US woman adopts boy from Russia, then sends him back: 'I don't want him anymore'

[Novice]

That's the part that really pisses me off: she lied to him about what was going on, he travels alone, is met by a stranger and then finds out what's going on. Cold-blooded as hell. And I still maintain this family needs to be checked. Why would this kid mention being dragged by his hair if it didn't happen?

I'm sure officials in Tennesee will investigate.

Sadly this happens more often than people think, even here in the US. The adopted kids from Russia, Romania and the Ukraine have a history of attachment disorder. That is common knowledge and anyone who wants to adopt should be doing their own advance work to fully understand what they are getting into. Here in the US, when adopting an older child from the foster care system you can ask to review their entire file. You should know the details of the childs past; why are they no longer with their parents, are there other members of the bio family who may want to continue a relationship, how many foster homes/schools have they been in, what has the counselor stated from visits, etc. To fully love and parent these children you must know what they have survived so far in life.

Yeah, thats true - how can you help if you don't know what they're dealing with - incidently, adoptive parents in the UK do NOT get told what when down.... They're expected to just deal with it.

Russia furious over adopted boy sent back from US
Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov called the actions by the grandmother "the last straw" in a string of U.S. adoptions gone wrong, including three in which Russian children had died in the U.S.

Surely that is three to many?

In Tennessee, authorities were investigating the adoptive mother, Torry Hansen, 33.

Good!

Any possible freeze could affect hundreds of American families. Last year, nearly 1,600 Russian children were adopted in the United States.

That would be a real shame for the remaining 1596 families & children that might be going to good homes.

"This child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues," the letter said. "I was lied to and misled by the Russian Orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability and other issues. ...

"After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child."

The boy was adopted in September from the town of Partizansk in Russia's Far East.

Yeah, but he's not a fucking dog that you can send back to the pound because you change your mind. He's a child, a person. Idiot.

Nancy Hansen said a social worker checked on the boy in January and reported to Russian authorities that there were no problems. But after that, the grandmother said incidents of hitting, kicking, spitting began to escalate, along with threats.

"He drew a picture of our house burning down and he'll tell anybody that he's going to burn our house down with us in it," she told The Associated Press in a phone interview. "It got to be where you feared for your safety. It was terrible."

Seriously, I'd threaten to burn her house down with her in it if she'd dragged me around by the hair too!

Nancy Hansen said she and her daughter went to Russia together to adopt the boy, and she believes information about his behavioral problems was withheld from her daughter.


"The Russian orphanage officials completed lied to her because they wanted to get rid of him," Nancy Hansen said.

so she did no research on adopting children from different countries? Who had been legally removed from their parents? Does this bitch not even know how to use google?

She said the boy was very skinny when they picked him up, and he told them he had been beaten with a broom handle at the orphanage.

Warning sign? Did she just ignore it?

The U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Beyrle, said he was "deeply shocked by the news" and "very angry that any family would act so callously toward a child that they had legally adopted."

At least he's got some balls.

Rob Johnson, a spokesman for the Tennessee Department of Children's Services, said the agency is looking into Friday's allegations, although it does not handle international adoptions.
Bedford County Sheriff Randall Boyce also said Torry Hansen was under investigation and expected to interview her Friday afternoon.

So who does handle the adoptions? A private agency? Did they not investigate this women & check her thoroughly?

Lavrov said his ministry would recommend that the U.S. and Russia hammer out an agreement before any new adoptions are allowed.
"We have taken the decision ... to suggest a freeze on any adoptions to American families until Russia and the USA sign an international agreement" on the conditions for adoptions, Lavrov said.

He said the U.S. had refused to negotiate such an accord in the past but "the recent event was the last straw."

In 2006, Peggy Sue Hilt of Manassas, Virginia, was sentenced to 25 years in prison after being convicted of fatally beating a 2-year-old girl adopted from Siberia months earlier.

In 2008, Kimberly Emelyantsev of Tooele, Utah, was sentenced to 15 years after pleading guilty to killing a Russian infant in her care. And in March of this year, prosecutors in Pennsylvania met with a Russian diplomats to discuss how to handle the case of a couple accused of killing their 7-year-old adopted Russian son at their home near the town of Dillsburg.

Thats 3 too many.

of course the damn nationalistic russians are taking it as a personal insult and lumping all adoptions together because one of them went horribly wrong. even though a great majority of them go well and on the whole adoptive parents are probably a hell of a lot less crazy than bio parents - they have to pass tests and meet certain standards before being given a kid, whereas any idiot with functioning genitals can pop out a kidlet and keep it. so yeah, sometimes adoptions go bad but i'd like to see what percentage of adoptions ends in this type of situation. i am willing to bet it's a tiny percentage. a way smaller percentage than cases of bio parents giving up their kids or abusing them.

When one adopts an older child one should realistically expect that child to have at the very least issues with attachment. Any adoptive parent that doesn't realise that is unrealistic & hasn't done any research on adoption.

I understand why the Russians want an agreement between them & a country that has issues with adopted children, hell, animals are exported with more than is currently available & these are human beings that we're talking about.

They're saying that 1600 Russian/US adoptions, I assume per year? Surely three child deaths out of that is 3 too many?

So what I'm saying is that the kid wasn't necessarily a psycho, he may have just been thrown into a really bad situation and reacted as anyone would in a similar situation. The 'mother' is a cockhead and should be investigated. I am really disturbed by the dragging by the hair part of the story. And the fact that neither kid went to school.

