Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Alleged Train Wanker Gets Off On Best Defense Ever

  1. #1
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Acerbia
    Posts
    32,674

    Default Alleged Train Wanker Gets Off On Best Defense Ever

    In an important decision that will have a drastic impact on court cases for years to come, a man accused of fondling himself on the train in England has been found not guilty after he told the court he was merely strumming a pretend banjo.
    A blonde commuter on the 7.08 Basingstoke to Reading service had said she looked over to see the paper jumping up and down on Melvyn Webb's lap while he pulled a face and breathed heavily.


    But Mr Webb, 54, claimed he was just picking out the notes on a pretend banjo and was adjusting his underpants because his groin was sore.


    Judge Mr Recorder Jeremy Donne, QC made reference to a 2007 BBC TV documentary called Street Doctor which showed men scratching their groin in public and said that the act was commonplace
    I'm quite sure that strumming the banjo is already a euphemism for masturbating. Nonetheless, Webb also submitted videos of himself playing the banjo and mentioned that he had a lower respiratory tract infection to explain the heavy breathing. He was found not guilty of outraging public decency. This is going to make for one hell of a Law and Order SVU episode.


    If you're worried there might be a potential masturbator on your train, please consult this handy guide I just found on something called Christ Wire.


    Alleged Train Wanker Gets Off On Best Defense Ever
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  2. #2
    Elite Member greysfang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Burning Down Your Windmill
    Posts
    49,375

    Default

    Alrighty then.
    FUCK YOU AND GIVE ME MY GODDAMN VENTI TWO PUMP LIGHT WHIP MOCHA YOU COCKSUCKING WHORE BEFORE I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH. I just get unpleasant in my car. - Deej

    http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic4098_9.gif Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

  3. #3
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Down Under in Boganville
    Posts
    3,315

    Default

    Judge Mr Recorder Jeremy Donne, QC
    Give a kid a stupid name like Recorder and he's going to end up being the dumb fuck who sets a legal precedent that essentially allows public masturbation and indecent exposure. Well done, Recorder - you stupid mother fucker! You've made the law effectively unenforceable... but no doubt you're a pervert yourself and were just WAITING for such a case to give you the opportunity
    Tiene razon, y gracias por su opinion. Now go fuck yourself.

  4. #4
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Acerbia
    Posts
    32,674

    Default

    Recorder is a title, not a name.
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  5. #5
    Elite Member Kat Scorp's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Down Under in Boganville
    Posts
    3,315

    Default

    Well, it's a stupid title too.
    Tiene razon, y gracias por su opinion. Now go fuck yourself.

  6. #6
    Elite Member sputnik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    fellow traveller
    Posts
    51,133

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kat Scorp View Post
    Give a kid a stupid name like Recorder and he's going to end up being the dumb fuck who sets a legal precedent that essentially allows public masturbation and indecent exposure. Well done, Recorder - you stupid mother fucker! You've made the law effectively unenforceable... but no doubt you're a pervert yourself and were just WAITING for such a case to give you the opportunity
    really? are you that upset because a dude was wanking under a newspaper? (so upset you thought 'recorder' was a name? )
    i mean, sure, it's lewd but it's more funny than anything else. no? not even a little?
    I'm open to everything. When you start to criticise the times you live in, your time is over. - Karl Lagerfeld

  7. #7
    Elite Member witchcurlgirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Acerbia
    Posts
    32,674

    Default

    Song parody at Gawker:

    I've been wanking on the railroad
    All the live long day
    I've been wanking on the railroad
    Just to pass the time away

    Can't you hear my fevered moaning
    Rising up with swelling in my groin
    Can't you hear the riders calling
    'Why aren't you at home?'

    Don't want to wank at home

    Don't want to wank at home
    Don't want to wank at home no more

    Nothing makes me horny like trains do

    From Reading to Basingstoke
    Nothing makes me horny like trains do
    Strumming on the old banjo!
    All of God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.


    If I wanted the government in my womb I'd fuck a Senator

  8. #8
    Elite Member McJag's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    42,527

    Default

    Oh. My. Lawd!!!
    I didn't start out to collect diamonds, but somehow they just kept piling up.-Mae West

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 3
    Last Post: November 10th, 2009, 03:31 PM
  2. Replies: 13
    Last Post: September 14th, 2008, 02:49 PM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: February 21st, 2006, 11:14 AM
  4. Replies: 1
    Last Post: February 15th, 2006, 12:08 AM
  5. "Train Wreck" Defense Rests Its Case
    By JerriBlank in forum News
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: October 19th, 2005, 01:21 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •