California high school student gang-raped outside dance

[msdeb]

I'm so glad they got them! fucking bastards!

[L1049]

Just to preface, I'm incredibly awkward when I try to type something like this so please, just bear with me

To the people sharing their stories I can't even begin to fathom what it would be like to go through something horrific. You are just incredibly brave.

[msdeb]

Originally Posted by L1049

Just to preface, I'm incredibly awkward when I try to type something like this so please, just bear with me

To the people sharing their stories I can't even begin to fathom what it would be like to go through something horrific. You are just incredibly brave.

You couldn't have said it any better

[DeadDwarf]

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

My best friend was raped when she was 14 by a guy who was a friend of a friend. She kept it a secret and never reported it because she just wanted to forget about it (in retrospect she wishes she did press charges). She had been drinking so she felt like she brought it on herself and didn't want people to know and judge her. About a month later she broke down and told me what happened, it was very similar to Shinola's rape. Only my friend was aware enough to fight and scream, but the guy was weight lifter and held her down (she was only 100 lbs). I just remember crying when she told me, like I should have protected her or been there for her when it happened. I felt horrible and I hadn't been victimized so I couldn't even imagine the pain she had felt.

About 2 years later we were walking in the video store and she spotted him, freaked out and we had to run out of the store so he wouldn't see her. She just cried hysterically and was shaking in fear, it was really traumatic.

I swear, if someone raped my daughter I would fucking kill him. You have to be one fucked up human being to rape someone.

[Honey]

Shinola and MsDeb

[misrule]

This is just horrific. I am actually sickened. That poor girl...And those bastards who watched it happen and did nothing!!!

The fact that there are so many posters here who have been through something so horrendous is scary, and it's incredibly courageous to speak up and share something like this - we have some remarkable women online at GR, and your stories always, even though they can sadden me and make me despair for the world at times, remind me of the strength of character of humanity.

Sadly, there seem to be many young men who think this is actually acceptable. I'm not 'anti porn', but there seems to be so many videos nowadays where women are degraded, choked, abused and used, and this seems to be the status quo, and it has to be an influence - I hear young guys talking all the time about this sort of shit and - sadly - young girls competing and tallying how many guys they got off over the weekend. It's skewed - I don't really know if I'm making any sense, but it seems like there is a darker undercurrent to things that is much more aggressive and becoming more acceptable, when no girl should ever have to be put into that situation just to pleasure another. It's not consensual BDSM, it's about humilliation. Capturing it on videophone and posting it online.
I don't know, it just makes my skin crawl.

[Chilly Willy]

We all know the stats, there is empiric evidence that this happens often. But to hear all the posters on here tell their story is still shocking. Hugs to you, girls.

[Wiseguy]

Shinola and MsDeb - thank you for sharing. It reinforces how awful rape is and how disgusting a crime it is. Sending big hugs your way.

[McJag]

Originally Posted by Wiseguy

Shinola and MsDeb - thank you for sharing. It reinforces how awful rape is and how disgusting a crime it is. Sending big hugs your way.

Yes-I think you made it very clear,Msdeb, why a woman wouldn't scream. I am so proud of you! You lived and beat him later. You are a Hero. Shinola, your beau was a heel and I am glad you found him out.

[katerpillar]

Shinola, MsDeb - you're both amazing women.

I'm constantly being horrified by the men who would commit evil crimes like this... but also taking heart from the men I see who are utterly disgusted by such stories. A friend of mine was telling me a fortnight ago about some student-organised scavenger hunt at her uni, in which one of the items on the list was a girl's bra - the girl said no way, so a bunch of the guys in the hunt held her down and ripped her bra off! Needless to say the club which organised that is now banned. Anyway, as she was telling me this story, a male colleague of hers (who is the same age as us) who was listening to the conversation kept shaking his head in outrage.

I know many, good men who loathe those who would harm women. I've had lovely male friends and even just casual acquaintances go out of their way by waiting with me until my lift appears so that I'm not waiting by the side of the road at dark on my own, or stand between me and some drunk troublemaker in a bar. Those little acts of protective chivalry make me proud of the young guys I know. However, society in general - sadly, that includes women as much as men - needs a lot of re-educating before the victim blaming and acceptance of sexual assault will cease.

Fortunately, every son who is taught to respect women and look out for people in trouble is one more ray of light in the darkness.

[Kittylady]

MsDeb, much love to you too - and to everyone who has been through something similar. You survived, that is what counts.

To scream or not to scream... When I was just 18 (and very shy and lacking in confidence because of the way I looked) I was at a party at a social club for a relatives wedding anniversary. Someone I knew from school was there and was drunk as hell and started saying they were going to puke so I helped him outside. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him off, so he got rough and I had quite a fight on my hands to keep him at bay. I know that it was only because he was drunk and I was completely sober that it didn't go much worse for me. I got a few bruises, a real crack to the back of the head and a scare but nothing worse. I didn't scream for what I now know was the stupidest of reasons - I didn't want to spoil my relatives party and I didn't want people blaming me and saying I should have known better than to go outside with him or to be called a slut. I didn't say anything for several years, but when I finally told my cousin she said exactly what I feared would be said, that it was my fault for going outside with him, and what did I expect? Well, I expected to stop him puking all over my relatives anniversary party and upsetting them and making a fool of himself. So as much as we need to instill in our sons that the need to respect women and go against the crowd to uphold those principals, we also need to teach our daughters that bad things DO happen to good girls and that being attacked is NEVER the victim's fault. The blame lies entirely with the beast who thinks he has the right to lay hands on someone who is not conscious, willing or accepting of it.

