50 Shades of Grey sex scenes 'are like crimes of Fred West', says women's refuge boss

[Mr. Authority]

How the fuck is willingly taking part in light kinkery (wasn't a word but it is now bitches!) in any way shape or form like what Fred West did?

Pulling out a woman's tampon and throwing it in the toilet sounds like something Fred West would do, just saying.

[Kittylady]

There are books that are so much worse (as far as content) than this piece of shit.

But how many are being forced down our throats in a big publicity blitz like this one? I know that there are much, much worse books out there but this is being touted as mainstream hot property.

The publicity of the book is unfortunate, however this women works with DV sufferers who have obviously read the book & see parallels in it.
A lot of posts have written about how abusive this book is & how it's "acceptable" in society.
The parallel she draws is extreme, but, yes, Fred AND ROSEMARY West were abusive; and that is where some DV ends.


I think that I'm trying to say that I see the point that she is making and can understand the parallel.

I can understand where she is coming from as well, although I think she used the most extreme of examples. What pisses me off about this book, even more than how badly written it seems, is that it is part of a growing trend at the moment to show controlling and abusive relationships as sexy and the participants being examples of The Greatest Romantic Loves EVAH! As much as I loathe Wuthering Heights and it's very early example of destructive and obessive love by the end of the book love and the beginning of happiness only comes after the two lunatics have successfully destroyed themselves. In FSOG the end message seems to be that staying with and loving a controlling and abusive arsehole will lead to him seeing the error of his ways and being a perfect and loving partner. How many people have ended up dead by thinking that if they only stay with someone and show them endless love and devotion in the face of physical and mental abuse it will somehow 'cure' their abuser and they'll live happily ever after with roses around the fucking door? FFS, it's a classic hook by an abuser to present themselves as someone who has been repeatedly hurt and damaged by someone in their life and hinting that their latest victim, I mean partner could be the one to save them and show them that love can conquer all and restore their faith in humanity. Oh, hello there Christian "it's all my whore mother's fault that I'm like this" Grey...

[MmeVertigina]

[QUOTE=Kittylady;2806562]But how many are being forced down our throats in a big publicity blitz like this one? I know that there are much, much worse books out there but this is being touted as mainstream hot property.



QUOTE]


See, I missed any publicity on this. I do believe that it was marketed in a genius way, but not sure how it all started, I only heard about it through friends. It seems to fill some void for married women over 30. It is written so poorly that I could not enjoy reading it even if the content was any good. I don't necessarily agree with burning or banning a book that I think is in poor taste. I am sorry for those women who buy into the fantasy/abuse in this book, but I hope they are intelligent enough to know that it is intended as fiction.

[Kathie_Moffett]

I am not a fan of being hurt or abused during sex and that is one of the reasons why I will never read 50 shades of Grey. I think she has valid points & while I do understand that there are some people who like/enjoy the S&M lifestyle, this book glamorizes it and some men will overdo it & expect "light kinkery" from the women they date. I am finding that society at large glorifies whatever is in at the moment & it gets on my nerves. What ever happened to expecting to be treated like a beloved one without abuse/power struggles.

The publicity of the book is unfortunate, however this women works with DV sufferers who have obviously read the book & see parallels in it.
A lot of posts have written about how abusive this book is & how it's "acceptable" in society.
The parallel she draws is extreme, but, yes, Fred AND ROSEMARY West were abusive; and that is where some DV ends.


I think that I'm trying to say that I see the point that she is making and can understand the parallel.

But how many are being forced down our throats in a big publicity blitz like this one? I know that there are much, much worse books out there but this is being touted as mainstream hot property.



I can understand where she is coming from as well, although I think she used the most extreme of examples. What pisses me off about this book, even more than how badly written it seems, is that it is part of a growing trend at the moment to show controlling and abusive relationships as sexy and the participants being examples of The Greatest Romantic Loves EVAH! As much as I loathe Wuthering Heights and it's very early example of destructive and obessive love by the end of the book love and the beginning of happiness only comes after the two lunatics have successfully destroyed themselves. In FSOG the end message seems to be that staying with and loving a controlling and abusive arsehole will lead to him seeing the error of his ways and being a perfect and loving partner. How many people have ended up dead by thinking that if they only stay with someone and show them endless love and devotion in the face of physical and mental abuse it will somehow 'cure' their abuser and they'll live happily ever after with roses around the fucking door? FFS, it's a classic hook by an abuser to present themselves as someone who has been repeatedly hurt and damaged by someone in their life and hinting that their latest victim, I mean partner could be the one to save them and show them that love can conquer all and restore their faith in humanity. Oh, hello there Christian "it's all my whore mother's fault that I'm like this" Grey...

Totally agree with all of you. This isn't a subject that should be "popularized" in an irresponsible, ignorant, trendy, glamorized way--which is what it sounds like this book is trying to do. Yeah I'm not into book-burning either but I totally 'get' this protest.

I may be biased, though. I am curious (and generally open-minded) about pretty much everything, so at some point I read a great deal about S&M. I had a very strong, instinctive negative reaction that I never could overcome. I still believe that consenting adults may do as they please--as long as it is CONSENTING--and yeah, the 'safe word' concept is great. But as with everything in life, proceed with caution. In this case, there is, I think, but a fairly thin line separating harmlessly pleasurable activities from a dark and nasty world.

