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Thread: Why the Devil loves anal

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Default Why the Devil loves anal

    Thursday, January 3rd 2013
    Why The Devil Loves Anal By Former Gay Porn Star Joseph Sciambra



    Joseph Sciambra is a former "gay porn star" and I put that in quotes, because I'd like to think I've seen a lot of gay porn and I've never seen Joseph Sciambra before. I guess he'd have to bend over and wiggle his stitched up sphincter for me to recognize him. Joseph used to be a butt sex-loving porn star and his ass canal was a birthing slide for demon entities, but now he's a Christian and speaks out against the dark-sidedness of ass sex on his website (which is a treasure in itself).
    While sitting in what looks like the gift shop at The Holy Land Experience, Joseph tells us that butt holes were not designed to eat penises (Side note to Joseph: Try telling that to my b-hole.) and he believe he birthed out a demon through his ass. I don't think that was a demon. I think it was a lube-covered raisin, which looks and smells like a sadistic demon, so it's an easy mistake. Stuart Smalley's fashion icon then says that butt birthing out Rosemary's baby's twin fucked up his anus so bad that he had to get his sphincter stitched shut.
    I know some of you are probably thinking that the doctor should've stitched up the sphincter on his face instead of the sphincter on his ass, but I disagree. Some of what comes out of his mouth is gold:
    "Jenna Jameson never did anal onscreen."
    "Anal sex creates a doorway into the demonic supernatural."
    "Anal has become the first kiss."
    I just want to buy a bunch of sphincter-shaped pillows and stitch (pun intended) those phrases onto every single one of them. And this does explain why every time I get ready to have butt sex, my piece hisses in horror, throws holy water at my ass and makes the sign of the cross while running out the door.
    via Towleroad

    Posted by: Michael K
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    "Anal sex creates a doorway into the demonic supernatural."
    That is awesome.
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    i love how he says "it creates a doorway, literally"
    Waterslide likes this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    "Anal has become the first kiss."

    This is becoming my new sig.
    Just Kill Me, nancydrew and levitt like this.
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    gives a whole new meaning to 'do you kiss on the first date?'
    Just Kill Me likes this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    No ifs, ands or butts...
    *groan*
    (BITTER dodges GR spitballs)
    Good luck getting a cat to do anything let alone join in on your sexcapades. - Air Quotes

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    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Mohandas you *need* to stop hacking people's accounts, poor Bitter would never say that!

    This is defo my fave news story I've read recently. Literally.
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    I say he is on to something!! We have all talked about the anal ghosts before...

    Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day

    Ghost hunting can be a real pain in the ass…
    Posted in Skepbitch by Skepdude on July 3, 2009

    Have you ever wondered when you should resume sex safely after ghost hunting? How can you exorcise a ghost that has possessed your womb? Or how can you remove a ghost from your rectum? (After you’ve finished with it, presumably.)

    Look no further! Maryanna Chatelaine Moresby has treated these common problems in her article Sex after ghost hunting – exorcisms of a womb or anal ghosts: And when is the right time to have sex afterwards?

    For today, let’s focus on “Anomalous Anal Ghost Phenomena”.

    According to Moresby, when a person dies, their physical body ceases to exist, although a “ghost body” remains, consisting of the “mind, intellect, ego and soul”. Sometimes, these ghost bodies seek refuge in a human host, entering via a vulnerable cavity. Generally, they prefer to enter through the woman’s, um, birth canal, or the man’s rectum. Moresby says that the ass is an “open portal” for spirits. Why enter through a boring old ear or a mouth when you can invade a genital orifice?

    Ghost hunting is to blame for this anal affliction:

    My husband was plagued with anal ghost 4 times since he started Ghost Hunting. We went to many doctors to find out what his problem was until a psychic from Japan told him what was going on.

    Your uninvited tenant may be the ghost of a loved one, an intimate stranger, or a dirty demon. But how do you know if your buttocks are haunted? Rectal ghost symptoms include severe constipation, diarrhea and flatulence. Moresby claims:

    I can certainly attest to this as it has happened to my husband on more then one occasion. And Felching out ghosts is usually a bigger fear and reality then one might think.

    Next time you suffer from these demonic digestive system symptoms, you might want to reach for your Priest, rather than your Pepto-Bismol.

    Colon Cleanse Products wull not help you if you have an anal or colon ghost!

    Laxatives won’t work either. The most effective method for removing a troublesome rectal ghost is to perform a magical enema.

    In some cultures spicy hot Enemas are said to chase a ghosts from a persons bowels in many cultures wine or beer enemas are used to get the ghost drunk so he will just fall out of the person and it then can be captured and put into a bottle or container for safe keeping. My husband keeps his in a pickle jar in the garage and has gotten several intriguing EVP’s from it.

    This is one tale that TAPS won’t touch. For more challenging guests, try a “blessed lubricant”.

    A quicker form of the dry enema ghost removal utilizes the injection of a small amount of water-based lubricant such as K-Y that is blessed and administered directly into the rectum via a non-hypodermic syringe, such as an oral syringe, or from some other source. My husband usually does this for 5 days after any ghost encounter he has as a precaution. The usual amount of blessed lubricant applied is about 2 tsp (10 cc), which will produce a movement in 30 minutes or less. The movement will be produced in a compact body, rather than in the more copious liquid form produced by a wet enema; and since no water is used, none will be retained higher up in the colon, to be expelled at a later, and possibly inconvenient, time.

    Is it just me, or is this one kinky couple?

    Anal Ghost Skepfeeds-The Best Skeptical blogs of the day
    shedevilang likes this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    Hahahahaha I'd forgotten all about the haunted assholes. Thanks, sluce!
    sluce and Just Kill Me like this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    It's nice to know that some KY, and a good shit, can purge the demons from your anus.
    Just Kill Me likes this.
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    fgg
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    i keep reading the thread title as "why shedevil loves anal" so i finally clicked. LOL!
    can't post pics because my computer's broken and i'm stupid

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    Elite Member sluce's Avatar
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    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    You don't engage with crazies. Because they're, you know, fucking crazy. - WitchCurlGirl

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    Elite Member WhateverLolaWants's Avatar
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    Well. I thought I couldn't read/hear anything more ridiculous today. I was wrong.
    ----------------------------
    There will be times you might leap before you look
    There'll be times you'll like the cover and that's precisely why you'll love the book
    Do it anyway

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    Elite Member Just Kill Me's Avatar
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    This entire thread had me snort laughing, fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    KILLING ME WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMNED HONEY!!!!!!!!!!

    Come on, let's have lots of drinks.

    Fuck you all, I'm going viral.

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    Elite Member Sojiita's Avatar
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    well this asshole(ha!) was born in 69(ha!) so I guess his porn career whatever it consisted of is in the quite distant past-I am sure he did not use his real name(they never do) and I don't remember/recognize him. He still flames with the white hot intensity of ten million supernovas though. I bet he still has a dildo and buttplug too. To need surgery after a year or two he must have been one hellaciously horny twisted ass freak too! lol

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