[yanna]

What Kitty said! So true! Parents need to educate both their sons and daughters about these things. I'm also impressed sometimes at how guys are willing to help. I was fooling around with my boyfriend one time in a club and I think it looked kinda rough from someone on the outside. We were both pretty wasted. He's a big guy. I was floored when this guy who was half my boyfriend's size and weight tried to help me out, thinking I was in trouble. Such a sweet kid!

[t13nif]

Wow. I came to this thread after hearing the latest charges, which included rape with a foreign object. I hear these stories and i utterly despair for humanity. It seems an impossible task to eliminate this disgusting form of violence. Yes, we can teach our children respect but the loser assholes who appear on shows like Jerry Springer---do they really care about teaching their kids right from wrong? It seems the good ones aren't breeding enough, and the bad ones won't stop.

Thank you for those who told their stories. There are soo many more, on this board and in the real world, who haven't. I too am an acquaintance rape survivor ( i try not to use the word victim). Some guys got me drunk, i passed out and woke up with one of them raping me. I didn't scream because he had his hand over my mouth and i was very out of it. For a loooong time i blamed myself, and when the rapist started bragging to everyone in school about how he had deflowered me, i was called a slut, and told that it was my fault for getting drunk. The rapist was my boyfriend's best friend, and my bf refused to take sides.

Six years later i finally called the police and reported it, for my own healing. He was arrested but not charged, as the only people there that night said they hadn't seen anything (my gf saw me crying and bleeding in the bathroom but she "didn't remember that") and it became a "his word against my word" case.
Many years later, my rapist apologized to me and i forgave him. But nothing will ever change the fact that it happened and that he took the one thing that i wanted to save for someone i loved.

[crumpet]

Originally Posted by t13nif

Wow. I came to this thread after hearing the latest charges, which included rape with a foreign object. I hear these stories and i utterly despair for humanity. It seems an impossible task to eliminate this disgusting form of violence. Yes, we can teach our children respect but the loser assholes who appear on shows like Jerry Springer---do they really care about teaching their kids right from wrong? It seems the good ones aren't breeding enough, and the bad ones won't stop.

Thank you for those who told their stories. There are soo many more, on this board and in the real world, who haven't. I too am an acquaintance rape survivor ( i try not to use the word victim). Some guys got me drunk, i passed out and woke up with one of them raping me. I didn't scream because he had his hand over my mouth and i was very out of it. For a loooong time i blamed myself, and when the rapist started bragging to everyone in school about how he had deflowered me, i was called a slut, and told that it was my fault for getting drunk. The rapist was my boyfriend's best friend, and my bf refused to take sides.

Six years later i finally called the police and reported it, for my own healing. He was arrested but not charged, as the only people there that night said they hadn't seen anything (my gf saw me crying and bleeding in the bathroom but she "didn't remember that") and it became a "his word against my word" case.
Many years later, my rapist apologized to me and i forgave him. But nothing will ever change the fact that it happened and that he took the one thing that i wanted to save for someone i loved.

God, what a sad story in so many ways. What is it about sexual assaults that seem to engender this unique form of victim blaming and cultural denial? I suspect it's also why crimes that target women in particular always have more of the victim-blaming aspect. I know sexual assaults predate the Puritans, but this puritanical obsession with any acts that involve genitals as being inherently dirty or evil has a lot to do with it,too. But many cultures that never had the Puritans still have this woman shaming sytem that never seems to let up. Throw in a good dose of woman hating and you have a recipe for exactly this and it SUCKS. I swear, the next time I hear a women say "I'm not a feminist" I'll quickly tell them to turn in their voter registration card, tear up their high school or college diploma, destroy their driver's license, close any bank accounts they have in their name, stop taking birth control, and quit their fucking jobs. Maybe then I'll take them seriously. This type of violence against females and all the victim blaming garbage that comes with it (including double standards about sex) are all the proof anyone needs that people's minds have not yet caught up with the laws on the books. And I hate hate hate women who just buy into all the myths and are too fucking stupid to recognize what they are doing to other women and potentially to themselves.

I am glad for you that you got closure, at least in some form. Yet it disturbs me that a woman's virginity has been fetishized to the point that one of the bad parts about being raped is that it diminishes your future sexual encounters with someone you love because the absence of this virginal state of being is like eating cake with the icing wiped off.

Bless all of y'all.

[t13nif]

Originally Posted by crumpet

I am glad for you that you got closure, at least in some form. Yet it disturbs me that a woman's virginity has been fetishized to the point that one of the bad parts about being raped is that it diminishes your future sexual encounters with someone you love because the absence of this virginal state of being is like eating cake with the icing wiped off.

Bless all of y'all.

Yeah, i agree. In my case, i had an idealized view of losing my virginity and was in no hurry to do so. I was 17 1/2 when this happened (virtually ancient, lol). It was personal for me, not about what anyone else thought (or that my value would increase with guys since i was a virgin).

There are just so many ramifications from one act. For years i had to be extremely intoxicated to have sex--i couldn't fathom doing it sober. I acted out and became promiscuous and put myself in a lot of dangerous situations. I caught a permanent STD at the age of 21. I don't trust men (i'm working on it) and in a really base way, i still think the only thing i am good for is sex .