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Thread: Rapists can seek parental rights

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeadDwarf View Post
    I would have an abortion as well, but yeah, I am not going to judge someone who keeps their baby conceived from rape....

    I also don't think that the baby is some evil seed because the father was a rapist. I am sure there are plenty of women that were raped and had the baby and loved it, raised it well and ended up bringing great people into this world despite how they were conceived.
    Yep. I have a dear friend who was a "rape baby". She was adopted and raised by a wonderful family, and became close to her birth mother as an adult.

    I would never presume to tell someone what to do in a situation like that. I'm pretty sure I know what I would do, but I can't even be sure of that without experiencing it so it's definitely not any of my business (or anyone else's) to judge or influence someone else's decision.

    Quote Originally Posted by McJag View Post
    Her father was a rapist, but her mother allowed this to happen just as much.
    Wait, what?
    Last edited by Tati; August 23rd, 2012 at 01:41 PM.

  2. #32
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    I think she was meaning the kid bearing the stigma of rape-baby. Even if mom chose to have the baby, she didn't have to tell the kid (and the world) that the reason he/she exists is because of a rape. I can imagine how that would fuck with a kid. If my dad was never in the picture and I started to wonder, this would be one of the worst things imaginable to hear.

    Yes, I also know someone who was the product of a rape. And a deadbeat mom, at that. And she turned out to be a great person. To her credit, she knows and yet it hasn't turned her into some anti-abortion activist (I've seen some "I was a rape baby" adults who go down this road). This still doesn't change how I feel if this were to happen to me. Even though I don't understand it, I'm not gonna bash anyone who would choose to go through with the pregnancy. But I don't agree with telling the kid. The person I know would have preferred it if she'd never found out.
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  3. #33
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarzy View Post
    Just because the father was a rapist it doesn't mean the baby would be born bad. There's bad seeds in lots of families, it doesn't mean they're all the same.

    I'd take the morning after pill but I don't think I could ever have an abortion. But luckily I've never been in that situation, so who knows.

    I do know someone who had her rapist's baby and everything turned out as ok as it could in such a situation.

    But rapists having parental rights? That's absolutely absurd.
    Of course not, but in MY case (which is the only one I really know) it would have been born hated by me. That is not healthy,to say the least. I would never bring it to term, but again: that is just me.
    Quote Originally Posted by stella blue View Post
    Wait, what?
    Yes. She made her choice but the baby doesn't have to ever know,or at least publicly, certainly not the rapist! Now everyone and his brother will know what should have been her business alone. That creep has no rights. Her child will never escape this now which is tragic.
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDark View Post
    I think she was meaning the kid bearing the stigma of rape-baby. Even if mom chose to have the baby, she didn't have to tell the kid (and the world) that the reason he/she exists is because of a rape. I can imagine how that would fuck with a kid. If my dad was never in the picture and I started to wonder, this would be one of the worst things imaginable to hear.
    OK, that makes more sense.

    I'm not going to judge her for that either. She's on a crusade and is using her personal story to push for change. Yes, I imagine it can make things awkward for a child, but the truth tends to come out eventually anyway and I don't have a problem with the mother being honest about what happened. (I wouldn't have a problem with her keeping it secret either - different strokes.)
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  5. #35
    Super Moderator Tati's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsDark View Post
    If my dad was never in the picture and I started to wonder, this would be one of the worst things imaginable to hear.
    I have wondered. My birth mother was 13 when she got pregnant with me. I mean, it definitely could have been consensual, but it does make me wonder.

    If it were me, it would be the morning-after pill and an abortion if that didn't take. I was wondering, though, what is the law re: a mother simply not naming a father?
    If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

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  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by stella blue View Post
    OK, that makes more sense.

    I'm not going to judge her for that either. She's on a crusade and is using her personal story to push for change. Yes, I imagine it can make things awkward for a child, but the truth tends to come out eventually anyway and I don't have a problem with the mother being honest about what happened. (I wouldn't have a problem with her keeping it secret either - different strokes.)
    You are right - the truth often does come out eventually and how it is revealed can make all the difference to how a child views themselves and their place in the world for a long time to come. Family secrets have a nasty habit of being thrown into the open by someone with an agenda of their own to fulfil so if it was something with the potential to be as devastating as this is then I'd definately be in favour of it being known, worked through and accepted from as early as possible. Getting it dropped on you as a teenager by someone using it to wound or degrade you - shit gets messy.
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  7. #37
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    WOW! Your birth mother was 13?! That poor girl. I hope everything worked out well with her and with you.
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  8. #38
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tati View Post
    I have wondered. My birth mother was 13 when she got pregnant with me. I mean, it definitely could have been consensual, but it does make me wonder.
    More like the father was 14!
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  9. #39
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    Back in the early 40s my great aunt was raped by the local school master who was renting a room in her house. She had no choice, but to carry and give birth to the baby. And sadly, because her husband had been killed during the war, she was avoided and gossiped about all around town. So things like that use to happen a lot.

