Memorable, funny and even smart celebrity quotes!

[celeb_2006]

Best quote ever:

"The only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping... and showing his shortcomings."

David Niven, responding to a streaker at the 46th Academy Awards in 1974

[DitaPage*]

If you suck on a tit the movie gets an R rating. If you hack the tit off with an axe it will be PG.
Jack Nicholson.

That was on a dumb celebrity quote site. Pfftt, thats an intelligent thing to say, not to mention spot on.

[HWBL]

Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller

Have no fear of perfection- you'll never reach it.
Salvador Dali

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one,
go ahead, get married.
Katherine Hepburn


It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw

Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
Mae West

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lucille Ball

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal

It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
George Burns

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson

God gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.
Paul Getty

[HWBL]

Just found a wonderful quote (not a one-liner) of Warren Beatty (big surprise)
as told by Max Alexander, (former executive editor of Variety and senior editor
at People Magazine). Because - according to the then boss of Alexander -
the liberal Beatty did not appeal to the average People reader, the 1998
interview with him to promote "Bulworth" should bring him as a family man
and should take place at the Beatty home, WITH pics of the Beatty children,
interacting with their famous dad: reading together or playing ball or
"whatever he does with them".
As a protection, the compromise would be that the kids would be photographed
from behind.
This is the account of Max Alexander phone conversation with Beatty,
including Warren's quote:

"Here's the deal," I told Beatty.
I swiveled my chair and gave Beatty a list of the magazine's conditions.
When I got to the part about the kids, I heard a weary sigh through
the receiver, but I plowed ahead:
"If you're concerned about security for your children,"
I added quickly, "don’t worry. We won't show their faces."

"Max," Beatty replied calmly after another long sigh. "I'm
not worried about kidnappers. I can assure you my family has
plenty of security. The issue is much more basic. I simply
won't make my children part of the marketing campaign of a
movie—any movie. I don't take them to premieres; I don't
even let them watch me on the Oscars."
"This may seem hard to believe, but I really don't want my kids to
grow up thinking movies are important. I want them to have a
childhood that has nothing to do with this business."