Did you have a parent similar to Alec Baldwin?

[olivia720]

I never did a poll before so I'm going to try this.

This whole Alec Baldwin thing has made me contemplate the experiences of all you guys on the forum.

I was never once called a name by my parents. I've always been straight laced and not much trouble. My mother and I spar once and a while though. She yells at me every now and then, but its not very serious or often. We get over it quickly. My father is gentle as a lamb.

Looking forward to seeing your thoughts.

[silver024]

i rarely got yelled at, but then again i rarely did anything...i played basketball since i was in 4th grade, and was either at practice or at a game every night, and most weekends we were at tournaments..so i really didnt have a chance to get myself in trouble. I did however get myself a new asshole when my dad found a note from a guy who was 4 years older than me, when i was 15. My mom and i never really got along..we still dont...put us in a room together for more than 20 minutes and all hell breaks loose, nothing is ever good enough for her, never was never will be...everything i do is wrong

[princesspink]

My mom labelled me a hell lot since I was small - fat, short, rascal, fat pig, dog...and a lot of other things. Sometimes the words stung, esp those in relation to my appearance. As far as i remember I was yelled at a hell lot since I was a kid. We rarely sat down and had discussions about what I had done wrong. If I did something wrong, the only way of dealing with it was hitting me or yelling at me.

I dont know when the yelling turned into calling me names. Maybe it was because I back-answered, which I surely did by the time I was 9. But it was terrible. I can imagine what it would be like if i had never been called names...i can bet I would be happier, but I dont know how much.

And it didnt stop there. Few years down the line I started calling my mother names. We werent allowed to cuss in our house, ever. So i knew she would get pissed if i would call her a bitch. I did it because i knew she would hate it.

I label myself today too. Its only been a few months since Ive made attempts to stop labelling myself. I have very little clue about how specifically it affected me. But I know I was unhappy with myself, and it could have just started with my mom.

I need to mention that I believe my mother was angry and depressed. She never showed it to anyone, but she's had self-image and happiness issues. It screwed me up, but i dont know if my mother knew what she was doing was wrong. She has been a diligent home-maker but a bad mother.

[tiggle]

I had a pretty strict upbringing, but my parents NEVER EVER yelled at me or called me names.
I can only imagine how damaging that would be to a child's mind (reading princesspink's post gives me a rough idea though)

[PlayfulKisses]

I've thought a great deal about this and whether to publish my own abuse for the world to read and then comment on. I had a wonderful childhood and was raised in a home with an adoptive father and natural mother. They went on to have 3 additional children who have never been considered 'half' anything in relation to me. In fact, they never knew he was not my birth father until they were teens themselves. I believe in many ways I was spoiled by my father. I never doubted for one second he truly loved me as his own flesh and blood. He had a difficult time expressing his love for me verbally (or any of us for that matter) but he had a HUGE heart and probably spoiled me with material things to make up for his lack of communication. Our family was then, and continues to be, very close.

However, as an adult, and after I had been in the working world for a very long time, my parents had become quite successful, owned their own business and had accumulated a great deal of wealth. My mother had always worked in the business but no longer had any desire to do so. At the time I was in a very stressful Management position, travelled a great deal and was really ready to POP. My dad convinced me to leave the corporate world and start working with him. He wanted to be able to pass the business onto the family and this was the best way to begin.

The first 6 months were heaven...I could not believe my good fortune. However, I soon began to see a side of my dad that I had never witnessed before. He was very demeaning to employees, was as pig-headed as anyone I had ever known and was beginning to drink heavily. I should add that my father was always more than a social drinker but it had never interfered with our family life, he was never abusive and I had never seen him 'drunk'. It was not long before he began to treat me the same as his employees, although it began gradually. I always tried to defend those he badgered without merit and perhaps that is why he turned on me as well.

I can only say it went from bad to worse. I stuck it out for many years much like children who are said to constantly seek the love and affection of the one who has physically abused them. When it became unbearable, my family urged me to leave but at the time I was considering it, he had a heart attack. So...this drug out for much longer. The final straw came when he was in a drunken rage and began to call me names. I cannot begin to describe the complete and total devastation I felt. It has been many years but I still feel the sting as if it was yesterday.

I left that very day and never went back. I never told him I 'quit' nor did I have any contact with him for many months. The strain at family gatherings was unbelievable. Yes, I continued to see him but completely ignored him as if he were dead. I would not ignore the rest of my family simply because of my anger toward him. They were my lifeline and I needed them.

My family is well-known and loved in the community. They both have done many good works for others, as well as the community as a whole. Saying no to others in need is not within the realm of their possibilities. Most who know my dad could never imagine (or possibly believe) the horrible things said between us during that time.

