My Caribbean holiday continued tonight with a lavish dinner on the beach back at the Sandy Lane Hotel, laid on by billionaire High Street entrepreneur Philip Green and his wife Tina.
As the fine wine flowed, and private chefs prepared a gourmet feast, the guests - including Simon Cowell, his girlfriend Terri Seymour and Sun editor Rebekah Wade - began to debate great matters of state. Not for us the complexities of the Middle East or Saddam's hanging, though.
No, the burning question, as proposed by Cowell, was this: who is the biggest prima donna in the world of showbusiness? It was a spirited discussion, but eventually we agreed on the top 10 celebrity divas. In reverse order, they were:
10. Rapper P Diddy - 'Oh, a complete nightmare,' said one diner. 'The jumped-up little plonker genuinely thinks he is the biggest star in the world.'
9. Liz Hurley - 'Pretends to be so high and mighty, but apart from wearing a dress with safety pins at her boyfriend's premiere 12 years ago, what the hell has she ever done?' was one withering observation.
8. Naomi Campbell - 'Ooohhhhh, sheer emotional, psychological and physical hell on magnificent legs' was one comment. I tried to defend Naomi, but I was shouted down. 'Piers, stop being so pathetic just because she fluttered her eyelashes at you.' Harsh, but fair.
7. Madonna - 'She has to be in there, can you even begin to imagine what she must be like to live with?' chuckled one of the male guests. 'The ultimate pain in the backside,' said another who once had to interview her.
6. Annie Lennox - came out of left field, this one. But the accuser was adamant. 'She was breathtakingly grand and offensive to me. I was shocked. But then other big stars told me she's always like that.'
5. Katie Holmes - another surprising choice. But one female member of the group insisted: 'Oh my God, she was the rudest woman I have ever met. Quite appalling.' And then the words nobody thought they would ever hear: 'I feel sorry for Tom Cruise.'
4. Mariah Carey - everyone nodded when her name came up. 'Actually has a red carpet and scented candles waiting when she arrives at hotels in the middle of the night,' said someone, almost admiringly.
3. Hugh Grant - all the media-related guests were unanimous on this one. 'If I have to hear that spoiled, upper-class brat whining one more time about fame, I'm going to take an axe and sever him at his pampered little neck,' was one of the more generous reflections.
2. Singer-songwriter Bobby Brown - 'Literally unbearable. A man who treats everyone around him like a personal slave.' Another guest added: 'He has, however, one thing going for him ... He's not his wife.'
1. His wife - Whitney Houston: a comfortable winner. Everyone had some form of terrible first-hand experience of this creature. 'Think Cruella De Vil without the charm,' was one verdict. Take your pick from other descriptions: 'Rude, arrogant, treats people like dirt, unreliable, difficult, stroppy little madam.'
Me and my big mouth! He may not be everyone's cup of tea, but Piers Morgan has become the ultimate celebrity insider | Mail Online