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Thread: Man Forced to Learn the Hard Way Not to Set Off Fireworks Inside His Own Ass

  1. #1
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
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    Default Man Forced to Learn the Hard Way Not to Set Off Fireworks Inside His Own Ass

    A 23-year-old is in hospital today after suffering extensive burns following an attempt to delight party-goers with the ol' "firecrackers between the butt cheeks" gag.

    The low-rent pyrotechnician, who aptly resides near Darwin, Australia, was reportedly intoxicated when he decided to shove a firework up his bum and light it.

    "What must of seemed to be a great idea at the time has backfired, resulting in the male receiving quite severe and very painful burns to his cheeks, back and private bits" said Senior Sergeant Garry Smith of the Northern Territory Police.

    The unidentified man rushed himself to the Royal Darwin Hospital before paramedics arrived on the scene. Authorities say he may require treatment at a specialist burns unit in Adelaide.

    In addition to the physical injuries he sustained, the man might also be required to pay a fine for handling fireworks after July 1st the only day Northern Territory residents can legally set them off.


    Man Forced to Learn the Hard Way Not to Set Off Fireworks Inside His Own Ass
    It's no longer a dog whistle, it's a fucking trombone


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  2. #2
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
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    I hope he burned his dick too bad to procreate. The world doesn't need him to be passing on his genes.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

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    Elite Member MohandasKGanja's Avatar
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    There once was a man from Down Under
    who made a pyrotechnical blunder
    he used his own glutes
    as a rocket launch chute
    and now as for balls, he has none-der
    Brookie, DAP, sprynkles and 5 others like this.

  4. #4
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    I love that he lives in Darwin.
    VeraGemini, MsChiff and Waterslide like this.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  5. #5
    Elite Member Brookie's Avatar
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    How did the ER personnel stop giggling long enough to treat him?
    Life is short. Break the Rules. Forgive Quickly. Kiss Slowly. Love Truly.
    Laugh Uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING that makes you smile.

    - Mark Twain

  6. #6
    Elite Member Waterslide's Avatar
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    Jackass!
    "AND WHEN YOU BECAME DENISE, I TOLD ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES, THOSE CLOWN COMICS, TO FIX THEIR HEARTS OR DIE."

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    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    lol mondaze

  8. #8
    Elite Member OrangeSlice's Avatar
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    Gives new meaning to the term firecrotch.
    "Schadenfreude, hard to spell, easy to feel." ~VenusinFauxFurs

    "Scoffing is one of my main hobbies!" ~Trixie

  9. #9
    Elite Member Jezi's Avatar
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    Charles does not approve.



    This man should get a Darwin Awards honorable mention.









    Hmmmm... I wonder if that Darwin hospital has a Darwin Ward?
    Serendipity likes this.

  10. #10
    Super Moderator twitchy2.0's Avatar
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    I like the colourful language in this report. (pictures at link. They wouldn't copy.)
    *
    Why I stuck a cracker up my clacker
    CONOR BYRNE **|**July 31st, 2012

    Alex: "I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few firecrackers... and I put one in my arse." No, we can't explain the snake. Picture: SUPPLIED

    FIRE IN THE HOLE: A spinning bee firework, similar to the type Mr Bowden inserted

    A MAN who suffered serious burns when friends lit a firecracker in his bum says he was just showing his visiting mates a Territory good time.

    Alex Bowden, 23, of Wagaman, Darwin, put a spinning "flying bee" winged firework in his butt crack during a party at a rented house on Rossiter St, Rapid Creek on Saturday night.

    His mate Todd Lovell lit the fuse.

    "I had a few lads up from Queensland and I had to put on a good show," he told the NT News from his hospital bed.

    "I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few firecrackers.

    "And I put one in my arse."

    Mr Bowden was wearing trousers at the time and took it standing up.

    "It didn't burn my balls or my back," the fitter and turner said. "Just my fingers and my arse. "It was a pretty loose one, hey."

    The cracker burned his bum cheeks, and his index, middle, and ring fingers on his right hand - which he used to pull the cracker from his crack.

    Mr Bowden was not bleeding after it and he could walk afterwards.

    His mate Reece McEwen said: "He screamed a little bit and there were a fair few f-words".

    But Mr Bowden denied that there were tears.

    "You can't sit here crying," he said.

    His sober mate then drove him to the Royal Darwin Hospital burns unit where he is expected to remain for a few days.

    He was in a stable condition last night.

    His only request was "a big shout-out to the boys in Dalby" - the Queensland town where he grew up.

    Mr Bowen said his mother "thought it was funny".

    "It's not as bad as everyone is saying," he said.

    The police confiscated the fireworks when they arrived at the house.

    But the party could expect a $282 fine from NT Police for setting off fireworks outside of Territory Day.
    Why I stuck a cracker up my clacker | News | NT News | Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | ntnews.com.au
    As Canadian as possible under the circumstances

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    "What's traitors, precious?" -- President Gollum

  11. #11
    Elite Member MsChiff's Avatar
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    a cracker up his clacker

  12. #12
    Elite Member Karistiona's Avatar
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    Ahhhahaha what an eejit! He sounds like a riot
    I smile because I have no idea what's going on

  13. #13
    Elite Member Novice's Avatar
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    "backfired"?? Bwahaha!!!
    Free Charmed.

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    moron

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    Elite Member MsDark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brookie View Post
    How did the ER personnel stop giggling long enough to treat him?
    They see all manner of stupid assed shit on a daily basis.
    Posted from my iPhone
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