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Thread: Cattempted Murder!

  1. #1
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    Default Cattempted Murder!

    Wednesday, April 4th 2012
    Hot Slut Of The Day!




    Aqua, the (allegedly) maniacal pussy who (allegedly) tried to viciously murder his owner in her own Manhattan apartment! Aqua (seen here making a "Don't tase me, bro!" face or a violent handjob face) was caught by the police and his rampage against humanity was put to an end after he attacked his owner Marta Hevia as she came out of the bathroom. Marta says that Aqua bit at her knee and clawed at her arm. Marta called it "cattempted murder," and every other cat owner calls it a "Monday."

    Marta bravely tells The New York Daily News that her 2-year-old tuxedo tabby jumped at her and was obviously trying to kill her ass. Marta called 911 (because that's what you do when a cat acts like a cat) and when the police arrived, that hot bitch Aqua wasn't about to be taken in by the man, so he jumped through a glass window pane like the bad ass gangsta pussy he is. Sadly, the cops caught Aqua and threw him into the chokey aka a cat carrier from Petco. Marta has an idea for why Aqua came at her, “He’s neutered, but he’s always after (my other cat) because she’s in heat. Maybe it was my perfume. Maybe he didn’t like it. I don’t know .”

    Or maybe he's finally getting back at your ass for naming him Aqua and I know you didn't name him after the greatest musical group of all time.

    I'm not going to hate on Marta for not knowing that you can easily subdue a pussy by tying a sock around its body or distract it with something shiny, but I will hate on her for accusing Aqua of murder. Cats aren't that obvious about their murder attempts. They are shifty bitches who will wait until you're asleep. Then they'll chew the phone wires, sit on your chest and lick your eyelids shut with their saliva while slowly siphoning the life out of you through your mouth. Or they will patiently wait until you give them a bath and claw at your wrists to make it look like a suicide. Aqua wasn't trying to claw a heffa to death. Aqua's regular catnip dealer accidentally cut his shit with the wrong stuff. That's what happened.

    With all that said: FREE AQUA!!!!!!!!!!

    I freaking love Michael K.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  2. #2
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    BWAHAHA that's hilarious and this bitch doesn't need to own cats lol
    nancydrew likes this.
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  3. #3
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Ok, when I was young I worked in a pet shop (fish, reptiles and such). There was a cat that lived on property. One day I was playing with him and we were running around chasing each other when all of a sudden he lunged and grabbed me at the throat. I pushed him off of me and ran to the bathroom with him in pursuit. I slammed the door shut and he was sticking his paws under the door to get at me. When I looked in the mirror I had blood running down my neck. I was so freaking scared.
    The owners boyfriend drove up soon after and "saved" me. Now I am an avid animal lover and not at all afraid of most of them, but that cat freaked me out.
    They ended up finding a rubber band wrapped around his paw really tight, so we think that was what set him off.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  4. #4
    Elite Member shedevilang's Avatar
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    You put the rubber band on him and snapped it didn't you lmao
    Silly bitches, twitchy links are NOT for kids!-Mel

  5. #5
    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    No I swear! It was this little evil bastard that thought he knew everything about african cichlids.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

  6. #6
    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    OMFG I love African Cichlids!
    Posted from my iPhone
    KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

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