Britney: Hey y’all! I got a new cell phone!
Me: Is that because you couldn’t get reception on your old one?
Britney: Because huh?
Me: The reception thing… the reason you didn’t see your kids?
Britney: My who?
Me: Nevermind. Are you kissing your phone?
Britney: Yes. It hurts and I’m kissing it to make it better.
Me: What did you do to your phone?
Britney: I pushed a button and it took a picture of me. So I had to run it over.
Me: That’s ridiculous.
Britney: It smells like Doritos.
Me: I imagine most things that you own smell like snack foods.
__________________ The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us"... and I'll look down and whisper "No".
Misinterpreted Photo of the Day: 
Ready Freddie
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