Woman sues over reunion with child she gave up for adoption after being raped

[burnt_toast]

Originally Posted by greysfang

What other documents would a birth parent's name be on other than the birth certificate and adoption records? I can't think of any, so that's pretty much tantamount to unsealing records without consent. Please give us all the dirt so we can counsel girls in trouble correctly, because if people are being told to expect privacy when that's a lie, people need to know before they go through with putting an unwanted child up for adoption.

The medical records of the birth were the first thing that popped into my head. At birth there are the mother's medical records and the child's. Officially the child's medical records should be available to the child at their request. I'm not sure what would legall be required to modify the medical records to remove the mother's name.

[greysfang]

I would think that the records of the delivery would be part of the adoption record and would be "sealed".

[sputnik]

so i guess the only way a birth mother can guarantee she will remain anonymous is to be in a place with a safe haven law and abandon her child at a fire station or hospital or something.
that sucks.

and it is nothing like agreeing to marry your child off when he is a minor. he/she is simply having information withheld. and really, that's just the way it goes when you're a minor or a child - adults make decisions that will affect you all the time. that's life.

[Aella]

Originally Posted by sluce

Actually, birthparents have never been promised their identify would never be known. In some states they were told the original birth cert would be sealed and not released. However, the names of the birth parents exists on many other documents that are not sealed. Once an adoptee knows where to look the identity is right there - legally.

I also ask you to consider the fact that an agreement was made that will impact the adoptees life without their consent. The adoptive parents and birthparents may make a deal but the adoptee was not given a voice and they are the party most impacted. It as if you are saying that when a person is pregnant they can sign a contract with another adult stating that their child will have to marry the other person. The child has no say but would be expected to be bound by the agreement made by the adults before their birth. Would that be fair? Adoption is supposed to be based on the best interest of the child - not the adults.

That analogy doesn't work. I'm not familiar with the US legal system-do they forbid abusive/excessive clauses (I hope I'm translating the term right)? Because a contract forcing someone to enter into a contract/legal state in adulthood would fall under that. This is not about forcing the adult adoptee to alter his situation, it's merely protecting the info of the birth mother.

And while I sympathise would the plight of adoptees searching for their birth parents, I think the birthmother's right to privacy is more important. When you give up a child for adoption you sever all claims/connection to it, why wouldn't the opposite be true? I think this is a terribly difficult enough decision for women and girls without the system deciding to pull the rug from under them.

[burnt_toast]

Originally Posted by greysfang

I would think that the records of the delivery would be part of the adoption record and would be "sealed".

quick google seems to indicate that varies a bit from state to state ... but in most cases you are right.

[Aella]

Originally Posted by sputnik

so i guess the only way a birth mother can guarantee she will remain anonymous is to be in a place with a safe haven law and abandon her child at a fire station or hospital or something.
that sucks.

and it is nothing like agreeing to marry your child off when he is a minor. he/she is simply having information withheld. and really, that's just the way it goes when you're a minor or a child - adults make decisions that will affect you all the time. that's life.

I didn't see your post before-very good point about the safe haven, it crossed my mind too.

[greysfang]

Or just have an abortion, obviously adoption is not a viable option if you never want anything to do with an unwanted child, according to sluce.

[sluce]

Medical records are held in other places, not just with the adoption record. There are also many other records that are cross filed and if you have the right info you can get everything you need. It is done everyday.

[crumpet]

[quote=sputnik;1788582]so i guess the only way a birth mother can guarantee she will remain anonymous is to be in a place with a safe haven law and abandon her child at a fire station or hospital or something.
that sucks.

and it is nothing like agreeing to marry your child off when he is a minor. he/she is simply having information withheld. and really, that's just the way it goes when you're a minor or a child - adults make decisions that will affect you all the time. that's life.[/quote]

That's exactly right! Nobody gets a child's consent to be born in the first place do they? Adults have more rights than kids for good reason: we also have more responsibilities.

[MrsMarsters]

This is silly...it is unfortunate for the child, but as rude as it sounds get over it...the woman does not want anything to do with her..why force a relationship with someone that does not want you? Does she have a good relationship with her parents the child/adult?
Shit like this is why there will be less people putting children up for adoption....and to think I was thinking about giving away a few eggs..why now? There is always a chance that someone may grow up and want to have a relationship like this woman does...sorry just think the daughter is pretty selfish..sure she wants to know who she is but I feel it is like this..if I was adopted those people are her parents..forget who the hell ever gave me up.

[MontanaMama]

Originally Posted by sluce

I also ask you to consider the fact that an agreement was made that will impact the adoptees life without their consent. The adoptive parents and birthparents may make a deal but the adoptee was not given a voice and they are the party most impacted. It as if you are saying that when a person is pregnant they can sign a contract with another adult stating that their child will have to marry the other person. The child has no say but would be expected to be bound by the agreement made by the adults before their birth. Would that be fair? Adoption is supposed to be based on the best interest of the child - not the adults.

That's the fact of every birth. An agreement between the father & mother without consent of the child. Sluce, your passion is impressive and your goals are nobel, but your view is myopic and totally ignores the rights of the birth parents.

[Tati]

Well, I can add that as an adoptee, if I knew my birth mother did not want to be found or contacted by me, then that would be the end of it. For one, I'd understand and respect her choice, and two, why would I want to meet her if she didn't want to meet me? I don't even know that I do want to meet her - I'm certainly taking my time with it at any rate, and that's with knowing her last name.

As it stands, I'm not a terribly sentimental person and when I do entertain the thought of meeting my birth mom (or dad) tears and hugs and sentiment don't enter into it at all. I just can't imagine feeling that way about a total stranger. I'm an extremely curious person, though, and what does intrigue me is the thought of seeing a resemblance or learning about other similarities or shared traits.

The interest kind of ends there, though. I already have two parents, I don't want or need any more. And my curiosity certainly shouldn't be enough to trump her right to privacy.

[Kittylady]

I'm not an adoptee, but I do have one biological parent who has been absent from my life since I was born, and if he turned up on my doorstep then I definately wouldn't be impressed at all and would not want to pursue a relationship with them on any level. Love (or even liking) cannot be forced upon someone, even if you do have a direct genetic link.

[Linne]

So I wonder if the daughter is stalking her birth father as well? There might be some medical records she might need or something?

[czb]

Originally Posted by MrsMarsters

This is silly...it is unfortunate for the child, but as rude as it sounds get over it...the woman does not want anything to do with her..why force a relationship with someone that does not want you? Does she have a good relationship with her parents the child/adult?
Shit like this is why there will be less people putting children up for adoption....and to think I was thinking about giving away a few eggs..why now? There is always a chance that someone may grow up and want to have a relationship like this woman does...sorry just think the daughter is pretty selfish..sure she wants to know who she is but I feel it is like this..if I was adopted those people are her parents..forget who the hell ever gave me up.

i think donor eggs are different than adopted human babies. the identity of the donor is only available on the contract between the donor, the agency, and the people buying the eggs. sluce can correct me if i'm wrong.

i understand now that most domestic adoptions are open which has different rules. but if this adoption happened years ago, i still don't understand why the mother's right to privacy was not respected. don't get it.