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Thread: A bad person's obituary?

  1. #1
    Elite Member mrs.v's Avatar
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    Default A bad person's obituary?

    My Obit Is Going To Read Exactly Like This One




    This touching and eloquent obit showed up in the Times-Herald Napa/Sonoma paper. It's already been removed from the papers website, but I'm going to choose to believe that this is a real obit. It's just too amazing to be fake.
    I'm sure that when I'm finally strapped into the jet plane to hell, my family will just copy and paste this shit as my obit.
    Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby. She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.
    Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
    Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.
    There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.
    Oh Dolores! Your family might have hated you, but I love you and we've never even met! Seriously, Dolores and I are cut from the same bitch cloth.

    VIA SFist



    My Obit Is Going To Read Exactly Like This One | Dlisted
    eat a hot bowl of dicks.

  2. #2
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    What a wasted life. Her family bore the brunt of it,you could tell. It would be funny if not for the trail of destruction she obviously left behind.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member Quazar's Avatar
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    Wow. I wonder what she really did.

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I oppose the paper yanking the obit. I'm a big fan of truth, and it really gets my goat when people try to talk about how loved and missed some mean old bastard will be. Tell the freakin' truth, God knows it anyway.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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    Elite Member Beeyotch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    I oppose the paper yanking the obit. I'm a big fan of truth, and it really gets my goat when people try to talk about how loved and missed some mean old bastard will be. Tell the freakin' truth, God knows it anyway.
    Amen, pun intended. Really, I thought it was the only right thing to do to tell the truth. There wasn't even any real animosity in it, no petty details and if she was horrible enough to warrant that kind of obit, I'm sure there are much worse things that could have been said. The truth isn't always pretty, but there was genuine closure in the obit, and I have to respect that.

  6. #6
    Elite Member msdeb's Avatar
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    thats great! post it on Craigslist as the 'best of' LOL
    Basic rule of Gossip Rocks: Don't be a dick.Tati
    Lighten Up Francis WCG

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    Elite Member lisalucy69's Avatar
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    What a sad waste of life. It seems she had no joy in her life, nor did she create any joy. Such a shame that her family sufferred because of her miserableness.

  8. #8
    Elite Member LynnieD's Avatar
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    Geez......

    What a miserable human she must have been.

    Need to make sure I am not that person...

  9. #9
    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    This is how I define hell for my son: "If you were a bad person in life, that is the only mark you will leave on the world for all eternity."

    Suffice it to say, this is the type of person I think of when different religions speak of evil and hell.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

  10. #10
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    I think it was horrible. Maybe it was her family that made her life hell. Even if they did hate her, that should be kept private. Really. They just sunk lower than she was during her life by putting that in the paper.

  11. #11
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darksithbunny View Post
    I think it was horrible. Maybe it was her family that made her life hell. Even if they did hate her, that should be kept private. Really. They just sunk lower than she was during her life by putting that in the paper.
    I disagree. That could have been my Mother In Law. I wish to hell we had had that much nerve. She deserved the very worst.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

  12. #12
    Elite Member DeadDwarf's Avatar
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    For all we know she could have been a selfish bitch who beat her children and drank all day.

    Now, how the hell do you write a nice obituary about someone like that? Who cares if they are dead, why can't we speak the truth even when it's shitty.

    If my mother died today, I would refuse to write an obit saying she was a good person and will be missed. If I had to write one then I would say the truth: she was a bitter and selfish mother and a crappy human.

    I feel for this family. They are lucky to finally be rid of such a miserable person. Some of us can only hope for that day.

  13. #13
    Elite Member darksithbunny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DeadDwarf View Post
    For all we know she could have been a selfish bitch who beat her children and drank all day.

    Now, how the hell do you write a nice obituary about someone like that? Who cares if they are dead, why can't we speak the truth even when it's shitty.

    If my mother died today, I would refuse to write an obit saying she was a good person and will be missed. If I had to write one then I would say the truth: she was a bitter and selfish mother and a crappy human.

    I feel for this family. They are lucky to finally be rid of such a miserable person. Some of us can only hope for that day.
    And your refusal would be better than to write one that was just as bitter as the woman who you write it about. I say why get down in the mud with her? Rise above that and be the better person. The worst thing would be to remember them in anyway. If they were that terrible, then let it pass and not mark the occasion at all. IMO that would be the ultimate fuck you.

  14. #14
    Elite Member january's Avatar
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    I agree, don't go to the funeral, don't write an obituary, cut the strings - but why ever publish something so private? It IS possible that this woman did have some people that liked her. I just think its an awful thing to tarnish her reputation, even if at the end of the day, it IS deserved. After all, this woman cannot even defend herself to the general public!!! This woman says she speaks for the MAJORITY of the family - well, what about the rest? Some things are better left unsaid, I just think this is so trashy. This is a matter of public record now, when it should be a private family affair. And we really don't have ANY details to go off of, maybe this woman didn't leave her greedy family anything in the will and they turned on her like a pack of wolves. I've seen things like this happen. Anything is possible - but really, this is just terrible.
    Women ain't gonna let a thing like sense fuck up their argument. - Chris Rock

  15. #15
    KD
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    I tell you, I am torn. I have an abusive mother. She is not a nice person. She is working on her 4th divorce, her brothers don't speak to her and she is VERY lucky I do. She is an alcoholic and a vindictive, manipulative person with very few redeeming qualities. I could go on and on, but I won't. I love her, don't get me wrong, but I do not like her.

    Her obit would read, if pressed to be nice:

    She was a wonderful cook and she had pretty feet.

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