In an important decision that will have a drastic impact on court cases for years to come, a man accused of fondling himself on the train in England has been found not guilty after he told the court he was merely strumming a pretend banjo.
A blonde commuter on the 7.08 Basingstoke to Reading service had said she looked over to see the paper jumping up and down on Melvyn Webb's lap while he pulled a face and breathed heavily.I'm quite sure that strumming the banjo is already a euphemism for masturbating. Nonetheless, Webb also submitted videos of himself playing the banjo and mentioned that he had a lower respiratory tract infection to explain the heavy breathing. He was found not guilty of outraging public decency. This is going to make for one hell of a Law and Order SVU episode.
But Mr Webb, 54, claimed he was just picking out the notes on a pretend banjo and was adjusting his underpants because his groin was sore.
Judge Mr Recorder Jeremy Donne, QC made reference to a 2007 BBC TV documentary called Street Doctor which showed men scratching their groin in public and said that the act was commonplace
If you're worried there might be a potential masturbator on your train, please consult this handy guide I just found on something called Christ Wire.
Alleged Train Wanker Gets Off On Best Defense Ever