Funniest police blotter ever!

[UndercoverGator]

OKay, so we don't have a 'stupid criminals' thread but this would belong right in it. It's the local run down of crime in the Chattanooga area for a week and it's plenty weird and wacky. Behaving badly in the shadow of Lookout Mountain.

Police Blotter: Woman Charged In Fray At Little League Game
posted April 5, 2007

A woman is being charged in connection with an altercation at a Little League baseball game at the Lupton Drive fields.

Police said warrants for disorderly conduct and assault were being issued against Jennifer Travis.

Kathy Jo Barker said Ms. Travis got in a dispute with one of the coaches for the team ages 3-6. She said Ms. Travis "began shouting foul language toward the ballfield."

Ms. Barker said she told Ms. Travis to quit cussing around young children. She said Ms. Travis responded by cursing at her and then threw a drink at her.

She said the drink splashed on numerous people in the stands.

Ms. Barker said she shoved Ms. Travis "to get her away from me."

Numerous witnesses said Ms. Travis "cursed all the way to the parking lot."

Steve Curbel said he got off on the I-75 northbound exit to Hamilton Place Mall after realizing his right front tire was going flat.

He said a white male in his 20s drove up in an older blue pickup truck and asked if he needed help.

The man appeared to be reaching for a tire tool, but then went into his pocket and drew a black handgun. He demanded that Mr. Curbel hand over his wallet. He then drove off with the wallet.

Sarah Leach said she was driving south on Highway 153 when she was cut off by a man driving an older blue four-door pickup truck.

She said she blew her horn at the man, and he pulled behind her. She said she thought several times he was going to crash into her from behind.

Ms. Leach said she got off on random side streets, but the man kept following her. She said she finally made it to a Mr. Zip and ran inside.

She said the man circled the parking lot, stopped by her vehicle, then left.

Thieves cut open the back lot fence at a Verizon storage facility on East Main Street.

Copper wiring was stolen from two generators, and the generators were damaged in the process.

At Patten Towers, seven brass standpipe caps are missing.

Officials said they do not know how long they have been gone.

Remonda Bialark of an apartment on Cherwood Street said she heard a knock at the front door. She said she looked out a window and saw a black male with a gun.

She said she ran to the bathroom after telling her boyfriend, Tracy Beene.

The boyfriend opened the door and two black males, including one with a gun and wearing a red bandana over his face, forced their way inside. The man with the gun told the boyfriend to get on the floor while putting the gun to his face.

The gunman told him, "You're the man with the Cadillac." He replied he had not driven the Cadillac for several months.

The boyfriend was forced into the bathroom, then the intruders left.

A woman on Boynton Drive called police to say she had given money to an unknown black male to go buy some crack cocaine for her.

Police told the woman they "would not help her get her drugs or her money back."

Jesse J. Stoutemire said he and his girlfriend, Sandra Benton, argued about breaking up.

He said Ms. Benton became enraged and grabbed him by the testicles, "squeezing and twisting them" until he was able to get away.

He said Ms. Benton then came after him with two steak knives, cutting him on the arm.

The boyfriend said he went to sleep, then called police.

Ms. Benton is facing an aggravated assault charge.

Linda Ashworth said her boyfriend, Scott Schremp, took her out to a restaurant.

She said he left her at the restaurant and went to their residence to clean out his items.

Ms. Ashworth said when she got to the unit on Lee Highway she found most of the furniture and household items were gone.

The fish tank had been pushed over and broken. Her two fish were on the floor.

Warrants were taken against the boyfriend for domestic assault.

4/5/2007 - Police Blotter: Woman Charged In Fray At Little League Game - Breaking News - Chattanoogan.com

[pacific breeze]

Too funny. I used to read one that came out of California but I eventually got too depressed. There were so many abused children and abandoned animals in it. This is it: Arcata Eye :: The mildly objectionable weekly newspaper for Arcata, California

It is very funny in places and well written, though.

[Mira]

The Sheriff's Calls for the Point Reyes Light (in West Marin County, CA) used to be hysterical. They stopped doing it a year ago though. Too bad. Some of the stuff was classic. They stopped being published in Feb 2006 after someone bought the paper from the long-term owner. Here's a link to the archives (scroll down to the bottom of page): Point Reyes Light Sheriff's Calls

Whoops the old owner started a new newspaper and the current blotters are here
Bodega Bay Navigator Online

Thanks for starting this thread Gator! Maybe some other people will contribute from other areas of the country