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Thread: 6th Graders in Utah Learn How to Not Say No

  1. #1
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Default 6th Graders in Utah Learn How to Not Say No

    Utah mom upset after school tells 6th graders they can’t say no when asked to dance

    WEST HAVEN, Utah -- When Natalie Richard’s sixth-grade daughter told her she couldn’t say “no” if a boy asked her to dance at Kanesville Elementary’s Valentine’s Day dance, she didn’t believe it at first.
    “Oh no, no honey," Richard said of her reply. "You guys are misunderstanding again. That’s not how it is."
    However, after speaking to her daughter’s teacher, she realized the statement was accurate.
    “The teacher said she can’t. She has to say yes. She has to accept and I said, 'Excuse me,” Richard tells Fox 13.
    Richard took her concerns to the school principal.
    “He basically just said they’ve had this dance set up this way for a long time and they’ve never had any concern before,” she said of his response.
    Lane Findlay with the Weber School District confirms it’s a rule, but he said it’s meant to teach students how to be inclusive.
    “Please be respectful, be polite," Findlay said. "We want to promote kindness, and so we want you to say yes when someone asks you to dance."
    “I do see it from their perspective when it comes to that, but there are many other ways to teach children how to be accepting than with a social dance,” Richard counters.
    Richard says forcing students not to say no teaches them the wrong lesson.
    “Sends a bad message to girls that girls have to say 'yes'; sends a bad message to boys that girls can’t say 'no,'" Richard said.
    Prior to the dance, which is voluntary, students are told to fill out a card by selecting five people they want to dance with. The administration says if there’s someone on the card you feel uncomfortable with, the student is encouraged to speak up.
    “If there is an issue, if there’s students that are uncomfortable or have a problem with another student, I mean: that’s certainly something that can be addressed with that student and parents,” Findlay said.
    However, Richard says rejection is part of life and at the end of the day, this policy is sending impressionable children the wrong message.
    “Psychologically, my daughter keeps coming to me and saying I can’t say 'no' to a boy," she said. "That’s the message kids are getting."
    One of the concerns that Richard addressed with the principal at Kanesville Elementary is that parents weren’t aware of this policy. She recommended he send out a permission slip, detailing the instructions given to students, and he agreed. As of now, the rule remains in place.

    Utah mom upset after school tells 6th graders they can?t say no when asked to dance | fox13now.com
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  2. #2
    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Geez. Forget about trying to return to the 1950s. Utah's ready to take it back to the 1850s.
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    Elite Member stella blue's Avatar
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    I read this yesterday. It made me literally queasy (and still does.)

    I wonder what would happen if a boy asked another little boy to dance - I mean, you aren't allowed to say no!
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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    When I was in 8th grade in Catholic school, they somehow got the idea that they were going to teach us to dance. In gym class, they literally taught us disco. Anyway, they had a couple of dances during school hours. I specifically remember dancing with Mary Lauren, who was built like Sophia Loren, and was super nice. And Donna, who actually disliked me because I got in a fistfight with a friend of hers. But it all bad feelings went away when we danced - I think that might have started my love of girls with glasses.

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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    They made us do the dancing in gym in public school too. We had to square dance with the boys during class. It was pretty fun. Disco would have been better. We also had to choreograph a modern dance number with another girl in the class. We looked so ridiculous. Still, it was fun.
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    Elite Member faithanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stella blue View Post
    I wonder what would happen if a boy asked another little boy to dance - I mean, you aren't allowed to say no!
    And why can't the girls ask the boys to dance? Oh right, because girls have to smile and look pretty and let the menfolk do the choosing.
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    Elite Member Moongirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faithanne View Post
    And why can't the girls ask the boys to dance? Oh right, because girls have to smile and look pretty and let the menfolk do the choosing.
    But not slutty, heaven forbid anyone shows their bare skin above the elbow or above the shin, tight?
    Kittylady likes this.

  8. #8
    Elite Member dolem's Avatar
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    Default School Tells Girls They Can't Say No at School Dance

    (CNN)Sometimes the best of intentions have unintended consequences.