  10. #40
    Elite Member MmeVertigina's Avatar
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    You know, this article plus all of the talk about "illegitimate" rapes etc. lately...it just really makes no sense to me from a political standpoint. Instead of stripping women of their rights, including the right to have and raise a child away from a sex offender, they should focus on tougher penalties and punishments for rapists and also dead-beat fathers--it's not easy to have and raise a child/ren when you have no financial/emotional support and cannot depend on child services to help you out. They rarely do their job correctly. As a mother I find it deeply offensive that men think they have any right to step in and slap a label of ethics and morals over my reproductive system.

  11. #41
    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MmeVertigina View Post
    You know, this article plus all of the talk about "illegitimate" rapes etc. lately...it just really makes no sense to me from a political standpoint. Instead of stripping women of their rights, including the right to have and raise a child away from a sex offender, they should focus on tougher penalties and punishments for rapists and also dead-beat fathers--it's not easy to have and raise a child/ren when you have no financial/emotional support and cannot depend on child services to help you out. They rarely do their job correctly. As a mother I find it deeply offensive that men think they have any right to step in and slap a label of ethics and morals over my reproductive system.
    I mostly agree with you, but deadbeat dads are not all cut from the same cloth. Someone close to me was tricked by his girlfriend. She stopped taking birth control pills and also poked holes in condoms (he insisted on 2 combined methods because he did not want children and they were also not in a financial position to have any). But she was determined to have her way and by the time he caught her poking the holes, she had been doing it for a while and, it turned out, was already knocked up. She refused to have an abortion and they split up. But he is now compelled to pay child support for a child he did not agree to, does not want, and tried his best to prevent. She plays the victim role and whines about him dumping her, calls him irresponsible, etc. IMO, she is the one who should be punished, not him. I don't feel sorry for her at all, but I do feel sorry for him and the kid.
    'I had to get rid of the kid. The cat was allergic.'

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by ConstanceSpry View Post
    I mostly agree with you, but deadbeat dads are not all cut from the same cloth. Someone close to me was tricked by his girlfriend. She stopped taking birth control pills and also poked holes in condoms (he insisted on 2 combined methods because he did not want children and they were also not in a financial position to have any). But she was determined to have her way and by the time he caught her poking the holes, she had been doing it for a while and, it turned out, was already knocked up. She refused to have an abortion and they split up. But he is now compelled to pay child support for a child he did not agree to, does not want, and tried his best to prevent. She plays the victim role and whines about him dumping her, calls him irresponsible, etc. IMO, she is the one who should be punished, not him. I don't feel sorry for her at all, but I do feel sorry for him and the kid.

    He can sign away his parental rights though, if the court will agree. I have been through so much of this, enough to know the courts are also very difficult to deal with. It took me years to come out on top. I'm sorry for your friend!

    My point was they focus on taking away reproductive rights of women, but give such limited (or invasive) options to those who choose to raise babies that were not conceived in ideal circumstances.

  13. #43
    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    ^^He is not the custodial parent, so he would still be responsible to pay child support until the child is 18, even if he signed his rights away. He has refused any contact anyway, so he is not taking advantage of any rights.
    'I had to get rid of the kid. The cat was allergic.'

  14. #44
    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    There's always a risk of pregnancy, no matter how much protection you use. If you don't want to make babies, don't have sex, otherwise it's all moot. Whether she pokes holes or the condom just slips, there's a chance every single time so unless she's tying him up and extracting semen he should know it's always possible and be prepared for the consequences. Or keep it in his pants.
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  15. #45
    Elite Member ConstanceSpry's Avatar
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    ^^I disagree. In a normal relationship, you discuss things with your partner and don't deliberately go against what you both decided. And you don't try to trap the other person. The only mistake he made was to trust someone who was deceitful and not trustworthy.
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    'I had to get rid of the kid. The cat was allergic.'

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