Woman sues over reunion with child she gave up for adoption after being raped

MoodyJenny86 · June 23rd, 2009, 02:08 PM

(June 23) -- A lawsuit filed in New Jersey brings up issues of privacy in adoption cases.

An woman is suing the state for allegedly facilitating a reunion with a daughter she gave up for adoption 30 years ago, the Philadelphia Daily News reported.

The Atlantic City woman, whose name is being withheld from the press, gave up her child after being raped. The lawsuit, filed June 18, claims she felt "violated, in shock and short of breath," after her biological child showed up at her home in December.

"Everyone would like to believe that these reunions are so wonderful," the woman's attorney, Matthew Weisberg, told the newspaper. "This one wasn't. They didn't have coffee together. My client went pale. She is devastated and continues to be devastated because her biological child continues to attempt contact with her."

The lawsuit claims the woman received a letter in August 2008 from New Jersey's Division of Youth and Family Services about an adopted adult who was looking for her birth parents. The letter requested confirmation both of the woman's identity and her interest in pursuing the case. The woman chose not to respond.

Despite the birth mother's lack of response to the inquiry, the adopted daughter found her four months later. The woman's legal complaint says DYFS told her officials "more or less did what they had to do" after she did not return the initial letter.

The woman is seeking $1 million in damages from the state for emotional damages resulting from the inquiry and reunion.

Mother Child Rape Adoption

I can't even begin to imagine being in that woman's situation...

Mel1973 · June 23rd, 2009, 02:11 PM

how does she think the daughter now feels? this is sad on both sides.

MontanaMama · June 23rd, 2009, 02:12 PM

I'd say that's a suit with merit. I am all for adoption. And I'm all for facilitating reunions, but for god's sake, they cannot ambush bio parents. That's just flat out cruel. She had no obligation to reply to the inquiry - a closed adoption means it stays closed and sealed until BOTH parties voluntarily seek info about the other.

MoodyJenny86 · June 23rd, 2009, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel1973

how does she think the daughter now feels? this is sad on both sides.

^Definitely a sad story.

It must have been horrific for this woman to be reminded of her rape after 30 years unexpectedly...

But then also horrific for the daughter to find out that she was the product of a rape.

How awful for both of them.

McJag · June 23rd, 2009, 02:23 PM

Adoptees must accept that some parents do not choose to be contacted. It has to be respected on either side. Best when they agree,but that will not always be the case.
This is a bad situation for both mother & daughter. An abortion would have ended all possibility.

sputnik · June 23rd, 2009, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MontanaMama

I'd say that's a suit with merit. I am all for adoption. And I'm all for facilitating reunions, but for god's sake, they cannot ambush bio parents. That's just flat out cruel. She had no obligation to reply to the inquiry - a closed adoption means it stays closed and sealed until BOTH parties voluntarily seek info about the other.

exactly. i feel for the poor woman

Karistiona · June 23rd, 2009, 03:02 PM

God what a shame for both women, how sad. I don't see why she has to sue though, that's a bit off.

greysfang · June 23rd, 2009, 03:04 PM

She does have to sue. What's going to keep these agencies from doing this to someone else by flouting the rules at whim? I hope she wins, this is just awful.

Karistiona · June 23rd, 2009, 03:07 PM

That's true greys, I was looking at it from the money perspective rather than the legal.

RevellingInSane · June 23rd, 2009, 03:12 PM

I agree this woman should be compensated. Sorry to the adopted children, but if the parents don't want to have anything to do with you, deal with it.

No response from the woman should have prompted a hold on further activity, not the administration to make the decision for her. No response should equal a negative response.

I hope they pay out the wazoo!

celeb_2006 · June 23rd, 2009, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by McJag

Adoptees must accept that some parents do not choose to be contacted. It has to be respected on either side. Best when they agree,but that will not always be the case.
This is a bad situation for both mother & daughter. An abortion would have ended all possibility.

See this is the problem with our society and the media that continually comes up with these "heart warming" stories of adoptees seeking out their biological parents. It has almost conditioned the public into believing that it is a "noble cause" and eventual life goal for adoptees to seek their real parents.

It ain't like that at all.

And not only because of siuations like this, where the mother clearly did not want to be tracked down.

I'm of the belief that a child has a moral obligation to be loyal to the one that raised them, not their biological by default. These kids need to stop dreaming of these 'reality show' happy endings where people reunite after years apart.

Ultimately how do you think the parents that raised the adoptee feels when the child they raised as their own goes off on their happy little crusade to find biological? I understand we are all curious in life, and knowing that you are adopted I'm sure would pique anyone's interest. However, you need to be mature about it and take the whole picture into account, not be reckless about it.

I've mentioned this before multiple times but I'll never forget when NBA player Shaquille O'Neal first came on the scene as a pro and became a superstar. One day his biological father, who did not raise him, was on a talk show talking about Shaq and how he was proud of him and all that, trying to 'claim' him. Shaq was like, hell naw, he considered the man that raised him to be his real dad (and came out with a rap song called 'biological didn't bother.'). Now THAT is integrity and loyalty.

McJag · June 23rd, 2009, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by celeb_2006

I'm of the belief that a child has a moral obligation to be loyal to the one that raised them, not their biological by default. These kids need to stop dreaming of these 'reality show' happy endings where people reunite after years apart.

Ultimately how do you think the parents that raised the adoptee feels when the child they raised as their own goes off on their happy little crusade to find biological? I understand we are all curious in life, and knowing that you are adopted I'm sure would pique anyone's interest. However, you need to be mature about it and take the whole picture into account, not be reckless about it.

I've mentioned this before multiple times but I'll never forget when NBA player Shaquille O'Neal first came on the scene as a pro and became a superstar. One day his biological father, who did not raise him, was on a talk show talking about Shaq and how he was proud of him and all that, trying to 'claim' him. Shaq was like, hell naw, he considered the man that raised him to be his real dad (and came out with a rap song called 'biological didn't bother.'). Now THAT is integrity and loyalty.

ITA. The one that rocked them,bathed them,got up with ear aches & suffered over every hangnail-that is the true mother or father. Doesn't matter if that child was home made or store bought. Once you get your hands on that precious,he or she is all yours-right on the spot. For someone to go looking for their "real parents" is short sighted. I always wonder how the parents who raised that child feels.

Sarzy · June 23rd, 2009, 04:14 PM

I feel bad for both of them. That's just a really tough situation. I can understand how people have a longing to meet their biological parents.

holly · June 23rd, 2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarzy

I feel bad for both of them. That's just a really tough situation. I can understand how people have a longing to meet their biological parents.

^I agree.

crumpet · June 23rd, 2009, 04:53 PM

The term 'real mother/father' really offends me. I don't like to hear adoptees refer to their bio dna donors that way. The people who actually raised you are your only parents, period. I also hate these 'Locator' reality shows that romanticize these reunions. It's laughable to me when someone comes running up to the bio mother they have never met in their 45 yrs on this earth crying and saying "I love you". That's a joke, thinking you love someone you don't even know. You love what they represent to you. I only hope that adoptees are repsectful towards their 'real' parents who raised them when they go about seeking these reunions.