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Thread: ‘I Like the Way the Fur Feels’: One Man’s Impassioned Defense of Donkey-Rape

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    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default ‘I Like the Way the Fur Feels’: One Man’s Impassioned Defense of Donkey-Rape






    ‘I Like the Way the Fur Feels’: One Man’s Impassioned Defense of Donkey-Rape



    You guys. I am so, so sorry in advance about the information I am about to present to you. But, I mean, do you expect me to just process it alone? All by myself? What of the social contract!?!?

    Pleeeeeeeeease.

    Help.

    Me.

    Here we go: A 31-year-old farmhand by the name of Carlos Romero was arrested yesterday and charged with misdemeanor sexual activity with an animal, after a passerby spotted him in a compromising position with a miniature donkey. In other words, allegedly, Romero was standing... with his pants down... in the farm yard... MAKING SEXUAL LOVE TO A MINI-DONK.

    But what really makes this story stand out is Romero's unashamed confession, in which he expresses disbelief that anyone would have a problem with his grinding to completion upon the haunches of a small donkey. To wit:
    He began by saying that he "uses his fingers and saliva to clean the donkey's clitoris and check for wood shavings and debris," adding that he "gets aroused" by seeing an animal in heat.

    Romero reported that he "stands behind the donkey, scratches her withers and masturbates." He revealed that he "likes the way the fur feels on his testicles," and that his penis "may have come in contact with the donkey's vagina by accident and his semen may have splattered inside the donkey by accident."


    After recalling that he masturbated with the donkey "5 or 6 times," Romero "stated Florida is a backwards state and people frown on zoophilia here."
    :-|

    Ohhhhhh, okay, I see. So you weren't masturbating inside the donkey, you were just masturbating near the donkey using the donkey's genitals because you were aroused by the donkey and then some airborne droplets of your manly issue accidentally burrowed inside the donkey's vagina like so many angry hornets. That's completely different. My mistake.

    You know what? No. (I don't know why I'm bothering to argue against the defense of donquito-rape, BUT.) No part of my body has ever maybe "come in contact with a donkey's vagina by accident." And if you find yourself in a position where that sentence is not only logical, but it is a compelling defense against something much worse, then you are doing literally everything wrong. I mean, considering the situation and Romero's goggle-eyed mugshot, this is not a person with full cognitive function and I hope he receives some sort of drug and/or psychiatric treatment as soon as possible (yeah, right, Florida, I'm sure). But generally, people, pro tip: If you find yourself having to "check for wood shavings and debris" as part of your standard sexual procedure, just go ahead and assume that your sex life is not, let's say, average, and it MIGHT not be uptight, puritanical Florida (!?!?) that's the problem. Just a thought.

    Thank you. This has been Keep Your Penis Out of the Mini-Donk: A Very Special Jez-isode. If you need me I'll be over here using my saliva and fingers to clean debris off my soul.

    'I Like the Way the Fur Feels': One Man's Impassioned Defense of Donkey-Rape
    MsChiff and Callalily like this.
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    .JFC what a sick son of a bitch.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    "likes the way the fur feels on his testicles,"
    This is what all this shaving/waxing/lasering has done to the men of this country!!! They are resorting to desperate measures!

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    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    And its Florida FTW!
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Okay. Never mind!

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    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    "by accident". LOL

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

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    Elite Member Air Quotes's Avatar
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    That donkey is all, "Tell me about it.".
    "A true whore just loves her life." - Sluce

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    Elite Member SHELLEE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greysfang View Post
    And its Florida FTW!
    holly likes this.
    See, Whores, we are good for something. Love, Florida
    #fingersinthebootyassbitch

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    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
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    I think he should be put in the Lion exhibit at the zoo and see how much furry fun he has.
    Kat Scorp, Honey and dexter7 like this.
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

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    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
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    but he cleaned her clit, y'all. doesn't he get some points for being considerate with the lady?
    louiswinthorpe111 and holly like this.
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sputnik View Post
    but he cleaned her clit, y'all. doesn't he get some points for being considerate with the lady?
    He's definitely been reading his Cosmo issues.

    I can't get over how much that guy reminds me of Sean William Scott.

    holly likes this.

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    Elite Member BITTER's Avatar
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    The yogurt I just ate is rumbling in my tummy right now; I've no one to blame but myself...
    Good luck getting a cat to do anything let alone join in on your sexcapades. - Air Quotes

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    Elite Member gas_chick's Avatar
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    They need to throw this asshole in a pool of dolphins.
    I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

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    Elite Member Chilly Willy's Avatar
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    Poor donkey lady.
    holly likes this.
    Hello mother fucker! when you ask a question read also the answer instead of asking another question on an answer who already contain the answer of your next question!
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  15. #15
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gas_chick View Post
    They need to throw this asshole in a pool of dolphins.
    Furry dolphins?

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."

    -- Stephen Hawking

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