Teen heads to slammer for giving a 'purple nurple'

buttmunch · March 6th, 2006, 03:11 AM

Quote:

Here’s to keeping the bad boys off the mean streets.

An Oregon teen is going to the (little) big house for four days — for giving another boy an unapologetic purple nurple.

The nefarious nipple twist occurred while the former friends were standing in line at a deli. After the victim’s parents went to the police, the nipple flipper was convicted of offensive physical touching, fined $67 and sentenced to three days of community service, the Associated Press reports.

"I emptied trash cans, mowed lawns and shoveled gravel," the teen said.

But that wasn’t quite enough to absolve the predatory pincher.

For his final act of repentance, Mediation Works, a company that operates the local victim-offender program, required the nurpler to write a letter to his victim describing the act in detail and any resulting life changes, expounding on his “thinking errors,” taking accountability for the offense and detailing his “criminal thought processes.”

But like most doers of dastardly deeds, the nurpler balked, saying that he didn’t have any criminal thought processes and considered the act to be horseplay.

foxnews.com

I'm glad the kid refused to write the stupid letter and I can't believe the other kids' parents are such morons. Call the cops because your kid got a purple nurple? Give me a break. The stupity is astounding.

deckchick · March 6th, 2006, 10:11 AM

And we wonder why the kids now adays are whining little pussies.... it's because their parents are stupid whining big pussies!

buttmunch · March 6th, 2006, 10:41 AM

Ah deckchick, the voice of reason in a bleak and whiny wilderness. You are so right.

twitchy · March 6th, 2006, 10:41 AM

Why does a company operate the local victim-offender program? Why isn't punishment meted out by the court if necessary? I do not think that privatizing the justice system is a good idea. Bizarre.