Memorable, funny and even smart celebrity quotes!

[HWBL]

Memorable, funny and even smart celebrity quotes!

A spin-off of the "stupid celebrity quotes"
thread, here you'll find that at least some
celebs were/are able to say smart, funny,
intelligent and true things. Some of these
quotes have become "the" thing to say, as
they were adopted by society to be used
whenever a situation calls for them.

Enjoy!


"I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time."
Marilyn Monroe

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Dean Martin

"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary."
Vidal Sassoon

"Wise men talk because they have something to say.
Fools talk because they have to say something."
Plato (Okay, so not a celeb, but a philosopher)

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
Gandhi

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."
Katherine Hepburn

"I want a man who's kind and understanding.
Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?"
Zsa Zsa Gabor

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West

"We do not own this place, we are just passengers."
Robert Redford (about earth/environment).

"The problem with beauty is that it's like being born rich
and getting poorer."
Joan Collins

"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson.
Without them, I'm fat and 60."
Jack Nicholson

"Movies are fun, but they're not a cure for cancer."
Warren Beatty

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter."
Martin Luther King Jr.

"Some people see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not?"
Robert F. Kennedy

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your
room here on earth."
Muhammad Ali

[DitaPage*]

My parents told me 'if you ever believe anything anybody ever tells you about who you are, what you are, your image or if they hate you or love you, you're going to be miserable. You do your job no matter what you do, you do it the best you can and you go home and really concern yourself with your homelife because that's where people blossom as people. Not when you're being berated or elated'
Kate Hudson


'The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you
gotta put up with the rain.'
Dolly Parton


'Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.'
Cindy Crawford


'I find the earth to be a place of misery in which I am surrounded by the conformity that kills society'
Matt LeBlanc


'On stage I make love to 25,000 people then I go home alone'.
Janis Joplin


'I don't believe makeup and the right hairstyle alone can make a woman beautiful. The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and
experience.'
Sharon Stone


'Macho does not prove mucho'
Zsa Zsa Gabor


'The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. '
Cher


'Society has traditionally always tried to find scapegoats for its problems. Well, here I am.'
Marilyn Manson


'If you're going to do something like getting married, it should have a sense of celebration to it. It should be grand - it doesn't have to be in tracksuits!'
Marilyn Manson (in response to the K-fed,Britney wedding)


'I dont trust or love anyone because people are creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping here, creeping there, creeping everywhere. Crippity, crappity, creepies'
Vincent Gallo


'I'm shy, paranoid, whatever word you want to use. I hate fame. I've done everything I can to avoid it. '
Johnny Depp

[SuperHeroTights]

"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson.
Without them, I'm fat and 60."
Jack Nicholson


This one is great. I'm so using it in my signature!

[DitaPage*]

^That quote is great!!

[SVZ]

'The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. '
Cher

Love it!

"We do not own this place, we are just passengers."
Robert Redford (about earth/environment).

this one's good too! I'm using it thanks HWBL

I'll add some too

“I'm not a woman, I'm a force of nature.”
Courtney Love

I don't think President Bush is doing anything at all about AIDS. In fact, I'm not sure he even knows how to spell AIDS.
Elizabeth Taylor

[calendargurl]

'I dont trust or love anyone because people are creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping here, creeping there, creeping everywhere. Crippity, crappity, creepies'
Vincent Gallo

WTF!? look who's TALKING!!

[HWBL]

"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson.
Without them, I'm fat and 60."
Jack Nicholson


This one is great. I'm so using it in my signature!

LOL, at least he is aware - unlike many younger stars - that there's a difference between the man, and the image. By the way, next year you can change the number in that quote to 70!

[pacific breeze]

"There's no deoderant like success." Elizabeth Taylor

"Televison is a medium that is neither rare nor well done." Edward R. Murrow

[DitaPage*]

LOL, at least he is aware - unlike many younger stars - that there's a difference between the man, and the image. By the way, next year you can change the number in that quote to 70!

I'm amazed by how different people can sometimes look wearing sunglasses, compared to when they're not. Just goes to show how much the eyes make the face! I speak from epxerience, last summer my friend and I were lusting big time over a lifeguard who looked like Johnny Depp! Until he took off his sunglasses! It was bizarre!

[HWBL]

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you
gotta put up with the rain."
Dolly Parton

"I don't believe in pessimism."
Clint Eastwood

"It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference."
Tom Brokaw

"The trouble with some women is that they get all
excited about nothing -- and then marry him. "
Cher

"Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it."
Winston Churchill

"Be the change you want to see in the world."
Gandhi

"The quality, not the longevity, of one's life is what is important."
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Eleanor Roosevelt

"Desire is half of life, indifference is half of death."
Kahlil Gibran

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
WC Fields

"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love,
drunk, or running for office. "
Shirley MacLaine

"God gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood
to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

"No man is rich enough to buy back his past."
Oscar Wilde

[Honey]

I gave my beauty and youth to men. Now I am giving my wisdom and experience - the best of me - to animals. Brigitte Bardot


Killing an animal to make a coat is a sin. It wasn't meant to be and we have no right to do it. A woman gains great status when she refuses to see anything beautiful killed to be put on her back. Then she's truly beautiful! Doris Day


The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Gandhi


I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." - Groucho Marx

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor" - Joan Rivers

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right - Henry Ford

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery - Spike Milligan

[DitaPage*]

Love the 'diamonds on the floor' quote!! I love Joan

[JuicyLucy]

I'm amazed by how different people can sometimes look wearing sunglasses, compared to when they're not. Just goes to show how much the eyes make the face! I speak from epxerience, last summer my friend and I were lusting big time over a lifeguard who looked like Johnny Depp! Until he took off his sunglasses! It was bizarre!

Been there, done that.

[HWBL]

Found some gems by legendary director Billy Wilder (1906-2002, The Apartment, Some Like It Hot, The Fortune Cookie, Irma La Douce, Witness For The Prosecution, The Seven Year Itch and so on and so forth).

"An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the window, you've got a situation."

"Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award."

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

"I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes."

"People copy, people steal. Most of the pictures they make nowadays are loaded down with special effects. I couldn't do that. I quit smoking because I couldn't reload my Zippo."



And now for some other celeb quotes:

"The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused."
Shirley MacLaine

"I've made so many movies playing a hooker that they don't pay me in the regular way anymore. They leave it on the dresser."
Shirley MacLaine

"The older you get, the more awards you get. So, if you live long enough, then you get all the awards eventually."
Kirk Douglas

"If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married."
Kirk Douglas

"I have eyes like those of a dead pig. "
Marlon Brando

"Acting is the expression of a neurotic impulse. It's a bum's life. The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis."
Marlon Brando

"Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent."
Marlon Brando

[Mariesoleil]

Lady Astor to Churchill "Winston, if you were my husband I would flavour your coffee with poison"
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I should drink it"
Winston Churchill

Bessie Braddock to Churchill "Winston, your drunk!"
Churchill: "Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober"
Winston Churchill

"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."
George Bush