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Thread: Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart

  1. #1
    Elite Member Witchywoman's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    vat of chocolate

    Default Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart

    A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver.
    The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother.
    Robbins fled the scene and was apprehended at home hours later after police identified her license plates on the store's surveillance camera. Although many are shocked by the senseless violence, the alleged perpetrator is unrepentant.
    "Of course I'd do it all over again," Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. "My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.
    "Shopping isn't a hobby for me, it's a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what? I didn't punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I'm proud of that."

    X-Box Dead

    Today's incident of shopping violence comes on the heels of what experts are describing as the deadliest Black Friday weekend ever. All across the country people are dying at an increased pace. This year will drastically exceed last years death totals for this Holiday season.
    “The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving… and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday," said FBI Specialist Harry Carry.
    “We had six people trampled to death at the Best buy, four at the Bed Bath Beyond, and two fatal stabbings at Wal-Mart,” said Miami police spokesman Sgt. James Loftus.
    Inside a local Target, the crazed shoppers had lost what was rest of their minds. “We came outside and the Quiznos was burnt to the ground by angry shoppers. I think the Target had ran out of some kind of toaster,” said a shopper who wished not to be named because she was supposed to be bailing out her boyfriend who had punched another shopper over a set of soup ladles.
    A witness says an old lady beat a kid with her purse in order to get the last toothbrush holder.
    “I don’t even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35 percent off. I might be old but I’m not dumb, of course I will take advantage of that deal,” says 88-year-old Margaret Robinson.
    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.
    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.
    One shopper, Sami Zayn, described the day as "chaos" and went on to say, "Thanksgiving used to be about fighting with your family, not other shoppers."

    Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart - The Daily Currant

    This piece of shit will spend the rest of her life in prison, what an awful waste of space she is.

  2. #2
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    In the "D"


    This isn't from the "Onion"????
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  3. #3
    Elite Member Witchywoman's Avatar
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    It's satire, a hoax. Im done with reading. lol
    Brookie likes this.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brookie View Post
    This isn't from the "Onion"????
    Onion wannabe.

    42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

  5. #5
    Elite Member sprynkles's Avatar
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    Apr 2006
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    Black Friday Death Count


    Deaths Injuries
    2013 Shopper Pepper Sprayed, Arrested in Argument Over TV at New Jersey Walmart - 1
    2013 Thanksgiving Day bargain shoppers send 11 year-old to hospital - 2
    2013 Teen returning home from Black Friday shopping fell asleep at wheel, killed in wreck 1 4
    2013 Man Stabbed During Black Friday Event at Carlsbad Mall - 1
    2013 Newport, Arkansas Walmart employee injured during Black Friday sales - 1
    2013 Scenes of chaos during chain store's Black Friday sales in Northern Ireland - 1
    2013 Several injured in Black Friday-related shooting outside Kohl's in Illinois - 2
    2013 Black Friday: Virginia Man Stabbed In Walmart Parking Lot Over Space - 1
    2013 Rialto Walmart brawl sends one police officer to hospital - 1
    2013 Shopper carrying TV home from Target shot in Las Vegas - 1
    2012 Father charged in crash that killed daughters after Black Friday shopping 2 5
    2012 Two People Shot at Tallahassee Walmart Over Parking Space - 2
    2012 Black Friday Shoppers Hit By Suspected Drunk Driver In Walmart Parking Lot - 2
    2011 Girl trampled in Black Friday Wal-Mart rush - 1
    2011 Black Friday Worker Rescued From Canal After Losing Control Of Car Due To Exhaustion - 1
    2011 Black Friday: Target Shoppers Step Over Walter Vance As He Collapses, Dies 1 -
    2011 Fights break out at Rome Walmart during Black Friday shopping - 2
    2011 Woman Wounded in South Carolina Black Friday Robbery Attempt - 1
    2011 Off-duty police pepper spray North Carolina shoppers - 20
    2011 Shooting outside California Walmart, 1 wounded - 1
    2011 Los Angeles area Black Friday pepper-spray attack at Walmart injures 20 - 20
    2010 Transwoman assaulted at Kohl's Department Store in Jackson, TN - 1
    2010 Former Marine stabbed in Best Buy store by violent customer - 1
    2009 Clarksville Woman Trampled During Black Friday Shopping - 1
    2008 Southern California Toys 'R' Us Shooting Leaves Two Dead 2 2
    2008 Worker dies at Long Island Wal-Mart after being trampled in Black Friday stampede 1 4
    2006 10 Injured in Southern California Black Friday Mall Stampede - 10
    2006 Salt Lake Tribune, The : Red-hot on Black Friday‎ - 1
    Corrections, Comments:

    Meryl doesn't even try anymore. She just calls Lanvin and asks for curtains with a belt.~Bitter
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  6. #6
    Elite Member dolem's Avatar
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    Jul 2006


    Gosh, I read that thinking it was real at first. Because you know something like that is bound to happen sooner or later. This is exactly why I enjoy my Thanksgiving with my family and I stay out of all stores on Friday. I have no desire to be caught in a crazy crowd fighting over towels or something else.

  7. #7
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    Oct 2005


    I refuse to leave the house on Black Friday, and if I have to go somewhere, I don't go within a 10 mile radius of the mall. Black Friday drives seemingly normal people batshit insane, on many different levels. Fuck that shit, I'll stay inside and order my gifts off the internet and have them shipped to me.
    I'mNotBitter likes this.

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