Fast forward to the present. While it took a very very long time (years), I have forgiven him and our relationship is inching toward what it was before this happened. But I know in my heart I will never be able to love him unconditionally as I once did. I find myself very critical of him in so many ways but I stifle most of it because it can only continue the damage that had been done. Do I love him...Yes, unequivically. Do I believe he is a good man albeit with a terrible drinking problem...Yes. Will I ever forget the pain he inflicted...No, never!

[princesspink]

^Hmmm...a single incident can lead to troubles.

If there is one thing I really hope Im gonna do when I'll be raising my children its gonna be treating them with as much respect as love.

[Mira]

That's what I did, princesspink, and they've turned out beautifully because of both parents. I always explained things to my kids and treated them as if they needed to know stuff, how I felt, why they were being asked to do something, or not do something. Kids are not stupid. If you treat them with respect and talk to them like a reasonable adult, you are training them to become the same way. (Of course there are those middle school and teenage years, for which there really is no cure!)

...and sometimes I would laugh and say "because I'm the mom, that's why" < because I had already been treating them with respect, they respected that cliche.

And playfulkisses, I'm sorry for what you went through. I think it's wise and appropriate to keep a distance and be on your guard while being as loving as possible.

[princesspink]

^Im glad to know it works!

[Mira]

It does. After enduring various and sundry abuse common in middle and high schoolers since he was 12, earlier this week (after treating me pretty well starting last fall, his soph yr in college) he wrote to me: I know I don't call you much but I do think of you a lot, you mean the world to me and I love you with all my heart.

I practically fell on the floor. And needless to say, it made my day! I might even frame it as a joke and reminder of a milestone

[PlayfulKisses]

PrincessPink....Parents can and do make mistakes every day. It's the degree of those mistakes and the response to them that determines what the future holds for the relationship. Your vow to treat your future children with respect I believe is the key to ALL relationships. In turn, you will earn their respect as well.

Mira....It sounds like you've been to hell and back with your ex. It is also evident you not only survived but earned that respect from your children as well. The teen years are a different story and one chapter of their lives most parents wish they could forget for the most part.

[Honey]

Yea I got shouted at alot, it scared me. I was hit too, but being shouted at scares me alot more.

[Novice]

Please can I swap my mum for Alec?
I remember being bullied for years (at least from 7 to 11), but when my sister was bullied that same day my mother had her coat on & was out the door to speak to that kid's parents. She'd called her a few names while I had to endure name calling public, ritual humiliation, having stones thrown at me, etc etc (Oh yeah, & then when I got home, my sister used to beat up on me).
My mother stopped my for doing many thing, inc joining the army at 23.
My dad is a lovely bloke, professional, etc but I think he's spend his entire married life keeping his head down so she doesn't go off in a strop at him. Years later he asked me why I'd not joined the army & told him that "you (both) would have dis-owned me if I had" Not according to him apparently... She's still at it, when I got divorce she dis-owned me & yet my sister hooked up with an old boyfriend who left his wife & kids for her while in the family that is perfectly acceptable????
She tried to make me choose between her & Mr Novice; & tried to humiliate him but he won't let her. Well, actually he has nothing to do with her. I get to be "piggy-in-the-middle" as I still feel obliged to visit her but he'll never come with me (understandably), but she bangs on about how we must both go for a meal etc. & thinks that she'd done no wrong. Yes, I did try to tell her; but as with the bullying when I was a kid she totally mis-remembers. She denies accusing him of being controlling, etc (all the things that she is...)

To end I can total empathise with how Shiloh might fell if the stuff with AJ & Brad is true. Dad's need to do more than keep their heads down!!!

[pinklilycat]

These stories are really sad.
I was taken away from a bad mother and her numerous different live-in boyfriends at a really early age and was raised by my grandparents who were fantastic. My life would have been completely different if I'd been 'raised' by by biological mother - but I was VERY lucky.
It's horrible how a child carries the pain of having unfit parents.

[VenusInFauxFurs]

I had some fairly shithouse parents, but I still count myself as lucky. I may not know what exactly to do now as a parent, but I sure as hell know what not to do.

[WickedHo]

"I was never/rarely called names, and rarely yelled at."

But my dad did curse a lot. The few times that he did yell, I damn near pissed my pants, cuz it meant I was in trouble. To this day, if I hear that same sternness in my dad's voice, I feel like I gotta pee a little. But he was pretty good at making me feel like shit whenever I got a talking-to or scolded about something. Even now, if he lectures me about something, I feel like a failure for a little while for not being perfect.

So my point? Even though I was never called names and rarely yelled at, I still felt belittled on occasion. That just goes to show: parents ain't perfect. They are flawed human beings.