    Kanesville Elementary School in Ogden, Utah, holds a sixth-grade dance on Valentine's Day each year. The dance is intended to promote inclusion and kindness, and students have traditionally been told by their teachers to say yes when a classmate asks them to dance.
    But times have changed, and some parents were angry when they got wind of the dance's protocol this year.


    Natalie Richard was shocked when her sixth-grade daughter told her she couldn't refuse a dance with a boy at the upcoming dance.
    "The teacher said she can't. She has to say yes. She has to accept and I said, 'Excuse me?,'" Richard told CNN affiliate KSTU.
    At a time when parents are teaching kids they don't need to hug a friend or even kiss their grandparents, there's been a movement toward children maintaining control of their own bodies.


    I don't own my child's body


    To many parents, not being able to turn down a dance partner goes against that.
    It "sends a bad message to girls that girls have to say 'yes' -- sends a bad message to boys that girls can't say 'no,'" Richard said.
    "Psychologically, my daughter keeps coming to me and saying I can't say 'no' to a boy. That's the message kids are getting."
    The Weber School District got the message, too. In a statement sent to CNN Monday night, community relations specialist Lane Findlay said the instructions for the dance have been changed.
    According to the statement, attendance at the dance has typically been "voluntary but encouraged." Students are asked to fill out a dance card with names of classmates they'd like to dance with. Half the dancer selections are the girl's choice and the other half are the boy's choice, and students can't dance with the same person more than once.

    Students are encouraged to write the names of classmates they'd like to dance with.




    But now students will be free to say no.
    "In the best interest of our students, we are re-examining the procedures surrounding these dances and will make any necessary changes to promote a positive environment where all students feel included and empowered in their choices," the statement said.
    "We have advised our schools to eliminate any sort of language in the instructions surrounding these dances that would suggest a student must dance with another student."
    The announcement will no doubt please some parents who had posted messages on Facebook criticizing the school's dance policy.
    "Respectfully decline to dance... Children should learn to say "no thanks" in uncomfortable situations," wrote one.
    "Girls should not have to feel obligated to say yes to anyone. Especially when it involves physical contact," wrote another. "I would rather keep my daughter home instead of making that environment acceptable."

    https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/13/health/utah-school-children-dance-trnd/index.html

    This whole thing bothers me. This school is teaching girls that they don't have the right to give consent. I'd be mad if my kid was forced to dance with a boy if she didn't want to. It's also teaching boys that consent doesn't matter. I don't know what they were thinking.

  9. #9
    Elite Member louiswinthorpe111's Avatar
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    Why are they having dates to a dance anyway in 6th grade? My school recently put a kabosh on the 5th grade dance, because girls were more worried about having "dates" and "dresses," like it's a mini prom. Administration didn't want to deal with all the drama. I get it.
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    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    I just can't believe this went on for a long time before someone called attention to it.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

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    Quote Originally Posted by MohandasKGanja View Post
    When I was in 8th grade in Catholic school, they somehow got the idea that they were going to teach us to dance. In gym class, they literally taught us disco. Anyway, they had a couple of dances during school hours. I specifically remember dancing with Mary Lauren, who was built like Sophia Loren, and was super nice. And Donna, who actually disliked me because I got in a fistfight with a friend of hers. But it all bad feelings went away when we danced - I think that might have started my love of girls with glasses.
    As a girl who wore glasses forever until Lasik, I think thats very sweet!
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  12. #12
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    This is ridiculous. They are too young to be having dances, imo. My kids didn't have dances in elementary school. If they must dance, then make it a group thang, like line dancing, or square dancing. Utah, you weirdo.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sprynkles View Post
    This is ridiculous. They are too young to be having dances, imo. My kids didn't have dances in elementary school. If they must dance, then make it a group thang, like line dancing, or square dancing. Utah, you weirdo.
    Unless it’s on TV, like the episode fromThe Cosby Show. All of the girls were taken, and Kenny had to dance with the teacher.
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    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Yeah when DarkJr was in 8th grade they had a dance for the 7th-8th graders. What it looked like to me when I dropped him off and lingered a few minutes was all boys standing on one side of the gym joking and hanging out with each other while the girls stood there in their makeup and heels looking like they were over it. While the chaperones danced.
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    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Those Jr High dances were brutal and pretty much just like that back in my day.

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