What Kittylady said, especially--what prompted a recent repeat visit to learning about that world was some fanfic I came across a couple of years ago. Exactly what she described: subjugation, vicious sexism, physical abuse, and total humiliation and degradation thinly disguised as true wub between a damaged, creepy guy who supposedly has a (well-hidden) heart of gold, and his pathetic "slave". Right. I didn't buy it, and it creeped me out how many slobbering, breathily aroused female fans the story had. Gah.

I totally do not group that sort of shit with the few people I've actually known who simply got their jollies from a good spanking or a spot of bondage. There IS a line.

So anyway, yet another reason to say "fuck that stupid Shades of Gray book." Excellent.

[Kittylady]

There has been a growing trend amongst some fanfic writers to show an abusive relationship blossoming into twoo lub, even before FSOG hit the world of e-publishing. There are too many to count where the heroine is brutally raped (sometimes more than once during the same story) and then moves on to having earth shattering orgasms and an anytime, any place, any way sex life within a matter of days/weeks, even though it might have been the 'hero' who did the raping. Very often there are no warnings for dark content either - an author might warn you that the story contains 'lemons' and add a smiley wink and then hit an unsuspecting reader out of the left with a full on rape and sexualised torture scene. There are FF sites that specialise in carrying darker, more heavily sexualised stories and have very clear warnings about this but they don't get as much traffic as the mainstream sites and as the number of hits a story get is all that matters to some authors they continue to misrepresent their work and upload it to mainstream sites for unsuspecting readers who are looking for some light smut and fun. There have been some very fierce debates about the best way to combat this but so far noone has been able to come up with a workable solution.

As for real S&M lifestyles, very few extend beyond sexytimes and there most certainly isn't the kind of total physical, emotional and mental domination and disregard for the wellbeing and free will of the sub that features in FSOG. A good dom respects and cares about the safety and happiness of their sub and the sub themselves are the ones who hold the real power in the relationship. It's about mutual gratification, not subjugation and FSOG misses that out completely.

It makes me sad and more than a little concerned that young people in general and young women in particular are reading these romanticised versions of abusive relationships and being told that it is not only sexy and desireable but will lead on to a grand Happily Ever After. The media may want to present FSOG as being a 'steamy' book that is read by housewives of a certain age but it's original inspiration Twilight (which isn't exactly healthy in it's own portrayal of relationships) has a heavy teen following and that is the hook that leads them onto this drivel. I wish that they could understand the reality of a relationship with a Cullen/Grey type man without having to experience it themselves; it isn't sexy, it's soul destroying. You cannot heal someone like that with the power of your love and endless understanding. The only person who can make the change is the person themselves and the key factor for nine out of ten of these types is that they don't want to change.

[witchcurlgirl]

in fiction women have been falling in love with their rapists and abusers since people first wrote fiction, going all the way back to Pamela in the 1700's. tons of crap 'bodice ripper' romances have that plotline, it's where that term comes from. i don't like them, so i don't read them. everyone can exercise the same choice.

burning books leaves with with a bad taste in my mouth, regardless of motivation.

[MohandasKGanja]

As a guy, what I would like to read about is the family man who was almost unconscous when his wife, who had consumed several glasses of amazing riesling, roused him out of his slumber by revealing her incredibly-nubile-for-her-age physique, and then sequed into a mind-blowing tete a tete on the bathroom counter.

I mean, I LIVED it just two days ago, but I wouldn't mind having something like that in book form next to the bed.

[xXull]

uh, doesn't the main character leave the S/M relationship at the end of the book because she decides it's not her thing, anyway? How is this like a serial killer and his victims?

[WhateverLolaWants]

There's two more books. They apparently get married and have a baby.

[heart_leigh]

^ Two children. Yes, I admit I read the trilogy. lol!

[travelbug]

I guess the thing that bothers me most about this book and its depiction of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship going mainstream, is that it coincides with the crap going on in politics right now: "War on Women" or whatever you want to call it...men trying to define what is and isn't "rape", men trying to pass laws to force women to carry a rapist's baby to term, the attempt to define life as beginning at conception, which would outlaw Plan B and other birth control methods that prevent implantation, as well as Rush Limpballs' tirade on Sandra Fluke, calling her a slut over and over again.

The thing about 50 Shades of Grey is that although it may be consensual, it is apparent to me that this is a young naive woman being emotionally manipulated by a sociopath from the very beginning of the relationship, and this is being celebrated as being sexy and erotic. It is one thing if you are already in an equal relationship and you decide together that some S&M would spice things up, or if you met at a club or party where it was assumed that everyone there was into that, but (I didn't read the book) from what I heard, they meet at his office or somewhere like that and he immediately starts fucking with her mind.

I am disturbed by how women in America are being manipulated by propaganda and I consider this book to be written by some brain dead woman who has bought into the idea that a man having the upper hand is the norm.

[Kathie_Moffett]

[I'mNotBitter]

There's two more books. They apparently get married and have a baby.

Yes, because that's what *every* woman wants deep down in her heart, right? That'll kill the sex for you right there!