felt it was a reasonable request since she and her husband got this cat together when they were married.) This cat, Pumpkin, was 16 when we made the agreement and seemed to be on his last legs. Prudie, that was almost three years ago. I hate to pressure my girlfriend to break our agreement, but this cat is a freak of nature that is ruining my chance at happiness! What to do?

—Non-Cat Lover

Dear Non,
Believe me, Pumpkin, who is now the equivalent of 80 in human years, has long since moved on. Your girlfriend did suffer a terrible loss when she was young, but that was heading toward two decades ago. Either she is truly stuck and needs some counseling, or she doesn't really want to marry you but enjoys your company and stringing you along. I have the feeling that once Pumpkin turns into a pumpkin, your girlfriend may enter an extended period of mourning over him that leaves her unable to contemplate marriage. While Pumpkin might have nine lives, you have only one, and you have to get going with it. Tell her you need her to set the date now, or you'll have to look for someone with less emotionally complicated pets.

—Prudie

source:
http://www.slate.com/id/2144709/?GT1=8391

[burnt_toast]

The girlfriend definitely needs some counseling!

[sweetrebel]

When hubby and his ex wife separated, she kept the cat. When she met another guy, she called one day to have hubby come pick the cat up. The new guy was terrified of this cat! I don't know if he (the cat) didn't like the new man in the house and was giving him hell, or if the new guy just didn't like cats! But she told hubby he was afraid of him.
We had the cat for a few months and when we moved we let his mom take care of him because we had a no pet lease, she let him out and he got ran over...hubby was terribly upset about that...

[SVZ]

if my dog doesn't like whoever it is, it's usually a sign!

[KD]

I personally wouldn't choose a pet over my SO. I have met many a wonderful animal and very few good men!

[Tati]

Well, the only pet I've ever had (my dad was horribly allergic) was acquired with my SO. If I had a beloved pet and there was a new guy in the picture who had an issue with it, I can't see that guy staying a part of my life.

The chick in this letter just sounds messed up, though.

[teforde23]

TORI Spelling is a well-known animal lover and has donated her time and money to various animal rescue operations in the past - but her new hubby, Dean McDermott, has his claws out for some of her pets. A spy says that while McDermott is fine with Tori's three dogs - a pug, Mimi LaRue, and two mutts, Ferris and Chiquita - and the pair of hamsters she bought for McDermott's son, he absolutely hates her cats. "He is trying to get Tori to get rid of her two 10-year-old cats," our source said. Spelling gave away one feline when she married her first husband, Charlie Shanian, two years ago. But now she may dump the other two, as well. A rep for Spelling insisted, "She is not giving away any of her animals." Meanwhile, sources say, Spelling considered blowing off the Emmys Sunday because of her fight with mom, Candy Spelling. She showed because of the tribute to her late father, Aaron, but told pals: "My hatred towards my mother is hard to control . . . she has a vendetta against me." Meanwhile, Candy has told Tori "repeatedly" that she "wants nothing to do with [Tori] or your lifestyle."http://www.nypost.com/gossip/pagesix/pagesix_u.htm

After reading this story about Tori I asked myself this question and I would definately pic my cats over a boyfriend (a husband would just have to deal with it). I've had one cat since it was 2 months (it's now 3 yrs)and I've also had my other cat for about 2 years now. I can't imagine parting with them, they're like my kids. Who would you guys choose?

[macabre]

I would choose my pets any day of the week.

[yanna]

My boyfriend is allergic and I'm just glad it's not really an issue for us since we don't live together (yet) and if we do move in together my dad will keep the cat. It will suck not being able to have a cat with the boyfriend but pets are too much of a responsibility and we both work way too much. He wanted to get a dog and I'm not too fond of dogs but if he gets one I'll be supporting. So far I've been reminding him that he works very long hours and maybe it wouldn't be the best for the animal.

I don't think pet lovers should ever be put in a position to choose between their pet and their boyfriend or girlfriend. Esp. if it's not a case of the other person being allergic or something like that. It's a horrible sacrifice to ask another person to make.

[Sleuth]

My fiance (recently engaged - WOOHOO!!) are at odds because he dislikes my pet rat Gidget and he has a facination with snakes and wants to get one. But we've chosen to compromise he has learnt to tolerate Gidget (like accept that i have her sitting on my neck and i've told him that if he gets a snake its under the condition that its not wandering around the house or in my face (im terrified of snakes ) And if it eats Gidget, i will feed his snake to the family of kookaburras living outside.

I would never give her up for anyone!!

[silver024]

sleuth congrats on the engagement!!! hehe i wouldnt want a snake around either with that cute rat!! god forbid your man forgets to feed the snake!!

this is a hard question...i dont think i could give my animals up..any man that i am with has to be an animal lover, or hes not for me..i couldnt imagine my life without any animals

i think the girlfriend definitely needs some kind of counseling..losing a husband or SO is just a tad different then losing an animal..i can understand her being upset over the cat...but it seems to me she doesnt really want to marry the guy or she would have said yes no matter what

[Grimmlok]

The guy in that story is a complete moron. Omg. I'm embarrassed for my gender because of him.

[Elise]

Originally Posted by SVZ

if my dog doesn't like whoever it is, it's usually a sign!

I completely agree w/ you. I knew my bf was a keeper when he bonded so easily w/ my cat.

[Sleuth]

Originally Posted by silver024

sleuth congrats on the engagement!!! hehe i wouldnt want a snake around either with that cute rat!! god forbid your man forgets to feed the snake!!

this is a hard question...i dont think i could give my animals up..any man that i am with has to be an animal lover, or hes not for me..i couldnt imagine my life without any animals

i think the girlfriend definitely needs some kind of counseling..losing a husband or SO is just a tad different then losing an animal..i can understand her being upset over the cat...but it seems to me she doesnt really want to marry the guy or she would have said yes no matter what

Thanks Mate

[crumpet]

It's a non-issue. I would never get involved with someone who wasn't willing to accept that I will always have a household of various pets. Someone with allergies or any other issue with it wouldn't be the right man for me no matter how great he seems otherwise.