Paris Hilton's official apology - what should it say?

Mira · May 9th, 2007, 08:00 PM

(I put this in miscellaneous because it's a game!)

So here's Ty Pennington's official apology for his misdemeanor DUI.

"I made an error in judgment," (Ty's) statement said. "We all make mistakes, however this is about accountability. Under no circumstances should anyone consume alcohol while driving. I could have jeopardized the lives of others and I am grateful there was no accident or harm done to anyone. This was my wake-up call. I also want to apologize to my fans, ABC Television and my design team for my lapse in judgment and the embarrassment I have caused."

What should banned's official apology read like?

DeChayz · May 9th, 2007, 08:11 PM

I say she's not even going to issue one, as she is far too self-absorbed and self-important to think she actually did something that warrants an apology. Actually, I would go so far as to say she would demand an apology from everyone else for the trauma and stress and damaged reputation (*snicker*) she's endured *sob*

Sleuth · May 9th, 2007, 09:07 PM

I apologise for being such a stupid twat and i will do the world a massive favour by volunteering myself to NASA as a guinea pig to be the first person to step onto a planet without a suit or breathing aparatus. Wish me luck. You are all HOT!
Paris xox

SVZ · May 9th, 2007, 09:52 PM

Can Paris read and write?

Mira · May 9th, 2007, 09:53 PM

No, but she can talk - unfortunately!

DeChayz · May 9th, 2007, 09:55 PM

Well Sleuth, looks like we were both wrong. Offical "apology":

Quote:

"After reading the media's coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should -- no matter how slightly.
I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.

No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse."

The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

Mira · May 9th, 2007, 09:56 PM

Oh get off it banned. You know damn well you won't even treated as bad - let alone worse! Hell, they may not even get to *treat* you at all.

darksithbunny · May 9th, 2007, 10:00 PM

"I am a stupid drunk bitch and I think everyone is beneath me but I am sorry for getting caught only. You poor people are the ones who should do jail. Jail is for you not hot rich heiresses like me. Sorry I am so hot."

Mel1973 · May 10th, 2007, 09:08 AM

"my dad was right - I should have been a blow job"

RevellingInSane · May 10th, 2007, 05:30 PM

Her apology should be short and simple:
I am sorry my mother did not utilize birth control.

Born In A Brothel · May 10th, 2007, 07:22 PM

I'm sorry the better part of me ran down my mother's leg 25 years ago.

Honey · May 12th, 2007, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel1973

"my dad was right - I should have been a blow job"

Hahahahaha. Perfect.

BorninaBrothel- that's hilarious too

pacific breeze · May 12th, 2007, 04:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mel1973

"my dad was right - I should have been a blow job"

This had me laughing and sputtering.

Mira · May 12th, 2007, 12:06 PM

Adapted from Ty Pennington's statement:

"I never make mistakes, however I guess I'm going to have to be accountable, since so many thousands of people are calling for it. I actually do believe I can handle consuming alcohol before driving, and I don't believe I'm really jeopardizing the lives of others. Of course there was no accident or harm done to anyone. I refuse to see this as my wake-up call. Daddy and his friends and lawyers will fix this for me. I'm not going to apologize to my fans or anyone because I don't deserve this and I haven't done anything wrong - lots of people do this and get away with it!

Nevertheless, I am preparing for my incarceration by talking to Patty Hearst, doing yoga and keeping a journal. I will enter the jail with my head held high. Unfortunately, I will be wearing panties while I am in there. Lord knows I don't want to catch anything else from that scummy place - I hear it's harsh. Of course, within 24 hours I will have several minions wrapped around my little finger and they will be doing my bidding. After all, they will be assisting me with my book and tour when I'm busted out of jail early by my expensive attorney. This is going to be so HOT for my career."

*References to yoga, Patty Hearst, journal and harsh were taken from statements by various people on CNN Headline News and Larry King Live last night.

waikiki · May 13th, 2007, 06:27 AM

I think her mother should apologise to the world for the birth of a waste of everything.