Thats twice you've mentioned that. Its all spooky to me, I bet she's a fundemental christian too.
Since he was beaten in the orphanage (and maybe brutalised?), obviously his life with his bio-mom wasn't great & then he gets this kind of adopted parent? Is there any wonder that he reacts like this? A lot of violent behaviour is learnt... from guardians or parents or parent's boyfriends/girlfriends, etc.... I for one am totally unsurprised at his behaviour & contrary to some beliefs, beating a kid isn't going to make his stop its just going to teach him that it hurts & to get a punch in first.

[Novice]

Maybe the boy is better off going back to Russia. I've heard of quite a few cases where adopting parents just aren't able to cope with children who have emotional issues. Some of these kids have RAD (reactive attachment disorder) which can mean years of constant therapy. There have been a few case where the children have actually been murdered because the parents have snapped or they turn to quacky therapists advising dangerous techniques. Here's some cases:

What's the harm in Attachment Therapy?

So? The adoptive mother can't use google? I've been warned by a youth worker that no matter how short a time the adoptive kids have been in care that the majority will have issues with abandoment, etc. Not to mention damage from what they went through previously.

Oh bloody hell. You take a kid from a foreign country and then act surprised that he's flipping out because of a language barrier? At 7 years old? He's not a baby that doesn't have established speech. He's already got that. I hate this woman for doing this. I, an avowed pacifist, would beat her ass down for no money at all. I would smack her round about the face and neck for doing this to a little kid. Fucking bitch from hell. I don't care what her lame-assed excuse is. She is rotten and awful and truly callous. I can not believe anyone could do something this cruel. Investigate the family and throw her sorryass in jail, where I hope she is beaten down severely.

I guess I'm with Butt on this one. No sympathy for the mother, at all.

I'd take him in a flash. I'd love to adopt but the waiting list here is seven years and incredibly expensive so we can't afford it.

Where do you want to adopt from? In our area the "waiting list" is about 18 months to go through the whole process, and thats for a UK child. Not a foreign national.

[Baby Face]

Poor baby - most kids of that age are very fearful (afraid of the dark, monsters, what have you) - I can't even imagine how scared he was. It just breaks my heart. So many other things I am feeling right now but, can't seem to put them in words!!!

[bellini]

So? The adoptive mother can't use google? I've been warned by a youth worker that no matter how short a time the adoptive kids have been in care that the majority will have issues with abandoment, etc. Not to mention damage from what they went through previously.

I guess I'm with Butt on this one. No sympathy for the mother, at all.

Where are you getting that I have sympathy for the mother? I have no sympathy for her. She handled the situation abysmally.

She was ill-equipped to deal with a child with emotional issues, which is why I wrote that maybe he was better off going back to Russia. Or he might have ended up like the children in the link I posted, adopted by people who didn't know how to use Google.

[Novice]

Where are you getting that I have sympathy for the mother? I have no sympathy for her. She handled the situation abysmally.

She was ill-equipped to deal with a child with emotional issues, which is why I wrote that maybe he was better off going back to Russia. Or he might have ended up like the children in the link I posted, adopted by people who didn't know how to use Google.

Where did I post that I thought that you had sympathy for the mother? Hum?? No, I didn't. You're reading 2+2 & making 5.
I merely shared that dissassociation is VERY common & as a prospective adoptor have already been warned about it.

[bellini]

I merely shared that dissassociation is VERY common & as a prospective adoptor have already been warned about it.

I was merely sharing that perhaps in the long run, if this woman could not handle it, better he go back to Russia and have another chance with another family. Rather than it escalate into abuse or death. We don't know if she was warned of the potential issues or not. But in the end she handled it very poorly.

ETA: My bad on the quoting. I read your post incorrectly.

[Novice]

I think that he's better off away from this woman - as maybe is her bio-son. I don't agree that he's better off in a Russian orphanage. *shudder* No, never.

[bellini]

I think that he's better off away from this woman - as maybe is her bio-son. I don't agree that he's better off in a Russian orphanage. *shudder* No, never.

It might be a toss up there. Some of the stories of the parents who couldn't handle these kids, what they did to them, are really horrifying. But you're right about the conditions of the orphanages in Russia, from what I've read, they're appalling.

I hope this little boy manages to have a happy ending.

[McJag]

This was just on NBC news. The adoptive mother-if you can call her that-was actually 34. According to her mother, the boy drew pictures of their house on fire with them inside,frequently saying he wanted them all dead. Then you have to ask-there is all sorts of help she could have sought out. Doesn't look like she did anything put shove him on a plane. The callousness of it all is chilling. There were so many other things she could have done. a lot if decent people and orpans are going to pay a heavy price for her decision.

[Icepik]

Anyone ever see the movie Orphan?? Maybe the kid was like that!

[Just Kill Me]

Damn Novice that was some serious multiquoting!

[bellini]

Anyone ever see the movie Orphan?? Maybe the kid was like that!

I did not expect the twist at all. Very creepy movie.

[Pippin69]

What confuses and infuriates me is she had the phone numbers and contact info of the adoption agency. I have no idea how someone legally annuls an adoption, but for heavens sake, not by shipping the kid back to Russia alone to meet a stranger from the internet! No matter how many issues the child might have, the adoptive mother's issues are far worse. She's the adult, she went through the proper channels to get him, but she's too heartless and cowardly to go through the proper channels when she had problems.

[ikmccall]

A 7 year old boy on a 10 hour flight alone and not knowing why. Lovely.

[stella blue]

Oh the poor baby! I'll take him!!!!!!

No shit. I don't even like kids and I'd take him. I do it with animals all the time, one of these days I'm going to end up bringing some sad little kid home.